March 2012

March 13.

Well, this is a strange date to begin a journal, but I have been thinking about it for a while now and I just need to have somewhere to write things down. Maybe I will let L and Brian see it one day, no one else though.

I have, or rather had, my blog on the Team-Fm website, but there is no point in writing in that again unless Brian and L begin to do live shows on the Team server again and at the moment, poor L just does not have any fight left in her and Brian is too busy and likes being quiet at weekends and I do not blame him really, after what happened. I do hope they do more live shows though, I really miss hearing L on the air, I miss helping with shows, I really, really miss my audio work. All I am now is a glorified house lep.

Having said that though, there is nowhere else on earth I would rather be, even if I do get horribly bored when Brian is away in the week working. I live, as he does, for the weekends, when we travel down to Wales, to the Lair. I have to go on the train with him, which takes an eternity, I could so easily zap on ahead and help L get things ready for his arrival, but he will not have it at any price. I think he is jealous, which makes me smile, if I am honest. Now he knows how it feels.

This brings me on to a subject I have wanted to write about, wanted to examine, but obviously on a public blog it is not possible. This whole L thing. I suppose I just want to get it here in black and white and get my thoughts straight.

When a lep falls for a human it is never good news, because it is just not allowed, it can never ever happen. Plus, L was married, so it was just a big mess. But you cannot help feeling how you feel. L was always very sweet to me, so I just enjoyed every minute I could in her company and did a lot of daydreaming and put up with things as best I could, all the time not knowing someone else was doing the same thing.

And then I got hit by that car. One minute I knew that car was going to hit me. I remember thinking, "I cannot die without at least telling L I love her." You know how you can think flash fast at terrible times. Then there was a huge flash of pain. then it all went dark. Then I could hear things through a fog, but could not do anything about anything. I could hear Hinky talking to me sometimes and L and Brian. But it all seemed very far away. Sometimes I really wanted to answer, but it all seemed as if it was in another dimension from me.

And then, after a long time, things suddenly came into focus and L was holding me, actually holding me tight in her arms, she had her face nestled against mine, her tears were falling on my cheek. And she was pleading with me to wake up, she said: "Bert, you've got to wake up! Please, you've just got to! I love you so much!".

I was half expecting green stars on the spot, I can tell you, but top brass must have been feeling lenient that day, or something. Anyway, I found I could answer and I did. Of course, she tried to move, but I was not having that! I had to tell her something. Of course, I did not dare say it in so many words, but I think she understood. In fact, I know she did, because she kissed me. I will remember that to the end of my life. She opened the window so that I could hear the bells and then she stooped and kissed me and for just a moment I felt her lips on mine. I was too surprised to do anything, I kissed her a moment later, but only her cheek.

L is always sweet and affectionate to me, she lets me sit on her lap, she holds me there and hugs me and I get kisses on the cheek when I am lucky, but only once did she ever hold me properly and that is ok. It really is, actually. Even if she did not love Brian, she cannot ever be more to me than she is, she cannot say anymore than she does, sometimes she says more than she ought, when I get upset about things; she cannot show me too much affection. If she ever did, the top brass would swoop down and take me away and there would be absolutely nothing I could do about it.

So, thinking back now, did I have any idea about her and Brian? No, I did not. Not even an inkling! How silly am I? I knew they worked closely together and were always writing to each other and talking to each other and I also knew that Brian was more cranky than usual about my "Thing about L" as he called it. But I had no idea why. On the Friday morning when he told me that he and L were a couple, that he loved her and that we would be spending weekends at the Lair from now on, I was so completely flabbergasted I did not know what to say. I did not know whether to laugh or cry. I wanted to punch his lights out and dance for joy, both at the same time.

It has taken me a while to adjust. I seriously felt like an unwanted third party at first. Brian and L are obviously so very much in love, so so happy together, it is obvious to anyone who sees them together and if you are unfortunate enough to love L too, it is a hard thing, even though I am glad to see her happy.

When a lep is given a post, he is supposed to stay in it for as long as he is needed, but if his position for whatever reason becomes untenable, he may apply to Shana-Sherin, stating his case and asking to be relieved of his post and to be given another. I will not say that I have never thought of leaving, any lep in my position would have done, I think. But I have not and I do not think I ever will now. The fact that I have not applied to Shana-Sherin to be relieved is mainly thanks to L. She is always careful to devote time to me, to make me feel wanted and needed and to let me know in lots of sweet little ways that what she said at Christmas was not just words. But Brian has been good to me too. He never says very much, but the way he treats me and little things he does, tell me he is aware that sometimes things are not always easy for me, though they are getting easier. In essence, I have what I have always wanted. I can be near L, nobody can say a word against it, because she is the girlfriend of my human! I can take care of them both, it is just perfect really.

Every time I go to the lair it gets easier. I always go off to my closet on the first evening, to give them a bit of space. L has always got a nice little supper that she has made for me, all laid ready in there and I settle down with a good film or a good book. Then next morning I am up before the lovebirds, I have their breakfast all ready for them when they get up and we spend the day together. L always makes sure I have plenty of lap time. Brian grumbles about it, but I do not think he minds too much really. Look at the other week, he threatened not to bring me today and here I am, all packed and ready to go! It is ok. It is going to be fine.

Well, now that is all straight, let us turn to what has happened so far today. Nothing much is the answer. Up about seven, made bed, tidied room, had strawberry Actimel, cereal, toast and coffee. Listened to the Oldies station L plays on her IPhone, quite a lot of Beatles gets played on there! Yay! I wonder why L likes it though, she hates the Beatles. Hmmm. Have had a wild thought as to reason, but had better not even think that, never mind write it! Giggling.

Washed dishes, cleaned kitchen and bathroom, dusted, polished, vacuumed, tried not to die of boredom, I do this every day, but you would not know that, dear journal!

Hmmm, what next? Um, had cup of tea, packed backpack, remembered that L's favourite sweatshirt of mine is in wash and swore, well, as much as I ever do, which is not much! I am annoyed though, she likes a certain sweatshirt of mine and I really wanted to take it away with me. Saw it was still quite early and put load of washing on, it had better not rain!

Called to check if L ok. Am not really supposed to do this unless Brian tells me I can, I am supposed to let her call me, but sometimes I do not resist temptation very well. L very excited and also not feeling very well. Cannot cook dinner today, will need to get pizza. Just bleh! If only Brian would let me go ahead! I could cook dinner for them both! No good asking, anyway, had better not call him at work.

Checked my Email. Hinky still forwarding reams of junk to me, but when he sends any news, he is always very brief and never says much beyond the fact that he is ok. I think he is working for L's husband and does not want to say too much. I still get calls from poor Tealy sometimes. I think she is over Hink, wants a new boyfriend and is looking in my direction! Er, no! Tealy is a sweetie, but even if I was looking, Tealy is not my type at all. I would like someone with brains!

I am not doing Twitter at the moment for obvious reasons, but I had a potter on Facebook and got caught up with the family. Dad is in a foul mood because his back is playing him up and Mum says Tommo has been hauled up in front of the brass for brawling. again. Tommo, dear journal, is my elder brother, the one who came right before me. There is only a year between us in age, yet we could not be more different in temperament. Tommo is always in trouble and he always laughed at me and called me a goody goody. He said being so good would never get me anywhere. How wrong was he? Giggling! He is now stuck in the lep colony with his downtrodden wife and eleven leplings the last I heard and a humdrum job for the lep council. I am here, in this bright, warm, friendly place. Just, ha ha ha, tommo, you yob!

