September 2012
September 14.
Hi everyone.
Honestly, there are times when I wish I did not have a family! Being back on visiting terms with them this year has been fantastic in lots of ways, but I have to say, just hearing about all the endless shenanigans second hand was so much easier. These last two weeks have been fairly uneventful here at home, but I have almost been at the tearing my hair stage with the family! I've got myself involved in a messy dissolution, Barty is not speaking to me again, like I am really devastated about that, Mum has the grumps with me, Tulia is on the scrounge and as for tommo... Well I suppose I had better begin at the beginning.
We had a nice normal rest of Friday after I left off writing. I cooked a lovely dinner and then we settled on the sofa with our respective computers for the evening. Saturday was its usual mental self only more so. Brian had this huge documentary going to air in the evening, so for a lot of the day I was helping him put the last minute touches to that in between helping L get ready for her show. Both shows were a great success but I have to say that documentary was one of Brian's best ever! After our busy day we all had a glass of wine and relaxed with some nice music and our usual cosy chat for the rest of the evening. We were all exhausted so did not stay up too late.
I woke up Sunday morning and went through my usual morning routine. When I booted up Nia Netbook and checked my Email I had yet another message from Tulia to check if I was coming over that afternoon. I had already told her several times that I was. She again mentioned bringing Tealy with me. I did not answer the mail that time. I was beginning to have a shrewd idea what Tuli was after and I did not like it at all. I had no problem with using Tealy’s spells to help people who needed it, but Tuli and Shay were both in perfect health and well able to forage for themselves and I did not like the thought of Tealy being used in this way, she was not anyone’s meal ticket. But then, I told myself, maybe I was wrong. I would just have to wait and see.
I had a check on Facebook and nothing much new was going on there. Mella was online and I had a nice chat to her and told her I’d see her later. She was genuinely sorry when I told her Tealy wasn’t coming with me, she said it was nice of her to send the FeedMe, but they would all have liked to see her. Wow, I thought. That was handsome coming from Mella!
I went into the den and made a nice breakfast for Brian and L. We all sat around the table, dawdling over our coffee. Then L decided that infuriating Silly needed a bath, so I got my things together and left for the colony.
It was quite a nice day and there seemed to be more than the usual number of gawpers about. I seemed to be getting stared at quite a lot as I politely pushed my way through them and made my way down to Mum and Dad’s cube. When I came in, Mum and Dad stopped what they were doing and turned to me with worried faces.
“Hi Mum, Dad,” I said. “What’s up? In fact what’s up with everyone at the moment. Why is everyone staring at me like I’m going to explode any second?”
For a minute no one spoke and then Dad took a deep breath.
“Sit down, Son,” he said gravely. Oh zlendt, I thought, what in the name of the moon have I done now?
“Our Bert,” that was my Mum, sounding upset. “Is it true that you’re going to give evidence against Barty at this dissolution hearing?”
“Yes, Mum,” I said quietly, “I’m afraid it is.”
“That’s bad, son.” Dad sounded even more serious. “Look I ain’t blind. I know there ain’t no love lost between you an’ Barty, there never ‘as been, but to give evidence agin ‘im to the council? That’s family disloyalty, Bert. Did you never fink of that. If the family can’t stick together no matter what, if we ain’t got our family to rely on, then we ain’t got nuffin.”
You might think it naive of me, but this angle had simply never occurred to me. Barty and I had never been on good terms, in fact we totally detested each other. But Dad was right, he was my full brother. Was I really going to give evidence against him? Shame him before the council and the colony? Help his wife to end their marriage and take his leplings?
His leplings. I thought of those pinched faces and hollow, listless eyes. I thought of those poor lings eating pine needles for three days because of Barty’s ridiculous, contemptible pride and my resolve hardened again. I looked into my Dad’s eyes and spoke with quiet determination.
“Barty’s lings are family too.” I said. “You didn’t see them, the way they were living. They were starving, Dad. I mean that quite literally. Barty was refusing to draw rations for them because he didn’t want anyone to know that a fem could ever dare to leave the great Bartle Alfardan. He sacrificed those poor lings to his own pride and selfishness. If the council lets him keep the lings he will do it again. Little Jordo is only three and loorie is only a year older. I do not want their serious illness or worse on my conscience.”
Stars! I am such a wimp! There were tears in my eyes when I finished. Just the thought of feeding smushed up bread and soup to those poor little ones last week just completely reduced me to pulp. Mum poured me a cup of tea and Dad looked at his boots until I was ok again.
“Well, our Bert,” Dad said, “I suppose you got to do what you got to, but I’m tellin’ you. There’s gonna be any amount o’ trouble over this an’ I ain’t kiddin’. There’s talk all over the colony about it an’ your name’s getting’ to be mud in more’n one cube. It ain’t exactly nice for your Mum an’ me.”
“What do you want me to do then?” I asked heatedly. “Back off? Let him walk all over Marni? Let those lings zlanny starve and know that I could have prevented it? Is that what you want?”
They both looked at me as if I had grown an extra head. Mum sank into a chair, threw her apron over her head and gave way to one of her long weeping fits.
“I’m never goin’ to be able to ‘old me ‘ead up in this colony again! I know you got to do what you fink is right, our Bert, but why couldn’t you ‘ave just stayed out of fings? Now ‘alf me friends won’t talk to me no more! Two dissolutions this year! Oh this family’s goin’ to be the talk of the colony!”
I stared in complete consternation. I hated to see Mum getting into this kind of state over something I had done but it did not alter the fact that I just had to do this, there was no ducking it. As Mum’s weeping and wailing mounted I looked around helplessly, wondering what on earth to do. Fortunately, my Dad’s down-to-earth good sense kicked in just then and was I ever glad!
“Now shut up, our Lil!” he suddenly said in his gruff, sergeant-major tone. “Can’t you see you’re jus’ makin’ fings worse for our Bert? ‘e’s in between a tornado an’ a ‘urricane anyway! I don’t like it no better’n you do, but weepin’ like a waterspout ain’t doin’ no one no good an’ it’s givin’ me a ‘eadache!”
Mum gave him a very surprised look, Dad did not often speak to Mum like that, but she wiped her face and quieted down.
After that we just sat and chatted about my week back at the Lair. I ate a slice of Mum’s blackberry pie to please her, actually it was very good indeed. Eventually it was time to say goodbye and head off to Mella and Derry’s. I got a rapturous welcome there. Derry was propped up in bed, looking a good deal more cheerful. Mella gave me a lovely smile and a huge hug and kiss. The lings swarmed all over me as usual, but they soon sat down and were quiet once I had shaken the little bottle of FeedMe on the table and produced the usual lovely spread Tealy made for them. Mella and I were soon cutting slices of crusty bread and serving up huge bowls of delicious wild mushroom hotpot and fluffy dumplings.
It was lovely at Mella’s and I did not want to leave, but I had promised Tulia I would come over. I headed for their cube which was away off the beaten track in a relatively quiet corner of the colony. Tuli beckoned me to come in as I cautiously peeped around the curtain. Their medium large cube was usually a haphazard arrangement of boots, clothes, pots and pans, lings climbing over everything and leps sitting anywhere they could find a place. Only not today.
The cube was in what humans call apple pie order. Everything was swept, dusted and polished to new pin neatness. The six boys were sitting around a completely bare table and Tuli, who was all dressed in her best, was holding a squirming PattiAnne who was trying to get to Herby. Shay was not there.
Tuli’s face dropped when she saw I was alone.
“Where’s your girlfriend then?” was all the greeting I got.
“She is not my girlfriend for a start,” I answered, “And hi, Tulia, nice to see you, I’m great, thanks so much for asking. And as for Tealy, she is working today and couldn’t come with me.”
Tulia looked completely thrown and the lings set up a kind of whining wail. I looked at them in surprise. One of the smallest ones stood up and kicked his chair over backwards.
“Mum, you promised we was goin’ to ‘ave stew an’ salad an’ bread an’ cheese, an’ cake! You said we’d get it if we was good an’ put our bestest fings on, an’ was nice to that weird lookin’ fing wiv the big ears. You said she’d be sure to give it us! What a zlenky swiz. Can I put me old fings back on an’ go out to play?”
“Ronno,” Tuli hissed like a snake, “Sit down an’ shut up!”
“So, Tulia,” I said. “That’s why all this sisterly affection all of a sudden? I thought so. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”
“It’s all right for you!” she snapped. “It ain’t easy to find enough food for nine, an’ winter comin’ on an’ all. Shay’s never been much of a forager an’ I got me ‘ands full wiv all these zlanny lings to see to. That zlendt elf gives food to Mella’s lot, an to those lings of Barty’s, an’ she splashed it all around at Mum an’ Dad’s the other week. Why shouldn’t we get some too? Ain’t my lings as good as anyone else’s?”