In other family news, Mum told me that my favourite sister Amarella is having another youngling and I am so pleased for her. We all like her and Derry her husband, but they only have five and Mella wanted a big family, which had not been happening for them. Lep couples have a lepling every year, unless there is a problem. Mella and Derry should have had ten by now. They have spent a fortune on herbal draughts straight from the healing gardens in The Old Country and they must have worked, I am really happy for them.

Called Mella and caught up with all her news, she was full of chatter. By the time I got her off the phone the washing was done and I pegged it out, it is a sunny blowy day.

Then it was time for a quick sandwich and a cup of coffee and now I am sitting here doing this. The washing is flapping nicely on the line, I am hoping I will have L's favourite shirt ready to take away with me. I will try and write more later from the train.

Later, on Train.

Well, here we are on the boring boring train! Brian is reading, I am writing this, of course. Good job it is not a blog in the real sense, as there is no wi fi on this train. I had a last minute rush to get my shirt ironed in time and nearly burned a hole right through it when the phone rang and it was Brian, telling me he was just leaving.

Stars! I was in such a fluster I nearly ran out of the door without the shirt! But I remembered at the last second, ran back, grabbed it, stuffed it in the backpack thus ruining all my careful ironing and zapped to the station. Oh well. So, here we are, almost at L's now. WE have just stopped at Newport the stop before hers. I always get really excited at this point. I had better get Nia Netbook packed up now. I have enjoyed my jottings today. I am hoping to do more in the days to come.

Big smiles.

Facebook Chat.
Date: 13 March 2012

Bert Hartgen: Ping ping, come on, anyone there?

LilyBella Robikna: Cheeky! Zui!

Bert Hartgen: Zui yourself! All right? What goes?

LilyBella Robikna: Few bits. Old idiot’s done his back in again. Been up all night walking the floor and groaning like Flanagan’s ghost!

Bert Hartgen: what? Not good, Z’na. Getting past a joke.

LilyBella Robikna: You don’t have to tell me!

Bert Hartgen: You all right for forage? Will you get T to help?

LilyBella Robikna: If we have to. Bit more to tell, you got time?

Bert Hartgen: Plenty. Tell tell!

LilyBella Robikna: The Troll’s been at it again!

Bert Hartgen: oh for stars’ sake! Who’s he hit this time?

LilyBella Robikna: Don’t know, don’t want to know. The mouse is up to here with it. Something’ll happen there one day.

Bert Hartgen: Go on! Mouse is too mousey! Else?

LilyBella Robikna: yep. Saved best for last, only you don’t really want this!

Bert Hartgen: now stop that, Z’na! Come on, what?

LilyBella Robikna: Mella’s podding at last!

Bert Hartgen: joking!

LilyBella Robikna: not! True as I live!

Bert Hartgen: Thank the hand! She ok?

LilyBella Robikna: Thrilled. All of us is thrilled.

Bert Hartgen: got to go and call her. Oh wow! Nothing else? It ok?

LilyBella Robikna: off you go. Take care.

Bert Hartgen: You too, best to Z’an, tell the silly old fool to mind that back of his! Ziu!

Email.
From: Hinky23252@elfnet.org
To: bert@bertsplace.co.uk
Date: 13 March 2012
Subject: Howdy Old Buddy!

Hi Bert, how y’all doing over there?

I hope you like the jokes I think they real funny. I know how much you like pictures so I sent you some mighty good ones I found, my word you sure can get lots of good pictures if you look, specially if you like ladies! Just let me know when you want more.

Well it’s still powerful cold over here, rainin’ too, gah, puts me in mind of over there! I thunk if I come home I’d be warmer but this winter’s been a tarmint for cold! I’s ok though, I’s getting on fine. Tween you an’ me, old pal, I’s thinkin’ of finding me a gal closer to home than that Tealy. She ain’t been out here to see me once an’ I don’t like that! We got some real sweet cupcakes living in this city an’ I think cute Miss Callie might be the one fer me! Anyway we’s going to the next ball game, only don’t breathe a word to Tealy.

Gotta go, old buddy, no rest fer a poor old elf. Give my best to Miz Bear, I hope she’s ok.

Here’s mud in your eye!

Hink.

March 14

Good morning, dear journal!

Well, here we are at the lair! We arrived at about the usual time, a little after seven-thirty. Usually L has a dinner ready for Brian, but she was not well last night, so she had ordered pizza for us all. It was all ready when we arrived. I got a lovely hug hello and even a kiss on the cheek, so I was well happy!

I went off to my closet, oh, I have not told you about it. To any normal person the closet looks like a place to store coats and anything else that needs storing. L does keep quite a lot of things in there. But when I open the door it morphs into a big, comfortable room. That is Hinky’s doing. You would never catch him sleeping anywhere second-rate! I think Tealy might have helped too, because it has got lots of nice little touches that I do not think Hink could have thought of!

Anyway, I have a comfortable bed, a sofa, a desk and chair, a TV and DVD and stereo, everything I could wish for really. In one corner there is a little table and on it was waiting a hot pizza, L had remembered all my favourite toppings, some lovely garlic bread and a bottle of ice cold coke. By the TV were two DVDs, Bambi and Beauty and the Beast, so I was all set for a lovely cosy evening. And apart from the fact that I spent it all on my own, it was a nice evening.

I woke up about six this morning. L was moving about, I knew she was not up for keeps, but once I heard her, I was awake and there was no more sleep for me! I had a shower and got ready for the day, made my bed, tidied up the room and then, as no one looked like getting up for quite a while, booted up Nia Netbook and logged on to Facebook to see what was going on with the family.

I had the usual weekly message from Barty. That is the eldest of us all, he will become head of the family one day, but the way he goes on, you would think he was already. He asked me all the usual questions, when was I going to get a better job, when was I going to find a decent girl and settle down and when was I coming home for a visit. He knows the answers, I have told him and so many times! I love my job, I do not need nor want a decent girl thank you so very much and never if I can help it!

Mig was online and I had a chat to her. She has had it up to here with Tommo’s fighting and wild ways. She says she will leave if he is up before the brass once more, but it is all talk. She is so used to doing everything Tommo says, I think she would not know what to do if she did not have him to order her about.

I had an Email from Laralita, my very youngest sister, married two years. They only have the one lepling and he is delicate. Lita told me she and Mart are sending him to the Healing gardens. I do not know how long he will have to stay there! I hope not long! It is not cheap to have to send someone there, you do not get healing for free, unless you are too poor to pay for it and Mart has a good job!

Anyway, when I had finished pottering about and catching up with the news, it was time to get breakfast started. I came into the den and started to make pancake batter. L really loves pancakes with lemon and sugar. Brian hates them, no matter what is on them, but I like to make them for L. I cook bacon and sausage for Brian, so that is all right.

When L and Brian were ready, I made breakfast for them. L is so happy today, in fact they both are. After we had all eaten and had coffee, L let me sit on her lap for a while. I do love to sit on L’s lap, it is the best thing in the world! However long I sit there it is not long enough. I am either told to get down, usually quite brusquely, by Brian, or asked politely by L. This time I had a nice little sit there, before she said I should get down, but I just always want to be there!

And now I am in my closet writing this. It will soon be time for lunch. I will write more later, I expect, but this is a lovely day so far.

Later.

My stars! Human cleaners are clumsy idiots! Sorry, dear journal, I should not say that, but they are! I was just writing that last little bit, when the door buzzer went, scaring me half to death. I peeked through a crack in the door and in clomped a woman and started cleaning what was already perfectly clean, because I keep it spotless! And my holy moon, she made enough noise for a herd of angry elephants!

Well when she finally clomped away, I was able to leave the closet, put things which she had moved back to where L could find them again, no, zlendt it, back to where I could find them again! Well, when I had done that, I made some lunch for us.

I had rather hoped I would get some lap time this afternoon, but the turtle doves started billing and cooing and I had to make myself scarce. I was in rather a grouchy mood, when L popped into my closet to retrieve the DVDs to send them back and she picked me right out of my desk chair, swung me up in her arms and plopped me on her lap on the sofa! Stars, I did not know where my tummy was for a minute, but I do not get many moments like that, it was wicked!

I was hoping to cook dinner, but L likes to cook, so, well, I let her do it. She did not make too bad a job of it. She does not have my training, so you cannot expect miracles. I was itching to help on several occasions, but she is very independent, so I did not.

I did help with the clearing up later on though. Brian is not feeling very well. He wanted to help L, but she would not have it at any price and made him go and sit down. I sneaked in and helped her. She sang very loud, so as he wouldn’t’ hear me sneaking around, helping her dry things up.

Well, that is about it. We are all in the den now. It is a case of each to his own computer! Brian has his keyboard, L has hers, I have mine! Brian and L are sitting on the sofa and I am snuggled in between them with Nia Netbook on my lap. Every so often, Brian reaches over and touches L’s hand, it is quite sweet really, even if I would rather like to bite his fingers off! But, every now and then, L reaches over to touch his hand and she ruffles my hair as she goes by, so it is not all bad, is it! Giggle!

I will stop now, I think we are about to have a drink of some kind. Just at this moment there is no happier lep this side of the old country!

Very Big Smiles.

Facebook Chat.

Bert Hartgen: Zui Zaea. How you?

MiggyMeg morvynna: Ziu and don’t let T hear you call me that!

Bert Hartgen: Can’t be nice to my sister-in-law now?

MiggyMeg morvynna: Oh you know what he’s like! Don’t want him clouting you too! We don’t need that!

Bert Hartgen: He wouldn’t! Mum would kill him dead. Anyway, didn’t answer question. You OK?

MiggyMeg Morvynna: As I can be. Life stinks worse than catdirt sometimes.

Bert Hartgen: I know, Zaea. Must be hard for you.

MiggyMet Morvynna: Course it’s hard. Everyone knows about him. Neighbours look at us funny, nobody talks to me by the pump. Lings are scared of him. I had enough. Told Lil I’d leave but that’s all talk.

Bert hartgen: Why?

MiggyMeg Morvynna: Stupid! Where’d I go? No one’s got dissolved in this family for years and years.

Bert Hartgen: So why not you be the first? Mig, you deserve better than this and as for where you go, I could help.

MiggyMeg Morvynna: You?

Bert hartgen: If you want. Find you somewhere.

MiggyMeg morvynna: You’d do that.

Bert Hartgen: Yes I would.

MiggyMeg morvynna: Don’t know. Think about it. Got to go, lings want food. Ziu. Thanks.

Bert Hartgen: Ziu. And I mean it, Mig, get away from that idiot if you can, I will help.

Emails.

From: LaralitaAlfardna@lepnet.org
To: bert@bertsplace.co.uk
Date: March 14
Subject: Good Morning, Big Brother.

Hi, Bert.

Well how is things in the wonderful world of humans today? I wish you could tell us more about what it’s like, I can never imagine what you do there. Things is not too good here, Mart and me was up all last night talking and we’ve finally decided there isn’t no choice. That old fool isn’t doing Danic no good, he has to get better help and we’re sending him to the healing gardens if we can. Stars know what it’s going to cost nor how we’re going to pay for it, but it’s just got to happen.

Mart’s gone off to work now and Danic’s fallen asleep. I’m about to go to the gardens’ site and contact them about the little one, start things off. Wish us luck, Bert, won’t you?

Sunbeams shine bright on your day.

Lita.

From: bert@bertsplace.co.uk
To: LaralitaAlfardna@lepnet.org
Date: March 14
Subject: Wishing You Luck.

Morning, Lita.

I am really sorry to hear about Danic but not surprised. I think, from all Mum has told me, that Jockey is well past it now and whatever healing powers he had have been doused in Zair. I wish Gwen was home, maybe she could do something. Be sure and let me know how you get on with the healers. I know those draughts Mella and Derry bought weren’t cheap. Will the healers give you terms and take Danic straight away? I know, not my business but I’m worried about the ling too.

Well, no rest for a poor working lep. Must get on and make breakfast for the humans. Sending you sun blossoms and moonbuds, Zahal. Keep your chin up if you can.

Bert.

March 15

Something strange is going on and I do not know what. It is not like L to keep me in the dark about things, but when I asked her… Oh, let me start at the beginning, it is, after all, a very good place to start, I have been told.

I woke up this morning at about six, as usual. Nobody was about at all, but sleep was over for me, so I got up, made my bed, got things tidy, had a shower and got dressed. I am wearing L’s favourite shirt today. I ought to write a little bit about clothes here. When you are as short as I am and you are miles away from your home colony and furthermore you do not have a devoted wife or mother handy to make clothes for you, then you have to buy clothes from human shops and all that is available to you are clothes made for human toddlers.

I do most of my clothes shopping online, I mean, there is no sense in drawing too much attention to myself, though I can pass for a child if I need to and I have done it before now. Anyway, this shirt. It is black and has a raised Harry potter on the front that you can easily make out the shape of. They have used different materials for his hair, his cloak etc, it is rather nice, which is why I could not resist it and anyway, the whole Harry Potter thing makes me smile. If only the author knew! Anyway, L likes that shirt the best and I am wearing it today, I was really hoping it would get me some serious lap time.

When I was dressed, I booted up Nia Netbook and checked mail. There was the usual pile of junk from Hinky. Stars, the number of times I have asked him to stop forwarding this stuff to me, but I might as well save my breath to cool my porridge, as the saying goes! There was also an Email from him, surprise surprise! He just said he was ok, that the weather was getting very warm and humid and he asked me if I had heard anything from Tealy. Now what does one say to that? Yes, Hink, I had to pick up the pieces when you dumped her? You certainly left me holding that baby! Well, I wrote back, with a milder version of that and we will see what comes of it. I wonder if he wants to get back in touch with her. I would certainly like to get her off my hands, I have enough to deal with!

I had a very upset mail from Mum. It seems Danic was ill all night and Lita and Mart are worried to death. Lita wants to sent the little one to Ireland now, today, but Mart just does not have the money. I told Mum that they should apply to the council for help. Surely the colony council would help them, rather than lose a lepling. Life is precious, however overcrowded we get. It would be saved, if possible, at any cost.

I went on Facebook, when I had done the mail, but there is not much new. Nobody about much except Mig, I said hello, I caught up on the news feeds, seems Tommo has stayed out of trouble for this while and everyone else is chugging along all right. One of Barty’s daughters is getting married and he is fretting that she is too young. Number ten sister Tulia is about to have lepling number seven and Mum is fussing over her, but Tuli is independent and is getting annoyed. There is going to be a row there if Mum is not careful.