“Mum and Dad are getting on, as you very well know, besides which they’d do anything for anyone. Derry is sick and can’t forage for the family at the moment. And as for Barty’s lings, have you taken a moment of your valuable time to even see how they are? They were starving, Tuli, starving! So how about you? Do you help anyone? Aren’t you and Shay perfectly fit, healthy and able to look after your own family? Tealy isn’t a bottomless pool, it takes effort to make spells and I won’t have her used, so you can get that into your head.”
Tulia turned her back on me and started to get pots and pans off a shelf, making a big clatter.
“Well fanks for nuffin, Mr. High an’ Mighty,” she spat over her shoulder. “You’d better get lost if you ain’t goin’ to do nuffin better’n lecture us. Now I’ll ‘ave to listen to Shay tellin’ me ‘e was right all along all night.”
I headed towards the door. So, Shay had not been in on Tuli’s plan, I was glad about that because I liked him, in fact I liked him a good deal better than I liked my sister. The lings were still whining and as I was about to leave I suddenly had a change of heart. It was totally against my better judgment, but I thought it was what Tealy would probably have done. I turned back and went up to the table.
“Ok, first off,” I said, “The person who can make food appear is called Tealy. You mustn’t say she’s a weird thing with big ears. How would you feel if someone said that about you, especially if you were doing something nice for them?” The lings, especially the little ones, looked at me with big eyes.
“Second thing is, Tealy makes food appear for people who really, really need it because they can’t get it for themselves. Your Mum and Dad can. But I think if she knew you had been promised nice things and cake, she would like you to have it. So, do you promise that if I bring her to see you again you’ll thank her nicely and not ask for anything else?”
I got a collection of solemn nodds. I took the bottle of FeedMe with its pink stopper out of my pocket and shook some over the table. For a moment nothing happened and then the table groaned with food. Tulia stood silently by the fire as I helped myself to crockery and cutlery and began helping the lings to vegetable stew and mounds of fresh salad.
When everyone was busily munching I turned to leave. Tuli was staring at me fixedly. I wondered what was up and then I saw where she was looking. She was looking fixedly, almost greedily at my pocket, like a cat would look at a mouse hole, waiting for the mouse to hop out. I gazed at her in absolute disgust.
“What?” I said. “You want me to leave this bottle with you? Tuli, you are really something!”
“Well,” she said defensively, “What else are you gonna do wiv it.”
I looked her straight in the eyes. “I am going down to Andi’s to feed Barty’s lings. They really need the rest of it. Bye, Tuli.” And I was gone.
When I got to Andi’s it was in organized chaos. Gordy and Andi’s place is tiny and was not fitted for as many as were now crammed into it. But when you got in there the atmosphere of happiness just hit you. Everyone was smiling, everyone was doing whatever needed to be done. Even the little ones had their jobs to do. Andi was looking worn out but totally happy. She gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted tea.
“No thanks, Zaea,” I said. “I’ve just come to leave you a present.”
I shook the rest of the FeedMe all over Andi’s smallish table and I swear there was suddenly not one inch of visible space on it for the dishes, bowls, plates and platters of good things to eat. Gordy had rigged up some ingenious swinging chairs on the walls, so we got all those little monkeys and some of the older ones too, into seats while Andi, Gordy and a couple of the eldest lings including young Mick, stuffed the smallest ones with food. It was one big, noisy, happy, laughing scrum. Once the littles were munching the older ones ate standing up. The decibel level was going through the roof and pretty soon I’d had enough. I made my excuses and returned to Mum and Dad’s where I collapsed into a chair and had to have a tot of Zair to revive myself!
Well that was my visit more or less over, I got back well in time for Double, it was a fun show. Soon after it finished I headed for an urgent meeting with a soft pillow, my stars I was tired!
I awoke on Monday to my usual scroll tied in its usual pink ribbon. Yay, news from Babsy at Shana-Sherin.
“Dear Uncle Bert.”
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I have the flu and have received a bad report this week.”
“Woo woo, guess what, Uncle? Kryss is back, an this time it’s for good. She kicked up such a zlenk in magnolia they moved her back into my dorm. Only thing is we kind of went out for a midnight feast in the elfin glade an we got caught in the rain an then Madam Mauraine caught us an she went on an on an now I got the flu but I don’t care. Kryss is the bestest besty in the world.”
“May the sun give you a pink nose an blue ears an the helping hand keep you from dropping pans on your foot.”
“Love an little pink elephants with purple spots”
“Babsy-boo”
“PS, they don’t check me stuff in sickbay so I can be as daft as I likes. Hurray! Write soon, Uncle. Xx”
When I had stopped giggling I wrote back to Babsy and then got on with the day. When I booted up Nia Netbook I had two nice surprises. First an Email from Shay. He was very awkward, but he apologized for Tuli’s behaviour on Sunday and thanked me so much for what I had done at his cube. I think under his quiet exterior, Shay is pretty furious with Tuli.
The second mail was from Tealy. She asked me to dinner on Wednesday. I got back to her straight away and said I would have to ask, as Brian was going to be away and also I was going to be absent for part of the day as it was, to give evidence at Barty and Marni’s dissolution hearing.
Once I had pottered about on Facebook, I went into the den to get breakfast and talk to Brian and L about Wednesday. Brian was a little bit doubtful.
“It all depends what’s happening, Bert,” he said. “If everything is ok here I don’t have a problem with it, but…” he did not need to say anymore. If L was unwell the last thing I was going to do was swan off to dinner with Tealy and leave her to fend for herself.
I Emailed Tealy a provisional yes and we got on with a very busy day. Brian was working and we had two surprise shows to get on air that evening. We all three worked hard, then I helped with the shows, both of which went off really well and we spent the rest of the evening relaxing on the sofa.
Stars, I cannot tell you how amazing it was to know that although Brian was going away, I did not have to leave with him for the Merseyside tomb. I helped L get everything ready for his departure and when he had gone she and I settled down to a very nice day indeed. We read, played games, listened to music, did a little work, it was just wicked.
On Wednesday morning I awoke with a sick feeling of nerves in the pit of my stomach. I got some breakfast for L, had a cursory check on Facebook, skimmed through my Emails, then dressed very carefully and left for the colony.
I arrived at the zapping bushes to see a familiar little figure waiting there. It was a chilly autumnal day and she was wearing a short, swinging, beautifully cut deep red coat over slim-fitting black trousers and soft black leather ankle boots. A fetching little red velvet beret was perched between her ears at a ridiculously jaunty angle. She wore matching red velvet bows in her ear hair. I just gawked at her.
“What are you doing here?” was all I could find to say.
“I took the day off, darling. That’s why I worked on Sunday.” She said with a dazzling smile. “I thought you might need some support.”
For a moment my throat just closed up. I had indeed been dreading walking into the council cube on my own. I might still have to do that, but now at least there was someone around for me. Tealy tucked her arm in mine and we walked towards the outer doors.
The council was in full session for the hearing. A dissolution is a very serious matter and they are really very rare indeed, which only makes it worse that this is the second one to have been heard in our family this year. If a dissolution is sought, the council have to convene a hearing, but there are no guarantees that the dissolution will be granted. Marni’s position was not good. She had no family except us, precious little support, no one to turn to, no skills and twelve lings who needed to be cared for. Barty was an important lep, an advocate, everyone knew him. It was very lucky for him that dissolution hearings always took place behind tightly closed doors.
When Tealy and I arrived at the council cube what I had half expected happened. Tealy was not allowed to go in. We tried to persuade the guards, but try persuading the wind not to blow. Luckily, Marni arrived with Nan and told the guards to let Tealy in, so there was little they could say after that. WE all walked in together and took seats at the front.
Barty was already there, looking as puffed up as a bullfrog. He was wearing his full advocacy regalia, carrying a huge sheaf of documents and trying to look the picture of injured innocence. Unfortunately when he saw us his face turned purple with rage and he glowered like anything, so it rather spoiled the image for him.
Well, the council clerk declared the hearing in session and the head of the council went through a lot of legalese, explaining about lep marriage and how serious a dissolution was etc etc. Then he asked who called for dissolution. Marni stood up, looking very white but very determined.
“I do, your honour,” she said in a quiet, firm voice.
“Why are you asking for dissolution?” asked the head of the council.
Minnimarni took a deep breath and seemed to gather herself.
“Your honour, I’ve been married to Bartle for twenty years. I married ‘im because me parents wanted me to, they said ‘e’d be an important man one day. They said ‘e’s nice enough, our Marni, you like ‘im well enough, the rest will come in time. Barty wanted me because me Dad was an advocate an’ could ‘elp Barty get on. I did me best to be a good wife and mother, always me very best. Only nothing didn’t come in time. Bartle’s a cruel lep, your honour. I can’t say ‘e’s ever taken ‘is ‘and to me or the lings, them things get known about, you can’t ‘ide the marks. But there’s wuss things than ‘ittin’. There’s cruel words an’ bullyin’ an’ bad moods an’ bein’ afraid to say a word for fear of what’ll ‘appen if you do. I’m afraid of ‘im, your honour, an’ the lings is too. WE lived like this for more years than enough. Andi’s gone now, she ‘ad to run away to get free of it an’ if it wasn’t for ‘er uncle Bert the stars know what would ‘ave ‘appened to ‘er. Two of me boys ‘ad to go for guards to get away and Nan is clever an’ the And protected ‘er. But what about the rest? I ain’t a-goin’ to see ‘em beaten down an’ wore out like I am. I want a better life for ‘em, an’ for me too. If I ‘as to work meself into the ground, then that’s what I’ll do, but I wants my lings to be ‘appy from now on, if they get the chance. We wasted too much time already.”