By the time I had caught up with all the news, I could hear movement and Brian and L were up. I came in, ready to get the pancakes mixed, but L was already in the kitchen. She was getting Actimel out of the fridge and making coffee. She was using the machine that she knows I always use when I’m here! I came up to her and told her I would do it, but she just leant down and gave me a hug and said she and Brian were only having Actimel and coffee today and Brian was having a cereal bar, so I could relax.

She would not let me help at all, just went on getting coffee for Brian and herself and then she even brought me a mug and a bottle of Actimel and asked if I wanted something to eat. I can tell you, I was so panicky by then, I could not have faced a crumb! This just does not happen, not when I am here. L knows I like to make breakfast, so why is she doing it, why will she not let me help? What is going on?

Well, they are at their computers now with the radio on and I am in my closet, I do not mind admitting I am upset. Something weird is happening and I do not know what. Are they going to tell me I am not needed anymore? Oh well, I will find out later, I suppose. More later.

Later.

I am so. Upset. I know I should expect these things and I should not let it get to me. They are a couple, of course they are going to want to do things without me, but oh moon above! This is the first time and ouch! For about the last hour I have not been able to do anything but lie on my bed and cry, I know it is absolutely silly, but I cannot help it.

I heard it from Brian. I was amazed actually, I would have thought L might have told me, but Brian came in here, I had just finished writing, when he knocked on the door and came in when I invited him. He sat on the sofa and called me over to him, I was over here at the desk. I was wondering what was coming by this time, I can tell you! Brian has his grumpy moments, who does not? But we really do get along fine. WE always have. We like each other. It is not said in so many words, it does not need to be really, but I would not want to work for anyone else, that is for sure! The only time I really do start to get jittery is when he is extra and specially kind and gentle to me, because that is not how we are. We’re, oh, casually friendly with each other, with a touch of grouch which we usually do not mean. Just let Brian start really being nice and I know there is a disaster in the offing, something I am really not going to like.

This time was no exception. He told me, very very kindly, that he, Brian, was taking L out for a special lunch at her favourite place, a very elegant hotel up in the mountains. For one wild moment I thought they were taking me too, but then it hit me. He went on to explain that though they both liked having me here, I could not always be with them, especially when they went out and that they would make it up to me later. I tried my best to put a good face on it, but Brian knows me too well. He gave my shoulder a little squeeze as he got up to go, which just about finished me off. He never. Does that!

So, that was the mystery solved. I stayed in here, I had nothing to do in the flat really and anyway I did not want L to see how upset I was and having her day spoiled. I had a peek through the door at L as they were going out. My word! I wish I was a human! That is all I will say. I cannot write anymore for now. Just ouch!

Later.

They are back. They have been back for sometime. I did not see them come in, because I fell asleep. The first thing I knew about them being back was L, sitting on my bed and touching my shoulder. I jumped around I can tell you! And a sorry mess I was in too! Rumpled hair, red eyes, swollen face, my nice harry potter shirt all crumpled. To make bad even worse, not only was L sitting right there on my bed, but Brian was standing in the doorway, asking L if I was ok.

So, then L asked me what was the matter. I tried to tell her nothing, but that never washes with l and before I could get more than a dozen words out, to my embarrassment the waterworks had started yet again. One of the many things I love about L is, she always knows how to make it better! She picked me up off the bed, took me into the den, sat on the sofa, held me on her lap and just rocked me there without saying anything until I had my breath back. In the meantime, Brian made me a cup of tea and I was soon feeling heaps better.

I am still on L’s lap, would you believe. Brian went and got Nia Netbook so I could write this. I got down long enough to let L make me a sandwich, because she was fussing that I had not eaten anything all day. But apart from that I am what Brian calls in limpet mode and he has not complained once.

It has been a strange kind of a day, I must admit, but it has ended well. Tomorrow, L says we are expecting visitors, but they are coming here, so that is all right. Stars, all these new things happening. It will be ok. At least life is not boring. See you tomorrow.

Slightly watery smiles.

Email.
From: LilybellaDavona@lepnet.com
To: bert@bertsplace.co.uk
Subject: Worried To Bits.

Zui, our Bert.

Hope you’re ok. Zan’s back is better, old idiot wants to go out foraging again today but I think it’s way too soon, our Tovey’s bringing in plenty for us so we has enough to eat but you know Zan, never can keep still for more than a minute. He’s going to do hisself a perment injury one day then where we going to be?

Heard from our Lita that they was up all night with the ling. Couldn’t get his breath, poor little bean! Our Lita says he needs to go to the gardens now, today but she says Mart aint having it, they doesn’t have the grains. We’s offered to help but Mart won’t have it no price and anyway it wouldn’t be enough. She says they’ll lose the nip if something aint done quick. I’m worried to bits about em all.

Hope you has a good day. Stars guide you. Kiss.

Zna.

Email.
From: bert@bertsplace.co.uk
To: lilybelladavona@lepnet.com
Subject: Re Worried To Bits.

Hi Mum,

Sorry not in the mood for Leprechine today, you’ll have to put up with English. Don’t worry about Dad’s back, I’m sure he won’t overdo it. Now about Lita and Mart, can’t they get help from the council? Surely the council isn’t going to let a ling die for want of healing, the colony’d never be able to hold its head up again! Tell Lita to get on it, never mind what Mart says.

Love you.

Bert.

Email.
From: Martoralikmartoran@lepnet.com
To: bert@bertsplace.co.uk
Subject: A Word.

Bert.

We had about a hundred Emails this morning from that interfering old zlorg my fem’s Zna. She said you told our Lita to get the council to help with grains to get our Danic to the gardens. Lita says she hasn’t heard from you but you have been talking about us to your mother and that’s enough.

I’m telling you this only once. We don’t need no help from you, the council nor nobody. I’m the head of this family and I provide for it. If I can’t raise the grains it’s my problem and no one else’s. If the healers won’t come to terms then that’s my problem to and Danic will just have to stay here. Nobody’s going to interfere, not the council, not LilyBella, not Alfard and certainly not you, stuck miles away working your cushy job! So just you mind your own zlanny business and keep your meddling nose out of hours, and if you want to tattle about us to your mother you can tell her the same.

Mart.

March 16.

Just had a really nasty Email from Mart. Well actually I had it last night but I didn’t see it till just now. The lep’s a complete zblerter! He’d see that ling in Low Country before he accepted any help! Well I’m not having it and that’s flat. Something will have to be done. I’ll talk to the healing gardens myself and see if I can set it up so Mart doesn’t find out. Danic’s my nephew and he’s not going to High Country if I can help it!

March 17

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! Wahoo!

Yes, I know, it is of absolutely no importance here, but at home the family are all gathering to eat too much, drink far, far too much, especially if you are Tommo and exchange little gifts. It is not exactly like Christmas, the gifts are only very small tokens, nothing like what gets bought for human Christmas, but they are appreciated all the same. A lep like me, working outside the colony, gets excused the gift giving, it just would not be practical. What human things could I send that anyone would want? I cannot go home and to be honest I would rather be here anyway, but there are ways I can feel part of the celebrations.

I am getting ahead of myself, as usual! I couldn’t write much yesterday, I was so. Busy! I will not be able to go into too much detail, it would all take too long, but I will tell you a little bit about yesterday before I go into today so far.

Well, yesterday Brian and L were up with the lark, we all had breakfast together and then they both got dressed and my word! They did look smart! Because L is not well so much of the time, she mostly lives in a robe and slippers when she is here and I am used to that, it is very snuggly when I can have lap time, but yesterday there was no robe in sight! I do love it when she dresses up and wears perfume! We do not have such a thing as perfume, so I had not come across it until I met L. Stars! Just… Wow!

Anyway, when they were all ready, we all had to set to work with a will, because L’s parents were coming to tea. Now, if L had only let me, I could have done all the food and she could have just sat down and rested, but no, no no, she would not have that at any price! Just, bother! But she did let me help and it was rather nice, working side by side with her. I do have to say, though, L does make an awful mess! I could have done what she wanted, probably more neatly, in half the time and not left as much mess everywhere as she did! And guess who had to clean it up? Yes, you guessed it, but actually, Brian came and helped me, so it was ok. You cannot really fault L for wanting to do some of the work for her parents tea. She should just learn to drop less crumbs and sticky smears everywhere! Giggling.

Anyway, in time, everything was arranged on the table and moon above, it did look beautiful! L was fussing because the cream was not thick enough, she was nervous as a pixi, bless her! Anyway, when everything was done, I made myself scarce. I took a peek through the crack in the door when L’s parents arrived, they looked nice. I wished I could have gone and had tea too.

After they had all gone, L came and got me and then came the best bit! I sat on her lap and she had saved some scones for me, she had even spread them with raspberry jam and cream, oh stars! I had never tasted anything like it! Ok, the cream ran everywhere and L had to wipe my face, like I really minded that a lot! I went to bed one very sticky and happy lep!

I awoke to my phone ringing. It was half-past five, I was not amused. When I made out who it was, however, I was mollified. It was Tuli’s husband Shay, telling me that their new lepling had arrived half an hour before, on the dawn of Saint Patrick! A very lucky thing, that is, indeed! And, even better for Tuli, it was the daughter we all know she had been secretly longing for, after having produced six sons.

I congratulated them both and then tried to get back to sleep, but it was useless, so I got ready for the day, showered, dressed, got things tidy in here and booted up Nia Netbook to see who was around. I was betting most of us would be up and doing and I was not wrong.

There were a good many of my brothers and sisters on Facebook, so I wished everyone a happy Saint Patrick and exchanged news with this one and that one. At the moment Danic is still in the colony, but only until the 20th. He will be going to Ireland then and Lita will be going with him, just for the first two weeks or so. Lita is relieved to have got it settled, but she did not tell me how they are paying for the healing gardens and I did not ask. I suppose Mart came to some terms with them. What he doesn’t know is that I’ve paid for the healing up front on the quiet, and anything Mart pays them will go into a holding account in case Danic needs more healing in future, which is not unlikely. I haven’t told anyone, not Lita and certainly not Mum who would have it all over the family in no time flat. I just hope to the stars Mart never finds out, but I’m not sorry I did it. That poor little bean deserves a chance, bless him.

I had a lovely Email from tovey and Aprilina, Tovey is a few years younger than me and Lina, well, she always liked me when we were at school, but then Shana-Sherin interfered, so that was the end of that! Anyway, they asked if I would like to come on Skype, so I loaded it, I have not used it since I got Nia, though Brian set it up for me and I added a good few of the family and anyway, Tovey was online. After a bit of fiddling, I got drawn into a conference, I think it is called. Tovey and Lina and Mella and Derry, then Lita and Mart and I. WE had a fantastic time! WE used video calling, so I got to see them all and they got to see me! Stars, I had forgotten how different homemade lep clothes look to human ones! They could not get over me in my nice jeans and baby gap sweatshirt!

Then the best thing happened! Mum and Dad called into Mella’s, so I got to see them and they me and we had a really great talk, all of us! Mum and Dad have a computer but they do not have Skype, Mart says though that he will show them how to set it up.

Well, that is about all for now. WE had a small breakfast this morning, Brian and L are going out for a while later to see L’s brother, which will leave me with more time to be with the family on our special day. It is wonderful to talk to them on Saint Patrick’s day, but I am so glad I am here. I just want to be right where I am, here, with Brian and L, they are really my family now.

March 18.

Oh moon above me! What does it say in that play L likes? “Lord, how my head aches! What a head have I! It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces!” Yes, that is it, Google is my friend! Giggle! Well, that just about describes my head today! I have had hangovers before, usually from over-indulging with Hinky, but I will gladly put up with this one, even though it is a bit worse, because, well, let us go back a bit.

L and Brian went out yesterday at about half past eleven and I had the flat to myself. I spent the time on Facebook and Skype, catching up with the family. I even had a rather starchy Email from Gwenice. She, dear Journal, is the sister that came right after me. We were sort of friends, well, I was closer to her than I was to anyone else in the family at that time, even Mella. Anyway, she never forgave me that I got into Shana-Sherin and she did not. She has never married, she went to Ireland to become a healer, wanted to work in the healing gardens, but she was not good enough for that. They sent her to a colony somewhere in the wilds of Norfolk. Keep her out of trouble, if you ask me. She has a giant sized chip on both shoulders. Anyway, I had a brief Email from her, wishing me a happy Saint Patrick, so that is at least something.

I had word from Mum about Tuli’s new arrival. They’re calling it PattiAnne, poor little scrap! Tuli says her daughter’s name has to honour the Saint. Well, I suppose it could have been a lot worse.

Brian and L came back from L’s brother’s house and I made us all some lunch. I love it when I am asked to sit at the table and we can eat all together. WE had a lovely lunch, lots of chatter and laughter. They told me all about going to see Nathan, that is the name of L’s brother and I told them all about my family. Do you know, I had never done it before, well, not much, but they were very interested to hear.

It seems that Brian and L have come up with a new project to get their teeth into and they might want me to help with the production and research. After lunch, I cleared up and washed the dishes, while they worked on their computers, doing the ground work for the project. I will not write about it much here, in case this should ever fall into the wrong hands. When everything was clean, they were still working, so I fetched Gallinda, that is what I call my IPhone just so you know, plugged in my earbuds and just played games and nerdled, as L says, until they were free. It is a very companionable way to spend time with my people and I like it.

We actually went on that way until I made us dinner. I sat at the table and we all ate dinner together and after that and a little more work on this and that, L opened a bottle of wine and gave herself and Brian a big glass. I have to say, I was a bit sniffy, because I did not get any, a problem L picked up on straight away. I sometimes think she is plugged right into my head. She can always pick up when I am even the least bit upset or unhappy about something. She did not say anything, she just reached over to where I was sitting between her and Brian, pulled me on to her lap, put one arm around me, picked up her glass in the other hand and from then on, while we all talked, she and I shared the wine. Can you imagine, dear journal, what it was like, sharing a glass with my L? I was just in heaven, sitting there on her lap, it was… she is just… well, I had better not say, she might see this one day, but oh stars! L!

Ok, Bert, get a grip here! Well, I was a little bit worse for wear when I went to bed and I did not wake until about half past eleven, when L brought me a cup of black coffee and some painkillers, she thought I might be needing them. I am ashamed to say, I am still in bed. L says I can stay there until we need to leave, she says everything is done. I do feel awful, in both ways. I usually help Brian pack and get ready to go, but I just cannot this morning, afternoon, I mean. Oh Lord! I am going to stop this and try and get a little sleep before I have to try and get vertical.