I just stared in complete admiration. I had never heard Marni say as many words as that in all my life. Well, then the head of the council asked Barty for his response and it took twenty minutes. Endless pontification about the sacredness of lep marriage, about the sanctity of the lep home, how the head of the house’s word was law, how he had only been a strict father to ensure that the tender seedlings grew up straight and strong. Honestly, I nearly lost my breakfast, what I had been able to eat of it! Barty’s courtroom voice, rich, fruity and loud, rang through the chamber, he waved his arms about like pictures I have seen of human stage actors. He was just reaching his peroration when a council member, a small, dry, wrinkled old lep, one of the longest serving on the council, banged his hand down on the table.
“Really Mr. Bartle!” he said in a voice like sandpaper and sawdust. “Do you think we have time to listen to you sucking and blowing all day? You are not in a courtroom. I heard all I needed to hear a full nineteen and a half minutes ago. Pray be seated.”
Barty deflated like a burst balloon. He gave an imploring look at the head of the council, who nodded curtly.
“That will do, Mr. Bartle, I think.” He said. Barty sat down in a huff.
The head of the council then asked if there were any statements to be taken in the matter of the dissolution. I was about to stand up when from somewhere behind me andi walked forward to the front. In calm measured tones she told the whole story of how her Father had refused to let her marry Gordy and why. I heard of some very distressing bullying and bad scenes that I had known nothing about. When she had given her statement she went back to her seat very pink in the face and not looking at anyone.
After this I was asked for my statement. I tried to pull my ragged thoughts together.
“Your honour,” I said. “Last Sunday week I was visiting my home colony on leave of absence from my employment in the human world. I was accompanied by an elf who is able to perform the FeedMe spell and has been doing so to help my family of late. We knew that Mrs Minnimarni had left home and I also knew she had young leplings. I undertook to go and see how they were faring. On arriving at their cube I found it closed tight. I knocked and heard conversation behind the door to the effect that their father had warned them not to open the door to anyone. When I explained who I was and that I had come to help them, I was admitted to the cube, which I found in a state of complete squalor. The leplings were sitting around the table and were, to my eyes, displaying signs of acute undernourishment. My friend provided broth and bread, we fed them little and often over the next three hours until they were past the worst danger. When I asked why they had received no colony ration the eldest lepling told me that their father had declined to draw a ration on the grounds that he did not want anyone to know the family’s business and that anyway their mother was bound to return sometime. Those leplings had eaten nothing but pine needles and tree bark for over three days. The youngest is only just three years of age.”
I sat down. The council were looking frozen with disgust. I thought Marni was home and dry.
“Mr. Bartle,” said the head of the council sternly, “what have you to say? Why did you leave your family in this disgraceful condition.”
“I did not, your honour.” Said my noble brother. My jaw nearly hit the floor.
“I beg your pardon?” said the elderly council member. “You did not leave your leplings to eat pine needles for three days?”
“No, your honour, I would not do such a thing.” Said Barty. “I asked my elder daughter to come and take the leplings to her cube and take care of them. I have paid her for their upkeep until we can settle something more permanent.”
Andi and I were both on our feet.
“That’s a lie, your honour, a flat out, bare-faced lie! I ain’t had a grain off ‘im!” Andi was shrieking. As for me, I was rushing towards Barty, so furious with him I was about to punch his lights out and tear him limb from filthy little limb!
Suddenly I saw a flash of red. Tealy had risen and was walking towards the council table.
“Your honour, may I speak?” she asked in such a cool, clear voice that it shut everyone up immediately.
“You, you are the elf who is alleged to have visited Mr. Bartle’s cube with Mr. Bertalius?” the head of the council was looking totally confused and as if he would rather be anywhere else.
“I am.” Tealy said. “I did visit Mr. Bartle’s cube. I am not family, I am an impartial witness and I can prove that Mr. Bartle is lying through his teeth.”
The council put their heads together and whispered heatedly. They looked very troubled.
“Miss Tealy,” said the elderly council member, “This case all hinges on the evidence of family members, one against another. It is a very serious matter. You may not know that according to our law, the word of the family head carries all. Mr. Bartle says he did not ill-treat his family, did not starve his leplings. How can we say he did on the word of his own? But now we cannot declare him innocent either. You say you have proof which will clear this distressing matter up one way or the other? Yet do you not know that without permission from your Elfhold you may not give evidence here?”
Tealy looked troubled. She fidgeted with her beret nervously.
“Sir, Elfholds are burocratic places.” Tealy tugged on one of her ears and tweaked her hair bows, covering them with her hands. “They think of other magical creatures as beneath us anyway. They will not hurry over this and in the meantime things are going to get more difficult for Mrs Marni and the family. Please, could I not just show you and…”
“My dear young elf.” The head of the council was emphatic. “I know you mean well, but this is a serious matter. You say you have certain proof that Mr. Bartle is lying. Then so it will be found, but it can only be found through due process of leprechaun law.” He suddenly drew himself up in his seat and spoke out to the assembly.
“It is our finding at this time that this hearing cannot proceed. The hearing is adjourned until such time as all statements may be taken in proper order and through due process of law. In the meantime Mr. Bartle is hereby prohibited from visiting the Handhold, he is also prohibited from visiting the cube of Gordus Garusan and his wife. Should he break either of these restrictions he will be fined and imprisoned in the lockholes during the council’s pleasure. This council meeting is hereby concluded.”
“All rise!” cried the clerk. It was over. Except that it was not. It was only just starting. Oh stars, what a mess and what on earth were Mum and Dad going to say? At least, thank the moon, no one knew about it.
We all filed out into the thoroughfare. Tealy and I were about to walk down to Mum and Dad’s when we were startled by a commotion behind us. I turned and stared in absolute disbelief.
Gordy had Barty by the throat, holding him so he could not get away and Andi was pummeling him with her fists, punching every single bit of him she could reach, screaming at the top of her voice, calling him names that would have made a sewer lep blush! Luckily andi was a frail little thing, so not many of her blows were doing much damage, but the screaming was drawing every eye and ear for yards around.
I did not know what to do, I can tell you. Part of me knew I should wade in and break it up but most of me was itching to go and help. To think of that disgusting lying weasel saying bare-faced in council that he had taken the lings to Andi straight away! If you could only have seen those poor little pinched faces! I have to admit I was starting towards him when someone beat me to it.
“’ere, our And,” yelled someone in a voice that carried halfway down the thoroughfare it was so loud, “I’ll ‘elp. This is for the pine needles, you old Zgort!”
Oh stars! It was young Mick. Now Mick was about fourteen, he was thin, but tallish and very wiry. He had hard little fists and feet and his blows certainly were doing damage to my dear brother. I was able to ignore the two beautiful black eyes, after all they could not make him look uglier than he already was, but when Barty’s nose made a nasty crunching sound and started bleeding and his lip split I decided to go in and try to break it up, which was when the four guards arrived.
There are times when you really believe in serendipity, or maybe it was the helping hand. Two of those four guards just happened to be Mick’s older brothers. Mick appeared to be telling them what was what in a few well-chosen if hurried sentences. Barty of course could not say much on account of his split lips, plus he did not have much breath. Anyway, the next thing he knew he had been handcuffed and bundled off between the guards who were all grinning broadly. He was charged with causing an affray and slung into the lockholes overnight. I do not know if he will ever recover! Oh what a wicked joke!
Of course, by this time the whole zlendt colony was agog and the story of the dissolution, the starving lings, Tealy and me and everything had got out and was being passed hither and yon, losing nothing in the telling. My poor Mum, I thought. She’s going to have a bird!
She did. By the time I got back to her and Dad’s it was all over their neighbourhood and Mum was half hysterical. WE had to get Kori in the end to give her something. Tealy was just amazing all through that horrible day. Just calm, collected, doing whatever she needed to, helpful and kind and just totally cool! It was getting on for seven by the time Mum was well enough for me to think of leaving.
Tealy and I walked out to the bushes, both feeling as limp as rags.
“I don’t know about you, darling,” she said, “But I’m starved. Shall we go back to the hold and eat now?”
I stared at her doubtfully.
“Oh I don’t know, Tealy,” I said. “I’ve been away all day. L will be worried. I really ought to go back and see if everything’s ok at home.”
She looked really disappointed. I suddenly had a brilliant idea.
“Look, why don’t you come back with me?” I said. “L won’t mind. I’ll just make sure everything’s ok there and then I’ll get us something to eat and we’ll have it in my closet.”