Maybe I will write more later.

From the Train.

Dear Journal, if I ever have the urge to drink wine again, even from L’s glass, remind me how I am feeling right now! I did not get up until three and even now I am feeling like death warmed up, as I have heard humans say! Apart from black coffee, I have not been able to touch a crumb, even though L said I would feel better if I ate. No no no and no!

Anyway, here we are, once more on the boring boring train! I do, do do wish Brian had let me zap home! I could have been asleep in bed right now, but he says it will not do to draw attention to ourselves, so with him I shall have to stay.

Oh help! There is a woman opposite us, she has a bag of doughnuts, horrible fat, greasy doughnuts and she just asked Brian if his cute little boy would like one! Poor lady, she was trying to be kind, but she almost got more than she bargained for! The cute little boy nearly gave her a mouthful of L’s choicest swearwords and threw up in her lap!

Oh this is no good at all, I will have to stop and see if I can sleep any more. I wonder if Brian would let me lean my head against him. I think he might. Low country, I am just going to do it, it is hurting! More later, maybe, if I am still alive!

March 24.

Hello, Dear Journal, remember me? Sorry I have been away so long! Actually you should expect gaps, because when I am alone at Brian’s house, life gets terribly tedious and I do not have that much to write about, but this week I have been so grumpy I just have not felt like it at all.

So, let us see, what has happened since I was last here. Hmmm. On Monday I was still feeling groggy due to my overindulgence, but I could take it fairly easy, as Brian was away working. In the evening, though, I had a call from him that sent me spiraling right down the rabbit hole! He and L decided to take Team-Fm right off the air for good. I cannot say I am really surprised, but stars! I will miss my work for it! From the hints I gathered, it seems that he and L were having some wine to toast its memory, or something. I only mention it here because of what happened afterwards.

On Tuesday life chugged along normally here for me, cleaning, tidying what is already clean and tidy, finding ways to occupy myself and talking to the family when they are around. Lita left for Ireland with little Danic, she will be away a fortnight, but we do not know how long Danic will be at the Gardens, it all depends on what the healers find and what the prognosis is.

I had a call from Brian during his lunch hour. He asked me to call L whenever I had time and see how she was. Apparently she was suffering my Sunday affliction. Poor girl, I sympathized totally, so I called her and oh stars, she sounded awful! I was so worried I called several more times that day. She was always pleased to hear from me. At least, I think she was.

And so we get to Wednesday, nothing much happening with me as usual, but when I called L she sounded worse than ever, said she had a bad Migraine. I was terribly worried, I called Brian and asked if we should get a doctor for L and stars! He was a bit short with me, I could not be expected to know that L did not need a Doctor, she sounded really bad! Ok, I suppose I should not have called him at work, but I was worried!

Well, the rest of Wednesday and all of Thursday was, um, a bit of a shambles really and thinking of it now, how I did not get myself fired I have no idea! Me calling L to see if she was ok, then sending frantic Emails to Brian that L was really not well at all. Brian calling L, L, I am sure, trying to reassure him. Then Brian calling me and telling me to calm down and stop being such a nuisance! It was, well, a bit mad really!

Great was the relief when we got to Friday, I packed my backpack and, after the usual boring day at home, met Brian at the station. I should say that anyone who did not have the amazing reserves of patience that Brian has would have either fired me by now, or made me stay behind, or else cursed me from here to kingdom come! It is a testament to how well we get along that Brian was his usual self with me and we got on the boring boring train in good order, though only just, my word! That train was so busy I zlendt near got squashed flat in the crush!

We arrived at L’s in good time and she gave me my usual hug and a kiss on the cheek. She still was not right and so had ordered takeaway supper for us. I had my favourite chicken, chips, onion rings and a can of ice cold coke. After that I settled down with Gallinda and a good Ibook, as L had felt too ill to get me a film, which was quite ok.

This morning, was awake at six as usual. I got up, showered, dressed, made the bed and tidied the room, then booted up Nia Netbook to see what was what. Logged on to Facebook in the middle of a horrendous row! Mig was online, crying all over Aprilina, saying Tommo had come home all battered and bruised again and he had received an official summons from the central court. I think this time it is either going to be one final warning, or the lockholes. Anyway, I joined the chat and we both tried to comfort Mig, but she was in pieces and what can you say, really? I am really ashamed of Tommo, even if he is my brother.

Anyway, soon Brian and L were up and about and I made us all some breakfast. WE have spent a lovely happy day together, pottering on our computers, or sitting together talking. I have had plenty of lap time, which makes me very happy. Mig told me today she wished I would come home, she thought I could be a more steadying influence on Tommo. I managed not to laugh out loud. We disliked each other intensely from when we were about two. And I cannot think of a good enough reason why I would want to leave this lovely place to go back to that dingy, overcrowded lep colony. Not for all the gold in the old country, I would not!

Well, here’s a lep who’s off to make some cocoa for L. Brian has been drinking enough red wine to float a ship, so he will not want any, but L will like some and I think I will have a cup too. I wonder if I will get to sit on her lap while we drink it. I will tell you tomorrow.

Big smiles.

March 25.

Hi. Ok, I give you fair warning, I am in a very. Bad. Mood! To answer my last point, no I zlendt well did not get to sit on L’s lap while we drank our cocoa, because Brian wanted her, an I was turfed off on to the futon! That was not a good end to an absolutely rubbish week!

So, today I got up and was all set to make breakfast as usual, only L was in the kitchen before me, I must confess, I overslept slightly and by the time I had showered and dressed, made the bed and tidied up, it was a bit late, plus we lost an hour to that laughable thing called British Summer Time! Anyway, L was in the kitchen, singing like a toad with a tummy ache and making coffee and bacon sandwiches in my! Kitchen! Well, it is hers, technically, but she knows I always do breakfast when I am here and I hate it when she messes, I mean, cooks in the kitchen! I always have to clean up, so why can she not just let me do it?

Well, I tried to put my best face on it and I got a nice hug, but it was not a good start to the day. Then, just to add to the chaos, she tried to do something with the water cooler and spilled water from here to Killarney! My stars there was a flood! Then, would you believe it, of all the pig-headed behaviour, she would not let me wipe it up nor use the helping hand to get rid of it, but she would slosh about with a dishcloth and slop it all up one drop at a time! I don’t know, women! One snap of my fingers and I could have had all the surfaces dry in no time flat!

Well, just to add to my feelings of joy and delight the turtle doves were in their best billing and cooing kind of mood this morning, so no lap time for a poor left out lep! Once they had eaten, they both went to their computers, they are busy with some kind of project or other, I do not know what, no one tells me anything around here, so I was left kicking my heels. I wanted to give this place a good going over, especially after L’s efforts to mess up my nice clean kitchen, but Brian told me I would disturb things if I quote buzzed around unquote! Buzzed around? What does he think I am, a bluebottle? Well, I hope I know when I am not wanted, I came in here and here I have been ever since.

I had a look to see who was around on Facebook. That idiot Tommo was online, but I did not feel like talking to him! I do wish I knew how Lita and Danic are, but we will not know anything for ages yet, until Lita gets back from the Gardens. Oh, Tuli had posted some pictures of PattiAnne. What do I mean some, screeds and screeds of them! What is there to see, one lepling looks like any other lepling in my view! Still, I looked for want of anything else to do.