Tealy’s little face lit up. She tucked her arm in mine without a word and a moment later we were back at the Lair.
It was a lovely evening. L was having a slightly bad health day so was not particularly hungry. I made her a toasted sandwich and a cup of tea and left her putting Lily to bed, I suppose I had better call that ridiculous doll by her proper name sometimes.
When I got back to my closet, the table was laid and a lovely smell was wafting around. Tealy was smiling at me as she poured rich wine sauce on to a couple of juicy steaks and spooned soured cream into two split baked potatoes.
“Well, you didn’t think I was going to let you cook did you?” she said, passing me a bowl of crisp salad. “Not after the day you’ve had.
She poured red wine into crystal glasses and we dug in, too hungry and tired to talk much. It really was a delicious dinner.
Tealy left soon after we had drunk coffee, she said she had to be up early for work. I came into the den to see L. Do you know, I sometimes look back at the beginning of this journal when I needed to sit on L’s lap every five seconds. What a complete nuisance she must have found me and why on earth Brian did not wring my neck or fire me I just do not know! These days I am happy to be on the sofa between them mostly, but sometimes, there are times when only L’s lap will do. This had been one of those days.
I poured out the whole story of my horrendous day. L listened till I had finished.
“Now that’s interesting, Sweetie,” she said. “How is Tealy going to conclusively prove that you’re telling the truth and Barty is lying? It’s all your word against his, isn’t it? A question of who they believe.” Unless she uses her magic in some way.
“I don’t know,” I answered. “But she seems confident, if only the powers that be her end will move their tails and give her permission to submit her statement.”
“Well, there is no good worrying about it, sweetie. You’ve done all you can and will go on doing what you need to for the good of the little ones, I know. Try and get some sleep now.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and Wednesday was finally over.
On Thursday I was bone tired all day, so it was a very good job I had practically nothing to do. I lazed on the sofa beside L, watching films, dozing in and out and just trying to recover. I heard from Andi that Barty had been pulled up before the justice council for causing an affray, had been fined and sent about his business. Barty was dying of the humiliation. He sent me an Email late Thursday, telling me everything was my fault and that he would never speak to me again. Again. By my reckoning he was not speaking to me in the first place, so that did not cause me any loss of sleep.
I awoke on Friday, thinking it would be a nice quiet day. I went through my usual routine, logged on to Facebook and found the whole lot of them in complete uproar. Oh no! What on earth had happened now, I thought!
Well this time the trouble was Tommo. Do you remember me telling you that he had picked a fight with someone and come off worst? Well, he had been moved out of the tight security lockholes into the infirmary. Apparently, late the previous night he knocked down and beat up the guard on the late shift in there, took the guard’s uniform and skiddaddled. They knew he had not left the colony, but that was small comfort. There were any amount of places he could be hiding out and although unauthorized zapping was well against the rules, if he had got himself into an out of the way corner, no one was to stop him.
Of course, Ikey was out searching for him, Vee was a bit scared, Mum was beside herself and everyone else was outraged. AS if our family does not have enough to cope with at the moment.
Well there was really nothing I could do so I just got on with the day. Brian was home and had work for me to do. I had a busy, happy day, cooked a nice dinner, had a lovely evening with my people and went to bed at a proper time.
Saturday was its usual, mad, lovely, busy self. The family were still buzzing like a disturbed beehive. The talk swung wildly between where Tommo might be hiding out and Barty’s dissolution. I had several nosy messages on Facebook from outsiders wanting to know more but I ignored them. I had a lovely Email from Tealy telling me basically to hang in there and saying she would see me tomorrow.
Sunday duly arrived and after getting a nice breakfast for Brian and L I set out to meet Tealy at the bushes by the colony’s outer doors. Tealy appeared to be in a zany mood fashion wise today for some reason. She was wearing a puffy lilac and pink stripy jacket over a knee-length pink pencil skirt that just skimmed the tops of her tall, high-heeled metallic pink boots. She wore shiny pink bangles and matching shiny pink hair bobbles. She looked a bit like someone’s Barbie doll with a made over head on.
We smiled hello and walked down to Mum and Dad’s, but the usual warm welcome was just not forthcoming there. Mum kept giving me tragic looks over her pot of simmering apples and dropping great big tears into the pot.
“I don’t understand you, our Bert,” she said more than once. “Surely we could have cleared this up somehow wivout goin’ to the council an’ tearin’ the family apart. The shame of it!”
In the end we left and started a round of visiting. We went to Mella’s and Tealy filled their table for them. We all had a riotous time there with Derry, Mella and the lings. After that we dawdled down the thoroughfare, not quite sure where to go. I suggested popping in on Kas and Kori, so we did and a very nice welcome they gave us.
Kori is a lovely one to talk to and she makes fantastic tea. Kas is as quiet as he always has been, but that day he just looked so happy and proud, it was great to see. WE were just about to leave when Kori said she was popping down to see Ikey and Vee. She was still worried about Vee’s youngling sickness and she was taking a bottle of Morningwell potion down there for her. We said we’d tag along, it was ages since I had seen them, although we had chatted online.
We wound our way right down to Vee’s cube and when we arrived we found it, much to our surprise, tight shut. The curtain was drawn and there was a heavy sheet of thick polythene hung over that and an old sheet of rusty corrugated metal pulled up in front of everything.
“What in elephant’s goin’ on?” said Kori. She called Vee and Ikey but there was no sound. I was not sure what to do but Tealy took matters into her own manicured hands. She stepped up to the rusty metal sheet and hammered on it lustily.
“I say!” she hollered in her cut crystal clipped tones. “I say! Is anyone in there?” Immediately the sheet moved and the plasti and curtain were whipped up at one corner. Ikey’s head appeared.
“Ush your Zlanny noise!” he hissed. “’oo the blue typhoon’s out there anyway?”
“It’s Kori. Let me in at once young Ikey me lad or I’ll call the guards I will! Don’t you know no better than to keep Vee shut in wiv no air like that?” said Kori stoutly.
The barriers were whisked away and Kori was pulled inside. WE followed, dropping the curtain behind us.
The cube was stifling hot. On a straw-filled sack in a corner lay Vee looking pale and sickly. In the swing bed lay a huddle of hunched blankets. Kori strode over and pulled them back revealing the battered and shivering form of Tommo.
Kori stared for a minute. Then she opened her medical bag which she carried everywhere.
“Ikey, darlin’” she said. “You got any Zair?”
“Neh.” Said Ikey glumly. “Poor old chicken’s been too sick to make any. WE used the last of the old stuff for the weddin’.”
“Run off to Tovey’s, that’s closest, an’ get a tot, a cupful if they can spare it.” Said Kori. “Tell ‘em Kori needs it for Vee an’ they shall ‘ave it back tomorrow from ‘er special barrel.”
Ikey ran off at speed. Kori pulled a bottle from her bag, poured a dose of thick purple syrup into a small cup and held it to Vee’s lips. Vee shuddered on drinking it, but immediately looked less green.
Kori took out a bag full of dried herbs, a bulbous stone jar and a small pestle and mortar.
“Bert, run an’ get me some water could you?” she said, wile sorting herbs and throwing leaves and stems into the mortar. “Tealy, can you find a small clean pan an’ a bigger pot for the water?”
I ran out at top speed and down to the pump with Ikey’s bucket. There was a queue but I jumped it shamelessly, telling the enraged line that the water was urgently needed for Kori the healer and they let me through, muttering rebelliously.
When I got back to ikey’s the cube was full of the smell of pungent herbs. Kori was scooping a thick gloop out of the jar and into the mortar. She used the wooden pestle to mix the herbs, which were now a fine powder, into the cream.
I put the bucket down and Kori immediately looked up from her work.
“Bert,” she said, “Fill that pot there an’ put it on to boil. Tealy, can you make ever-ice?”
“Um, sorry, darling,” Tealy looked abashed. “Never heard of it.”
Kori tutted in annoyance and handed the mortar to Tealy. “Mix that!” she ordered. Then she dipped the tip of her finger into the bucket of water and plucked up several droplets. She lightly blew on them as they dropped from her finger. On the instant they solidified into crystals which she dropped into the bucket. I thought the water would freeze solid but it did not.
“What is that, Kori? I asked.”
“Oh give me that water and ‘urry up!” was all the answer I got. I gave her the water. “It’s ice what won’t melt. I need that water to stay cold, see? Luke warm ain’t no good. Now for oak’s sake will you all ‘old your noise an’ ‘elp me. WE got to get this fever down. Where’s that young sprout wiv the Zair!”
That young sprout came back at that moment with a jug full of Zair. Kori snatched it and poured it into the small clean pan which was ready and waiting. She then added more herbs from her bag, stirred and tasted. She grimaced.
“WE need some honey. You got any, Vee?”
Vee shook her head sadly.
“Yark! Ain’t you got nothing? Name o’ swayin’ birches! I got to ‘ave some honey, we’ll never get this into ‘im.”
“Calm down, Kori,” Tealy fluttered her fingers. A jar of honey stood on the table. A pretty, human-looking jar the like of which most of us had never seen.
“What the elephant’s that?” Kori looked blank.
“Honey!” Tealy was looking exhausted. “How much do we need?”
In only a few more minutes everything was ready. Tommo’s wounds were bathed in the hot water infused with herbs. His chest and ribs were thoroughly massaged with the ointment Kori had made. The mulled Zair had been coaxed into him. Cool cloths, soaked in the ever-iced water and then wrung out, had been laid on his forehead.
Ikey and Vee, who was looking better, were helping Kori who was working like a beaver on Tommo. I glanced at my watch and frowned. It was getting late. I raised my eyebrows at Kori and gestured towards the door.
She told Ikey and Vee to go on with the work and followed me out.
“What’s going to happen?” I asked. “Are we going to get Tommo back to the guards when he is over the worst?”
“I dunno,” she said, “That ain’t my business. All I care about at the moment is makin’ sure ‘e don’t die on my patch. Not while I’m around to stop it. Off you go now, Bert. I got work to do, an’ for oak’s sake don’t say nothin’ to nobody, there’s trouble enough.”
Oh but I was glad to get out of the colony. Tealy and I were just about dead on our feet. I walked her back to the bushes and we said goodbye. I zapped back to the Lair just in time for Double, but I went through it like an automaton. Afterwards I was just going to go straight to bed, but L always knows when something is not right with me. Before I could do anything she gently took my hand and led me to the sofa.
Before I knew it, the day’s horrors were pouring out. Yes and something else was pouring out too, stars I wish I was not quite such a wimp! Well at least I had had enough control to hold it until I got back here. When I had dried my face and got my breath back, Brian did that thing where he squeezed my shoulder. Oh stars on the water! Something I am not going to like is about to be said. Brian is usually right about things and I am not, not going to want to hear this, I thought.
“Bert,” he began in his serious voice, “You do realize that your brother and your nephew have put you in an impossible position?”
“How come?” I asked.
“Well, if I have this right, Ikey is sheltering his father and escaped prisoner and he’s made you an accessory. At the moment your position with the council is very delicate. You are trying to get them to put your word above the word of a family head which is rare to unheard-of in lep law, as I understand it. The only reason they haven’t thrown Marni’s case out of court is A because Tealy says she has clinching evidence and B because you work in the human world and are in very good standing with both the law and the Handhold.”
“Yes,” I said a bit defensively, “But that won’t matter. Tealy’s evidence is what’s important here.”
“But Bert,” said L, “Suppose they decide to deny Tealy permission to testify at the hearing? What then? It all comes down to Barty’s word against yours and Andi’s. Andi is still a minor, she won’t count. Barty’s an advocate, a family head, an important lep. He has just been dragged up before the court though for a criminal offence, which damages his credibility some.”
“I still don’t see…” I began.
“You,” went on Brian, “Have a spotless record, over three years’ experience of work in the human world and now all this amazing work you are doing in your community to your credit. Think of it like a balance scale. At the moment, the balance is ever so slightly in your favour.”
“But if they find out about Tommo in Ikey’s cube,” said L, “And that you knew about it and did nothing and helped and worse, that Tealy helped…” She made a cutting her throat gesture.
“So I do what?” I flared, “Get Ikey, Vee, Kori and Tealy and myself into trouble? Get Tommo carted back to jail, you know I can’t stand him but I can’t do that either.”
I jumped off the sofa and went off to my closet, where I spent an absolutely wretched night indeed.
I awoke Monday morning in a filthy mood. For once, when the little scroll bounced on to my pillow I glared at its perky pink ribbon. I did not want to see it.
“Dear Uncle Bert,” I read.
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week.”
“Uncle what’s a tellyphing for? We had to watch humans again today and one of them picked up a tellyphing and spoke to it but it never answered back. No matter what she said to it, the thing never answered, it didn’t say a word, so why does humans talk to tellyphings? And what’s them other things they carries in their pockets. They plays a tune an then the human picks ‘em out of their pocket or bag wherever they is, in the train, in the bus, on the street, even in the cleansing place, they picks the thing up an starts yellin at it. I dunno it beats me it does. Stupid I calls it, it’s only a piece of glass with squiggles on!”
“May the sun shine yeah yeah all that stuff an’ a pink pelican fly out of your ear’ole.”
“Love always B.”
This would normally have sent me into a gale of merriment, but I had not one smile in me. I banged around the closet getting ready, I booted up Nia Netbook hopefully thinking that perhaps Tommo may have already been captured and the whole sorry mess taken out of my hands. No such good luck. I had a mail from Vee telling me in guarded terms that he was better and asking me to come to their cube for a meeting about what to do next. I was not going, I thought. Oh no. Enough was enough!
Monday was difficult for all of us. Brian was very busy, L and I both had things to do and I was in a foul temper, so it was not the best of days.
On Tuesday Brian went away, so L and I helped him get off in the morning, but instead of having my usual nice cosy day with L I moped in my closet, wishing I had never been born.
On Wednesday I was sitting at the breakfast table with L when my phone began to ring in my closet. I raced back in but it had stopped before I got to it. I saw, however, that it was Ikey’s number. I thought about just leaving it, but I decided I couldn’t do that.
Ikey answered straight away and he was in tears. Tough, strong little Ikey.
“Uncle Bert,” he said. “You was right about our Dad. Everyone was right. I called the guards. They took him away. I don’t know what’ll ‘appen now. Uncle Bert, if they arrests me will you an’ Miss Tealy promise to look after our Vee. She ain’t got nobody but us.”
“Hold on, Ike,” I said. “I’ll come if I can.”
L gave me permission to go straight away when she heard. She looked rather wistful as I raced around getting ready to leave. I think she would have come with me if she could.
When I arrived at Ikey’s, Kori was in attendance on Vee, who was lying in the swing bed looking awful. Her face was bruised and swollen and she was looking sick and frightened.
“What the Zbalane?” I croaked as I came in. “Ikey what in the name of holy hurricanes happened.”
You tend to forget how young Ikey is. He’s Marrilan sure and about to be a Dad, well in a few months’ time he will, but he is still only a boy. At that particular moment he was a young, frightened boy who had just had an awful experience, who had no mother, no father and who needed someone to hug him and tell him it would be ok. WE found a couple of chairs out of Kori’s light and he told me the story.
Tommo had been getting better by the day and as he got better he got more and more bad-tempered. Last night, Ikey had gone out foraging and, thinking his father was sleeping sound, had thought it safe to leave him alone with Vee till he returned. He had come back to find Vee beaten, bruised and bleeding and half-unconscious and his father drunk and practically incapable. Apparently he had demanded alcohol, preferably pottine but Zair if nothing else. Vee had explained there was none, so he had hit her until she had run out to borrow some from a neighbour. Ikey had waited until his father was deeply asleep and had then called the guards.
Vee was in a bad way. She had been very thoroughly knocked about and Ikey was terrified her younglings had been harmed. I have never in all my life felt so guilty or so helpless. If I had told the guards before this, none of this would ever have happened. But then, if I had, I could have been putting Barty’s family at risk. I keep going over and over it in my mind and I still have no answers.
I stayed for a while but Ikey and Vee really needed to be alone with Kori after a while. I told Ikey I would come back whenever he wanted me and left. Ikey had told the guards his Father had turned up that evening, demanding drink, so Kori, Tealy and I had been kept out of trouble, but I was terribly worried about what the guards might do to Ikey.
I will gloss over the rest of Wednesday except to say that Brian came home safely and all of yesterday, it was not much fun. Ikey has not heard anything, Vee is still terribly ill and we are all worried sick. Kori has been doing her best, but she is not sure about the twins and that is what we have to find out about before anything else.
This morning the family was still in complete uproar, surprise surprise and Kori says she will have to perform a certain kind of powerful charm on Vee to find out if the twins are ok. But before she can do it she needs to return to her woods to replenish, she says. Apparently this is a thing sprites need to do sometimes. Just to be in their home woods again makes them more powerful, gives them back their second sight if it has waned, just makes everything sharper. It is not like we lose our magic, not like in books, it is not like petrol that runs out, but for sprites, being in their own place is good for them.
Anyway, Kori is going back tonight to her home place, she will be back on Sunday to do the charm, she thinks Vee will be all right till then, but Ikey can always call her if they need her.
Today I feel slightly less awful. Whatever the past was, it is the past. It is no good at all wondering what I could have done differently, should have done, would have done, etc etc. I did what I did, that is, I dithered, let things happen, I will have to live with whatever comes of that I am afraid. There has not been much happening today except one little lep sitting at one little keyboard, writing for dear life. Now, at last, you are up to date!
Well, it is long past dinner time, Brian and L have eaten in my absence, I think L cooked. I will now go and see what I can find to eat, you had better believe I could eat an elephant between two mattresses! I do hope you have had a better couple of weeks than I have. Thanks for reading this incredibly long ramble. I will write again soon. Have I a smile in me? Oh, go on then, seeing as it is you.