I wrote my weekly Email to Mum and Dad and tried not to sound like I am feeling. Tovey wanted to know if I would like to come on Skype but I honestly could not face it, I am no company for people I like! I got an Email from Mum about an hour after I sent mine. Full of gossip as usual, they are ok, thank goodness. Barty is going mad because Andelaine is marrying someone he cannot stand, apparently he, Barty, doesn’t like Andelaine’s Fiancé’s Father, who is a judge in the local court and once caused him to lose a prestigious case. Barty, dear journal, is an advocate, which is the kind of lep equivalent to lawyers. It is typical of Barty to stand in the way of his favourite daughter’s happiness for so completely petty a reason!

She told me something else very interesting too. I haven’t heard anything much of my brother Nile except the occasional Saint Patrick card which he sent home. He moved away, like I did, but only to a smaller colony in the country, his wife’s people came from there and she did not want to move to the big city and I suppose he loved her enough to go against the usual customs in these matters.

Anyway, they have fourteen lings, that is leplings, you know, so far and Nile wrote to Mum about his daughter Barbriella. Apparently, Babsy has always been a bookworm and for years she has been studying the lep code and learning all she could about the helping hand, much like I did. They are hoping against hope she is going to be chosen for Shana-Sherin. Of course, there is no exam you can take. The heads of Shana-Sherin know you when you are born, it is said. You are either chosen by the heads, or you are not and no amount of study will make you. But according to Nile, Babsy has wanted to follow in my footsteps since she was two. Stars, how about that! I do hope it happens for her!

Well, the two turtle doves are still shut up in the den, clicking away at their computers. A poor lep cannot get in to get so much as a cup of tea! Oh! That is spooky, just after I wrote that, Brian brought one in for me. He said they would not be too much longer. I hope not, I am bored out of my skull. I want food, more tea and to sit on L’s lap for a long. Time. At least an hour. But stars know when or if I will get any of those things. Well, I suppose I will go and read some more of my book. Or something. I might even be reduced to watching the horrible horrible television, there is nothing else to do! More tomorrow, if I have not died of boredom.

Frowns!

March 26.

Well, shimmering stars! What a difference a day made! Yesterday was just totally rubbish and today has been absolutely wonderful! In fact, it still is and, something exciting might be going to happen. More about that in due time.

Now, let me see. The day actually had rather a shaky start. I woke at six, my usual time and I got up, made my bed and tidied the room and was midway through a long, luxurious shower, when Brian barged into the bathroom, would you believe it! I had to finish my ablutions and vacate the chamber forthwith! I did not have time to do more than wrap a towel around me and I was terrified that L was going to come out and catch me like that! Embarrassing or what!

Well, I finally got the towel swapped for one of my usual natty ensembles, a bright blue tracksuit today, in case you are interested and got into the kitchen. No one was about, so I managed to make breakfast in peace and I had it all ready for Brian and L when they came into the den.

Once we had finished our coffee and I had done the dishes while they checked Email and Twitter, Brian had to start work. I went off to my room to boot up Nia Netbook, check my own Email and catch up with the family on Facebook.

Not that much new there. Dad’s back is giving him more trouble. Mum is starting to fuss about PattiAnne’s naming ceremony and she is asking whether I could come home for it. Really! I have missed the naming ceremonies for I do not know how many lings and Tulia and I were never what you might call hand in glove for moon’s sake! But Mum says that a daughter born on the dawn of Saint Patrick is a good omen and will bring the family luck and we should get as many of us together as is possible. She has talked Nile and Marganetta into coming home and Netta hates the city with a passion! Plus she and Mum do not exactly love one another! I really do not want to go home, I have not been home for, oh! It would be nearly twenty years all told. I went straight from Ireland to Merseyside, although I could have had a month’s leave if I had wanted it, I was eager to start work.

I will really have to think about this carefully, after all, I would be away at least a week! I do not know if I could be spared that long. Come to that, I do not know if I could bear being away that long! I would have to rub shoulders with Tommo and Barty and that frozen-faced Gwenice and all the lot of them! No! I am not going. I have decided, they can have PattiAnne’s ceremony without me! Of course, Mum and Dad will not like it. Well, they will have to put up with it, I have work to do.

Anyway. I had an Email from Mella. She is suffering terribly with the new ling, we are all hoping against hope there is not going to be a problem. She has seen the healer, but old Jockie is hardly up to Ireland’s standards! He lifts his first elbow before breakfast, I am surprised he still knows one end of a patient from the other! He will probably end up trying to put a healing draught up… no I will not write that! L would not like it!

Anyway. I had just got all my things done, when the door of my closet opened and L came in. She said if I was very quiet, I could come into the den and have some lap time. Brian likes her to be in there with him even when he is working. Well, I could not get out of the closet fast enough as you can imagine!

Moon above, what a wonderful few hours we had! I sat on L’s lap, with no one to tell me to get down. WE whispered quietly, I told her a lot of things about the family and Shana-Sherin and oh, loads of things, she was so interested and asked questions and laughed in the right places. Then we used a splitter and put headphones in her IPhone and she taught me to play Papa Sangre. Stars, it is difficult! I really got an idea of what it is like not being able to see! Once I got the hang of it it was tremendous fun! We played Ping Pong too, but this got us into trouble, because I had trouble keeping my voice down.

All this time, L had been getting up periodically making drinks for Brian, taking good care of him. I made us all some lunch too when it was time and then the lovely afternoon wore on. Then, L said she was thinking of going back on the air and if she ever did, would I help her with the show, like I had done before? Would I ever! I was so excited I shouted out. Um, bad idea!

At five O’clock I went back here to the closet to give Brian and L some time to themselves, but when I came back to make dinner, L told me she had an audition on Wednesday night. It has been a quiet evening, both of them busy on the computer, with me snuggled in between them. I am, dear journal, at the moment, one very, very happy and rather excited lep!

Big smiles.

Handwritten on a bedside scribbling jotter.
March 25th.

What am I going to do about this? It would be so wonderful, if I only dared. But it’s too dangerous. No, I can’t. I won’t. My precious, precious Zahala, I’m not risking it, not for anything!

March 30.

I’m. Working. On. The. Bear’s. Lair! Hurray!

Hi, dear journal, I wanted to write before now, but it’s been rather a hectic few days and I have not had time, but Brian is working today and, get this! He has left me here with L, now that is unheard-of! L and I have the den to ourselves, she is reading some things she needs to read for her radio work, I am writing this. It is just yayness in the extreme!

Anyway, back to what has been happening. Tuesday was a quiet, uneventful kind of a day, Brian had the day off, so he was around the place, which meant I did not get much in the way of lap time! peh, as L would say! L was very nervous about her upcoming audition, even though we both told her she would walk it! She spent quite a lot of the day getting ready for it.

I spent quite a lot of Tuesday avoiding the family. They are all ganging up on me about PattiAnne’s naming ceremony. Even Mella thinks I should go home for it! I would never have believed it of her! She knows how I feel about going back! Gwenice is coming up from Norfolk, of course she would! Even Leo and Lialani are coming back from Ireland for it! I never thought the gruesome twosome would come back from the old country!