September 30.
Hi everyone. Wow, I'm a couple of days late getting this out, sorry about that, but Friday we had visitors in the lair and I was too busy peeking and getting the place ship-shape to do any writing, so I have put off my usual Sunday visit to the colony so that I can catch you up on events. To be quite honest I'm glad to have a week off from everyone with the possible exception of Tealy. Families are wonderful things to have but sometimes a holiday from them is nice.
Ok, let's see, I have quite a bit of news, as usual. Saturday September 15 was its usual busy self. What with two shows to get out during that day and my usual housework I was running around so much my feet hardly touched the ground. Brian and L were just as busy and we were all very glad to relax at the end of the day, snuggle up on the sofa, listen to some nice music and have a glass of wine. It really is the best way to end a busy and successful day.
On Sunday morning I was up with the lark. I went through my usual morning routine and booted up Nia Netbook to see what was going on. Ikey was online and I asked him how Vee was. The bruising was getting better and she was feeling a little stronger, he told me, but they were still both very worried about the twins and could not wait to see Kori later in the day so they could find out once and for all if everything was ok. Ikey asked if Tealy and I were coming over. I had not planned on it, but Ikey looked so young and lost that I said of course we would.
Everyone else seemed to be chugging along all right. Both Lina and Lita are getting quite close to the end of their pregnancies now, so we will soon have new younglings to coo over. I have not seen much of Tovey online for ages, he is working very hard against the coming of the new youngling, Lina says he is trying to pile the cube to the ceiling with things they might need. Tovey is a brilliant forager, so I do not think that youngling is going to want for much.
When I had caught up with the news feeds I went to make breakfast for Brian and L. Brian was at his desk and L was cooing over Silly. I never usually listen to what L says to that doll, but something made me prick up my ears that morning. The word, “sister.” Now dolls cannot have sisters I know, so why was she talking to Silly about her new little sister, I wondered. L spent enough time with Silly, I thought, we did not need more dolls around the place. I pushed the disturbing thought away and got on with things, but I would have done well to ask about it.
Once I had everything tidy at the Lair I got ready for my Sunday visit home to the colony and was soon shivering in the chilly wind blowing through the scrubby bushes which we use to zap in. I had arrived before Tealy, but it was not long before she appeared in a warm blue puffer jacket over jeans, high-heeled pink ankle boots matching the pink silk scarf around her neck and the pink ribbons in her hair. She wore sparkly pink and silver bangles and a warm smile.
Dad was making Zair and Mum was baking bread, so the cube was warm and smelled absolutely wonderful. The tragic looks of last week had mostly been dropped and we got a warm welcome. It was great to sit in swinging chairs, sniffing the fantastic aromas of Autumn in a lep cube, sipping hot tea and eating Mum’s moist apple cake. I really didn’t want to leave, but we had things to do.
We turned up at Derry and Mella’s at around lunch time and were given a rapturous welcome there. Tealy got a huge hug from Mella which, when you think of how things used to be there, is truly amazing. Mind you, I think Tealy could win anyone over, she is such a fantastic little person! I thought Tealy looked extra and specially happy that day and she certainly seemed to be on form with her spell work. The table nearly collapsed under the weight of food when she fluttered her fingers over it. Among the many luscious things to appear was another huge violet roll.
We stayed for a couple of hours with Derry, Mella and the lings, we helped feed all those noisy, lovable little twisters, Mella and Tealy fussed over Derry, it was a great time. I really did not feel like leaving and heading down to Ikey’s, but we had promised, so Tealy and I said goodbye and walked down the thoroughfare arm in arm. About halfway to Ikey’s we met Kori on her way to the same place. She was looking amazingly well after her trip back to her own place. Her skin was radiant and her eyes sparkled and she seemed to almost be dancing on the air.
Everything was very quiet at Ikey’s. Vee lay in the swing bed without moving. Her face was much less swollen but she looked white and sickly. Kori looked grave when she saw her.
“The beautiful late rose had its petals crushed,” she said, touching Vee’s cheek tenderly, “But it’ll go on blooming just as lovely as ever for a long time to come, don’t you fret, an’ gladden hearts of everyone who sees it.”
I looked at Kori, startled at her words, but then I remembered what she had said to me at our first meeting. Sprites have the second sight. It visits them from time to time and can say very surprising things. I thought about what Kori had said. Vee really was like a late rose. I remembered old Bossy, sour-faced, always telling everyone what to do, just thoroughly obnoxious. I thought of her now, how much Ikey loved and needed her, of how much she had come to mean to all of us. But if our late rose lost her twins, what would that do to her? I said a quiet prayer to the hand.
“Come on then, flowers,” said Kori, “Let’s see what’s what. Not knowin’s the worst fing of all. We can deal wiv it better if we know. Vee, me darlin’ it’ll be ok. Come on, let Kori see.” Vee had begun to cry quietly and Ikey looked as if he was not far from joining her.
Kori leaned over the bed and pulled back the sheet covering Vee. Then she placed her hands over Vee’s stomach and just stood still, taking in long, deep breaths. I began to see whisps of blue vapour forming around her, but they were frail, insubstantial and they dissolved and blew away.
“It ain’t no good!” she said, straightening up and pushing her hair out of her eyes. “I ain’t done this before an’ it’s not workin’ even wiv the trip back to the woods. Usually more than one of us does it. I’m sorry, darlin’.” She looked thoroughly dejected. Tealy took off her jacket, revealing a soft pink sweater.
“Can’t we help?” she asked. “Bert and I aren’t sprites it’s true, but we have the hand in us too. Surely it’s worth a try.”
“It’s up to Vee really,” said Kori doubtfully. “This charm is sealed wiv trust. I’ve been lookin’ after Vee since we knew she was wiv young an’ she trusts me. What about it, Vee? Would you like Tealy an’ Bert to try an’ Elp us make the charm?”
Vee opened tear-swollen eyes and looked at us.
“Bert, I’d trust you with anything,” she said quietly “You got me in to see Ikey when he was in the lockholes. Tealy, you’ve done nothing but good to everyone you’ve met in this colony. I trust you completely. Please try to help me.”
“Right.” Kori became very businesslike. “Bert, Tealy, join ‘ands. Stand be’ind me. Now, put your free And on my shoulder or near it, just so we’re touching. That’s right. Now, watch how I breathe and try to breathe the same, an’ we’ll see. Fink of the twins, an’ Ikey an’ Vee.”
We stood there, breathing long, steady breaths and I thought hard how very much I loved Ikey and Vee and how much I wanted these younglings to be all right. The blue wisps of vapour began to form around us, only this time they stayed and did not dissolve, they got thicker with each breath we breathed, until a thick wall of blue mist surrounded us, getting thicker and thicker by the second.
For what seemed like an age we stood, concentrating on our breathing, thinking of Vee and Ikey and then suddenly an arc of soft blue light left Kori’s hands and went into Vee. As soon as the light touched her, the vapour dispersed and we all straightened up.
I do not know about anyone else, but I felt as if I had climbed mount Everest. I was so tired I collapsed into the nearest chair. Kori and Tealy did the same.
“Ok, flowers,” Kori said faintly. “Them two hasn’t been getting’ enough food or oxygen, which is why they been causin’ you so much trouble. That bashin’ you got didn’t do them no good neither, but, Vee, don’t cry darlin’. I managed to put it all right. The twins are goin’ to be fine. Your boy an’ girl are goin’ to be a pair of beautiful younglings, it’s all right, vee!”
Stars, those two were so happy after that. We all of us nearly got hugged to death! Vee will have to take things very easy for a while, but she is going to be fine, thank the stars, I am just so relieved. Ikey is like a dog with two tails, as the humans would say, smiling from ear to ear. He insisted on making us tea and Tealy did her fluttery fingers act and produced some lovely food for us, we were all starving and it gave us a chance to get something nourishing into Vee.
Moon above me! We were both totally exhausted by the time we got back to the colony entrance when it was time to leave. We agreed to meet up next week and I reminded Tealy to let me know straight away if she heard anything about the evidence thing. That was still grinding its way through the hands of the powers that be.
I got back just in time for Down for Double, but again I was not as helpful as I could have been during it. I was so glad to head for a soft pillow as soon as we were done. I urgently needed sleep!
On Monday morning I awoke to the usual little scroll on my pillow, tied in its usual perky pink ribbon. Ah, I thought and what has Babsy been up to this week?
“Dear Uncle Bert.”
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a bad report this week.”
“Uncle Bert, is that fair? I mean, what’s the point in putting all them clothes in this big metal box thing with a glass eye in front an waiting an hour for them to whizz round an round and then more hours for them to dry, when we could just help them get clean? So me an Kryss helping hands them much cleaner than that stinky liquid stuff could ever gets them an then Madam zlenky Mauraine gives us the wiggin of our lives an a huge black mark an a bad report! I mean what a rotten zlenky swiz I asks ya!”
“May the sun shine on you, turn your nose read an your feet purple an’ the helping hand make all your clothes go magenta an puce! Madam Breat taught us them colours but I never seen them, they sounds awful!”
“Love Babsy.”
Oh my word! My word! It took me a while to stop giggling about that one. I just thank the stars that Babsy chose me for her mentor, I so love these Monday morning missives, they’re brilliant. I wrote back to her and when the scroll had disappeared I got on with the day. I had a lovely Email from Vee, thanking Tealy and I for our help yesterday. Bless her heart, she is always so nice, I would go out of my way to help her any time. Nothing much was happening on Facebook, thank the stars for that, I thought, I can do without more uproars.
I spent a busy day, doing work for Brian who was very busy himself. There seemed to be a lot of suppressed excitement about, I was not sure why, but thought I would learn in time.
Tuesday was, if anything, even busier. Brian was franticly busy at work and in the evening we had a big project launch on Team-Fm. In the morning, L took that infuriating Silly and went out. All day! Now I ask you, was that nice? To leave us both completely snowed under with work and just go swanning off out? But there, who can fathom ladies and Elles in particular! She managed to arrive back about an hour before she and Brian were due to go on air. Honestly, talk about cutting it fine!
Well, the project launch was very successful and we all celebrated afterwards and relaxed in our usual cosy way. And that was another busy day over.
Wednesday was Brian’s birthday, so L and I spent the day making a fuss of him. L had bought him some nice presents and even though he had a very busy work day, we tried hard in the evening to make it a lovely day. I cooked a nice dinner and we had some wine, we watched one of the films Brian had been given for his birthday, it was a really lovely day.
On Thursday morning, when I booted up Nia Netbook, I was met with some good news. Ikey wrote to say that Vee was very much better. She was still taking things very easy as she had been instructed, but she was definitely feeling less ill. He asked if I would come down and have tea on Sunday and I said that I would be delighted. It is really amazing how far that young rip has come in these few months. I also had an Email from Tealy asking if we could have dinner the next evening. I said there should not be a problem and that I would ask.
I went in to make breakfast for Brian and l and asked about going to the Elfhold and was at once given permission as it was Brian’s day off and I should not be needed in the evening. I hurried to write back to Tealy as soon as I had breakfast cleared away.
Thursday was another quiet but busy one. L went out to visit her Grandma in the afternoon, but otherwise it was business as usual. I cooked a nice dinner and in the evening we all relaxed in our usual nice way.
I awoke on Friday morning, went through my usual morning routine, thinking that I was glad things had been so quiet with the family all week. I logged on to Facebook thinking there would not be anything new and found everyone in a complete uproar. Oh no, I thought, what on earth had happened now!
The trouble this time was Barty, surprise surprise! Apparently, on Thursday night he had eaten dinner with some business associates and their wives in one of their cubes, had rather too much Zair and decided that now was the time to confront his wife, even though he had been prohibited by the council from going anywhere near her. He had gone to the Handhold and demanded loudly and drunkenly to see his wife, his daughter or, failing that, the Handholder! He had made such an unholy racket that he had awoken most of the junior and novice Handers and frightened them out of their wits. Finally someone had called the guards and Barty had been slung into the lockholes overnight. He was to be brought before the council for breach of a prohibition order and the hand knew what they were going to do with him.
Mum was having a complete flock of birds, Dad was furious, everyone else was absolutely agog. I thought Barty must have taken leave of his senses, to be honest. His position in the colony used to mean everything to him. If he was given a prison sentence, nobody would ever want to employ him as advocate after that and then what would he do? Still, it was good news for Marni, the council would maybe be less likely to take what he said as gospel in future. Maybe. Oh, stars, I did not know, it was all such a mess. If only those idiotic elves would just move their tails! Tealy could clinch it and clear up the matter for good if they would only let her!
I went to get breakfast and while I made L’s pancakes and fried bacon and sausages I told Brian and L all about the latest developments. They were sympathetic but told me not to worry about it. There was really nothing I could do for the moment. At least Marni and the lings were safe and getting fed regularly. I agreed and thanked the hand for it.
Friday was a very busy day. Brian had bought a new computer and we spent a lot of the day getting it set up. I did have to make myself scarce at one point because L’s parents came over, but by the end of the day we had the new computer mostly how Brian wanted it. In the afternoon Brian was not feeling very well and L and I had to gang up on him and make him go and lie down. L did some recording for the radio station, which puzzled me. I did not understand why she was recording. She was talking as if the show was going out when Down for Double should be on, but did Brian and L not always do Down for Double on Sunday nights? Oh well, I did not have time to wonder about it. I was busy helping L find the music she wanted. Everything would sort itself out in time, I supposed.
At about five O’clock my phone chimed in that sweet eerie way which means only one thing, a pass into Tealy’s Elfhold. A few minutes later I got a text from Tealy to tell me where to go. Apparently we were eating at a restaurant called Chez Laurent. That sounded frighteningly smart, I thought. Better put on my classiest clothes.
By seven O’clock I was sitting in a floater, whizzing over the endless mosaic tiles of the Elfhold, looking down on hundreds of elves, strolling in and out of shops, bars and cafes. I knew that elves worked and worked hard, Tealy had told me so, but I had never seen any elf who did not seem to be involved in anything but having an outrageously good time. I wondered when and where they all worked to be able to afford this lifestyle.
Chez Laurent put me at my ease at once. I was expecting starched table cloths, massed ranks of cutlery and snooty waiters. What I got was a long, low room filled with polished tables and comfortable chairs, soft candlelight, gleaming crystal and silver, Smiling elves in short black frilled dresses and white aprons who always kept your glass full and never kept you waiting too long for the next course and there was Laurent himself, a huge, fat, friendly elf with the widest smile I have ever seen. He seemed to be everywhere, making sure everyone had everything they needed, talking to his customers, making sure everything ran smoothly.
Tealy was waiting for me at the long bar which ran across one corner of the room. She was looking amazing in black suede trousers and a multi-coloured chiffon top with long floaty sleeves. She wore sparkly multi-coloured bangles and matching hair bobbles and high-heeled black suede shoes which probably cost about a week’s wage. She gave me a dazzling smile and clicked her fingers at the over-worked bar tender. A Champagne cocktail in a silver flute appeared in front of me. I smiled back, touched my flute to hers. This was going to be a great evening.
Oh, the food at that place! Everything was just totally amazing! First came a crisp little pastry parcel, filled with poached salmon and creamy sorrel sauce. I could have eaten six of them, but Tealy just laughed and said there was plenty more to come! Next, a tiny cup filled with a roasted butternut squash soup flavoured with fresh thyme. Honestly, it was like eating velvet, what a taste, what a texture! Warm and creamy and just yum!
After that, a casserole of lamb so tender you could cut it with a fork. It was simmered with baby leeks, white wine and sprigs of tender mint. It came with a kind of crushed fried potato that was so good I had to have a second helping, even though by now I was getting full.
After that, a delicious little salad of baby green leaves, lightly dressed with olive oil and a touch of lemon freshened us up and got us ready for dessert. I have to admit I was a bit worried about this. I could not help remembering that huge heart-shaped confection back at Amoroso and wondered if Tealy’s love of the theatrical would get the better of her again, but it was all ok.
I think the dessert was the absolutely best thing of all. Delicate layers of dark chocolate were interwoven with white chocolate mousse and fresh raspberries. The whole thing was topped with swirls of fluffy whipped cream. It looked sensational and tasted even better.
This multi-course feast took a good while for us to get through and all the while Tealy and I sipped cool crystal glasses of ice cold white wine and chatted nineteen to the dozen. I really never wanted the evening to end but all too soon we were putting down empty coffee cups and rising to leave. Tealy gave me a hug as my floater gently descended in front of me and as I was taken back to the Elfhold exit I thought fondly of her. I am lucky to have her for my friend. Life is strange indeed! I really would never have guessed that we would be friends, not in a million years!
It was very late when I arrived home and everyone was asleep. I crept to my closet and went quietly to bed, remembering that tomorrow was Saturday and going to be busy.
And busy it was, although not in the way I could have expected. Brian told me he was not going to do the Music Machine, his radio show. I mean, what? I just could not believe it. Instead, he and I spent a lot of the day working on his new computer. L and I also worked on her show, which went ahead, but it did seem really odd not to have Brian’s show to get ready for. In the evening I began to notice some odd things going on. Brian began to get his MP3 recorder out and charge it and L packed some things into a hold all. I did wonder fleetingly what all this was in aid of, but I was trying to get some software to run properly and I did not have time to ask. I supposed I would find out at the proper time.
I did and how! I was not even properly awake the next morning when I found out! In fact, I was awoken by L’s alarm clock bleeping loudly! I wondered sleepily what in the blue typhoon was going on. I popped my head out of my closet to see, but Brian told me to go back to sleep for a while as he and L would need to use the bathroom first that day. Well really! As if I could sleep with those two crashing about like a pair of elephants. I booted up Nia Netbook and had a family catch up instead.