Oh, I had better explain. Leo and Lani are twins. For leps, twins are unusual and very lucky. We have three sets of twins in the family, so I suppose we are luckier than most! For myself I do not see how it makes you lucky, it just makes a bigger family, more hard work and more food to find, but that is just my opinion. Anyway, Leo and Lani were always absolutely inseparable and they were determined nothing would ever part them. They were always fascinated with old tales about the old country, so as soon as they were of age, they applied for leave to go home and they were accepted. The last I heard, they have a thriving farm and are as happy as anything, living all alone with their cattle and sheep and goats and chickens. And now they’re coming back for the dratted ceremony! Only nasty old Bert does not want to come home and I am fast becoming the villain of the piece! It is getting so that I do not want to log on to Facebook, or look at my Email, because I am just getting jumped on! Why could the horrible brat not have been born on March 18th, or the 16th, then we would not have had all this fuss!

Stars, I am digressing, let me see, where was I? Oh yes, Wednesday. Wednesday was another fairly quiet day, except poor L was getting more and more nervous. She must have done and redone her playlist twenty times if she did it once! I thought I would more than likely be needed to help with the audition in one way or the other and I was not wrong.

During the day, even more of the family had a go at me about the ceremony! Barty put his oar in, of course and I really came close to giving him a mouthful of L’s choicest swears! The only thing is, he has never been near humans and would not understand them! Dad wrote me an Email. Dad hates computers and rarely goes near one, it is Mum who usually Emails or chats on Facebook. He said the same as everyone else. I am not listening. I am ignoring it. I am not. Going to that stupid ceremony!

L nearly fell flat on her face at the start of the audition and would have if I had not rushed in to help her! Luckily, with the bit of help I gave her and her own experience, she passed, like we knew she would, so now L’s radio show, The Bear’s Lair, will be coming to a different Internet radio station and as Hinky will not be around, I get to help her full time, pouring the virtual drinks, finding the requests and anything else she wants. I am just thrilled about it!

Late that night, I was sleeping peacefully when I was startled by lights going on everywhere. AS you know, Brian and L cannot see, so they never put the lights on. Now, here were lights shining out in the middle of the night. I opened my closet door and Brian told me gently to go back to bed. L was having a bad asthma attack and paramedics were coming! Go back to bed, after that? Not zlanny likely! Yes, I know, I used a mild swear word, but it was a lep one, so it could have been worse, couldn’t it! Giggling here. Anyway, back to my story.

I have to admit, dear journal, I have rarely been so scared. I was glad that the paramedics arrived quickly, hooked L up to a machine and she could soon breathe easily again. Once the paramedics left, we were all soon asleep.

The next day, Brian worked, I did nothing much of anything except bite my nails and L had an awful Migraine, one of the worst I have seen. I was scared and I think Brian was too.

Mum told me yesterday that Barty and Andelaine had another huge row about the wedding and she’s scared Andelaine is going to elope with young Gordy if Barty does not stop being such an idiot! I think she is getting ready to put her oar in there, but I think she will do better to stay out of it. Andelaine is old enough to know what she wants for better or worse.

So we come to today. Well not much so far. Brian had to get up at ungodly O’clock to go to work and L got up to give him breakfast. Of course, that was the first I heard of this, no one tells me anything! I could have had breakfast ready for both of them if they had only let me know! Well, we had breakfast and now Brian has left and we are here. It is just fantastic. I will maybe write more later today, but maybe not, I am not expecting anything much to happen, we shall just see. At the moment, this lep is very happy.

Big Smiles.

Later.

Well now this lep is most decidedly not happy, zlendt it all! It all started when I was just hear, curled up peacefully beside L, having a small nap while she clicked on her computer. My phone rang and it was Mum, telling me to fire up Skype right away, there was a big hoo-ha going on and she needed my help! So I had to leave my comfortable place beside L, go to my cold closet, boot up Nia, sign into Skype, knock to get into a conference being hosted by Mella and moon above me! Hoo-ha was right! The fur and feathers were flying in every direction imaginable, I could not hear myself think!

What I made out, after having to yell, a thing I never do, for quiet so that someone could explain it to me, was that Tommo has got himself locked up in the lockholes for hitting top brass, stupid idiot! Mig is asking the council for a dissolution, something that is practically unheard-of, certainly in our part of the world and she wants to take the lings and move back to her home colony somewhere in Scotland! Of course, Mum is having a bird about this huge rift in the family and it means the whole of Tommo’s lot, lings included, would miss this huge, lucky naming ceremony she is trying to put together, with everyone coming home from the four corners of the globe, everyone except nasty old Bert, of course! He is standing firm on that point, oh yes he is!

Well, we had Mum and Dad on the one hand, (They must have Skype set up now, Mum has always been a dab hand with computers), trying to persuade Mig to stay and wait for Tommo to come out. After his assaulting top brass, I think that should be somewhere around Christmas 2050! Just my opinion, of course. Then we had Mella, saying Mig only had one life and it was not good for the lings to be in the kind of environment they were in and anyway it would be more healthy for them in rural surroundings. Then Shay chipped in and said what about poor Patsy’s naming ceremony and Mig said to hell with the brat’s naming ceremony, a sentiment with which I heartily agree, what about her, mig’s, life! And we had the gawkers and gossipers who just happened to be there chipping in and having their say.

What anyone expected me, a lep who is not even living there and only knows about this second hand, to contribute, I cannot imagine! But I did manage to get everyone to calm down. There is no shouting here and I just cannot stand it. Mum was the worst culprit, she does tend to wail and weep when she gets agitated and when she starts, it starts everyone else off too. She, Mum, wanted me there for some reason, so whenever she started on one, I told her to talk quietly or I would ring off. That shut her up pretty fast and with everyone calmer, we managed to get a solution hammered out.

Mig is going to stay until this ridiculous naming ceremony, which will be on April 17th, just in case anyone gives a, never mind. And after that, she will decide whether to go or stay.

Well, dear journal, by the time I had got everything squared away, a dishcloth would have had more strength, I can tell you! I was ready for a nice sit on L’s lap and a cup of tea! Only I did not get either! Brian had come home from work and it was bill and coo, coo and bill, I had to rush back in here with a bright red face and a dry throat! Just yuk in a bucket!

So, it was nearly dinner time and I was still stuck in here. I was about to go out and start cooking, I assumed they wanted feeding, I certainly did, when L tapped on my door and told me that dinner was ready! Oh great! The perfect end to a perfect day! Not! Now you, dear journal, know how I feel about L. There is no other person on whose lap I would rather sit. But her cooking? Um, let us just say I can do better, I am cordon bleu trained, after all! So we ate anemic fish, ready-made mash and soggy veg and that was fine, just fine, I can usually do it with a smile, well half a smile, but, dear journal, the mess! It takes some cleaning up after L has been in the kitchen I can tell you!

Well, I am in here with the turtle doves now, they have deigned to let me on to the sofa, although it is just as well this journal is private! Brian says he has redesigned my web page and I must go and check it out as soon as I have done this. Now they are opening wine. I wonder if L will let me share hers again? But no! No no and again, no! I do not want another hangover like I had before, not for all the wine in the world! Not even from L’s glass! I suppose I will just go back to my closet if they start being silly. Might even have to watch the horrible horrible TV! So. That’s how it is just now. Rubbish! More tomorrow if I have not run away to sea!

Frowns.

Jotter Entry.March 31.

I can’t deal with this. Even Dad at it now? Scenes, rows, drama, I don’t want any of it. Perhaps I really should run away, then everyone would be safe. Except me of course. Oh zlendt and keerdles! Should I explain to Brian and L? Or should I just go, get out. I don’t know.