I learned that Barty had been hauled up in front of the council and had been let off with a warning for that time, but had been told that if he made any more trouble he would be dealt with less kindly. Consequently Barty was keeping a very low profile. I had a chat to Ikey who was online and said I was looking forward to seeing him later on. I also had a chat with Mella and Mum and basically caught up on the gossip, everyone seemed to be doing all right for the moment.
Finally I was able to get a shower, get dressed and head into the den. Brian and L were dressed and getting ready to go out. I learned to my utter astonishment that they were going to a place called Birmingham for the day, to a Doll exhibition, where L was hoping to buy another baby doll. Oh no, I thought. No no no! I did not say this, however. I smiled and said I hoped they would have a nice time.
“Of course, you do realize,” said Brian. Oh, stars, what? I thought. “You do realize that you need to stay here today until we come back.”
I just gaped at him. I was expected at Mum and Dad’s, at Mella’s and Vee and Ikey were expecting me to go there for tea. Now all that was going by the board and I was going to have to kick my heels here all day on my own?
“But Brian,” I said, “It’s my day for going home, they’re expecting me. Mella’s expecting us to come and put food on the table and Ikey has invited us to tea.”
“I’m sorry, Bert,” Brian’s voice was kind but serious. “Your work here comes first, you know that. You need to stay here and look after things until we come back.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but I could see it was no use. L turned from folding a baby shawl.
“Tell you what, sweetie,” she said, “why don’t you ask Tealy to go to Mella’s and then come back here and keep you company? I don’t think we’d mind that. Depending on what time we get back, you might still be able to pop off to have tea with Ikey. We shouldn’t be too late.”
This idea cheered me up, so I went back to my closet, made a couple of calls and soon it was all settled. Brian and L left at about seven-thirty and for a few hours I was at a very loose end, so I did what I usually do in such circumstances, I gave the Lair a really good clean from top to bottom.
Tealy arrived at about twelve. It was raining outside and drops of water sparkled on her silvery grey raincoat. Under it she wore jeans, a pretty white sweater and trainers with turquoise hearts on them. She had matching turquoise hearts in her hair and on her bangles. She looked exhausted and said the lings at Mella’s had nearly hugged her flat. She had made fresh FeedMe for them and was tired to death.
I sat her down in the den and made lunch for us. We had a lovely cosy couple of hours. When I had cleared away lunch we went to my closet, sat on the sofa and listened to music and chatted. I could not help thinking it was a lovely change and a very nice way to spend a Sunday.
Suddenly we heard a key in the door and there were Brian and L. I peeked out of the closet door to see if the completely unwanted had happened and yes, there was a bundle in L’s arms, wrapped in a pink shawl. Zlendt, I thought. Just what I did not need. Oh well.
It was about a quarter past four by this time and once Brian and L had taken their coats off they called us into the den. They said hi to Tealy and were very nice to her. L was fussing over the new arrival, I did not want to look at it! When they had finished talking to Tealy they said we could go to the colony if we wanted to. Down for Double was not happening this week, Brian said, so I could stay a bit later if I liked. Tealy excused herself from going back to the colony, saying she had done what she needed to and had work the next day. I walked back to the closet with her to say goodbye. We arranged to meet again in the week if we could and on Sunday if not. Then she left and I zapped off to the colony.
I had a lovely few hours there. I went first to Ikey’s place and had a very nice tea with him and Vee. Vee seems to be very much better, her cooking has certainly come back up to scratch. We sat around a loaded table, eating and talking about the week and the family and they asked me about how my work was going. I told them as much as I was able to without giving anything too personal away. It was just a lovely time.
After that I popped in on Mella and Derry, but I had to be fairly quiet as most of the lings were asleep. Derry is looking a little bit better every time I go there and Mella is back to her old easy self now. She gave me a huge hug and kiss and I stayed to have a cup of tea there. After that I went to Mum and Dad’s. Dad’s back is playing him up again and he was gruffer even than usual, but Mum wanted to talk the week over in great detail, so Dad opened some Zair, a new brewing and very potent and it was after ten before I got back, I really was a bit tipsy. I went straight to bed when I got in, I really was tired!
Monday morning brought its regular little scroll tied in pink. I reached for it eagerly, hoping that Babsy had got a good report this week.
“Dear Uncle Bert.”
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week.”
“Uncle, guess what? Leanna got a black mark cos she threw one of them black glass things with squiggles on at Loriella an it broke all to bits. Proff Dolish said they costs hundreds of Euro. What’s that mean, uncle? You can’t buy glass for however many grain you has, you got to find it, but this glass is special I knows, it got squiggles on it an it lights up and makes noises an all sorts. I don’t get it yet but Old Dolish says we will in time. Anyway we doesn’t have it now cos Leanna bruk it all to bits. She’s such a Zlank! Everything’s ok with me, lessons is great, got two stars this week and everything.”
“May the sun shine on you always and the helping hand preserve you from harm they says I got to write it or they’ll give me a mark the rotten zgerlers.”
“Your affectionate niece.”
“Barbriella Nilena.”
Well well! I might have done some awful things during my time at Shana-Sherin but at least I never broke an IPhone! Shimmering stars! I wrote back to Babsy and got on with the day. There was little news from the family. Apparently Tovey and Lina had caused a mild rumpus by having a noisy row which the neighbours had heard and of course reported here and there. You cannot keep anything private in a colony. Tovey wants Lina to stop spending so much time with Laralita now that she is so close to her time, but those two are thick as thieves, as humans say, so I do not think he will have much success there. Lita has come to completely rely on Lina anyway as Mart is usually nowhere to be seen, he lives to work and anyway they are up to their eyes in debt to the healers. What a mess!
Once I was caught up I headed in to get breakfast. The day turned out to be a busy one for me as L had a bad Migraine plus arthritis, so Brian and I took it in turns to look after her as well as do our usual work.
About mid-afternoon, I was hurrying across the room past L’s desk, en route to the sofa to see if she needed anything. I was not looking where I walked, tripped over the end of the new arrival’s baby chair and fell on to it face first! Would you believe it! For a moment I did not move, I had quite knocked the breath out of myself, plus my nose had come into contact with a little foot and although the foot was quite soft, my nose was feeling a bit squashed.
Eventually I lifted my abused head and looked accusingly at the occupant of the chair. I opened my mouth to unleash a string of choice lep swear words at the inanimate thing that takes up too zlendt much of L’s time these days – and stopped. Well for a start it was sleeping and for another thing you could not be angry at such a sweet pretty faced little thing and well do not ask me to say I like the new one because you will never get me to admit it but anyway, Leah is all right. Not as bad as Silly.
On Tuesday L was still not well and Brian was still franticly busy at work. I looked after them both, did my own work and tried to stop myself from looking at that zlendt thing in the chair every time I went down that end of the room. I thought I was going soft or losing my marbles or something.
Wednesday L was worse, she stayed in bed for a lot of the day. Brian and I are always worried to bits when that happens. It was another mad busy day composed of work, scented tea and pain medication. Brian and I got everything done though and by the end of it L was feeling a little better too.
On Thursday I woke up to news. Tealy’s application for permission to give evidence before a lep court is going to be considered sometime this week, she has heard, so with any luck things can start moving in Marni’s case soon. I was cautiously relieved and wrote her back saying I hoped for the right outcome. I had a potter about on Facebook and had a chat to this and that one, Vee is still doing ok, Aprilina is getting very uncomfortable but she is doing fine. Mum says Dad’s back is bad again and he will have to stay indoors for a day or two. That will please him, not!
I headed for the den and found L up and feeling better. WE had breakfast and got to work. Later, in the afternoon, L got herself and Leah ready and went off to see her Grandma. She came back with the usual cakes and chocolate and nice things which her Gran sends. We finished our work and had a lovely cosy evening.
Friday should have been my journal day, but instead I was busy getting the Lair more than usually ship shape because L’s parents, brother and sister were coming over to visit. We also had a project we were working on for the weekend, so as soon as I was all finished with the housework I helped Brian and L with some work for that. When the visitors arrived I went to my closet but I could not resist peeking. I have said it before but I do like the look of L’s family and I would love to just pop out of my closet sometime and surprise them all, oh would I ever!
Saturday was its usual busy self. In fact it was busier than usual because we had so many things to do and to get ready before today’s Down for Double. The two shows went off really well and afterwards we were all tired but happy. I love these busy show days, I really do!
And so here we are at last, it’s Sunday. I sent an Email to the family this morning to let them know I’d be down if I could and I also let Tealy know I had to stay at home and write this and asked her to go down to Mella’s and do the food if I was late, but I reckon if I get my skates on I can have a few hours at home before double. I’ll go and give her a ring now and see if she can just sling a coat on and meet me at the colony.
Thanks so much, as ever, for reading my ramble. I do hope you have had a good couple of weeks. I will write again very soon. Must dash, time, tide and Down for Double wait for no lep! Big smiles!