July 2012

July 8

Hi, Everyone!

Yes, I know I know, you all thought I was gone for good and now I've turned up again, I'm so sorry! Giggling here. I really have tried to find the time to write before this, but in between my audio production work and other things I have needed to do, I have been really busy, so today is my first free day. I really ought to be in London, but I have elected to stay in Wales today and get this done. If I get it finished before bed time I will pop home later.

My stars, where do we start? We have to go back a fortnight, so we might have to do broad strokes rather than a day by day account, you know I will fill you in the best I can. Let's see. I last wrote at the beginning of the last week in June and I was not happy on two counts. A because I had been grounded because we were going to be very busy leading up to the launch of Team-Fm and B because L had a new app on her phone which she could not leave alone.

Well, that week was as manic as I had thought it was going to be, only more so! Brian, L and I were working at full stretch to make sure everything was ready. We did masses and masses of work. It was exhausting, but really great fun too, what you might call team work at its best. We know each other so well, you see, we know what each other can do and what our strengths and weaknesses are, so we can divide up jobs to get things done quickly and efficiently. When something was not going as it should we would break and I would make a drink, we would put our heads together and try to think how we could do it differently and when one of us had a good idea that worked, it was such a great feeling.

My family were complaining all week, because I hardly looked at my Facebook, I did not have time to answer mails, I became a regular hermit! It all paid off though. The launch went to plan, people like the station, so I am happy.

I awoke absolutely wrung out on the second of July to find my usual little scroll tied up in pink from Shana-Sherin. I reached for it eagerly.

"Dear Uncle Bert."

"I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a bad report this week."

"well I'm ok and me lessons is going fine but that Leanna makes me so mad she said me mashed taters was lumpy well they was when I squished them in her pimply face ooh my she did look funny an I give her the carrots for afters but I did get in trouble. Madam Moraine says I'm a minx, what's that? I decided I doesn't like history them humans is barmy all they ever does is fight one another. Thanks for telling me how to empty that sucking machine bag right, Madam Breat was that pleased with me this week."

"May the sun shine on you always you know the rest blah doodle doo not writing it love you Uncle. kiss kiss from Babsy."

Well, that got my Monday started with its usual giggle. I wrote back to Babsy and got on with my morning routine. Once I was dressed I booted up Nia Netbook to see what was going on. I had a lovely mail from Andi and Gordy. They said that while they would really miss the lovely house and especially the garden, it was now time they went back to London and took their place in the colony. They wanted to know when I could come up and get the keys from them and lock everything up securely. I also had a very nice Email from Tealy, wondering how I was and asking if I'd like to come to dinner on Wednesday night. I logged on to Facebook to see what was going on. Ikey was online and I said hi to him, asked how he was doing and sent my love to Vee. He told me they were getting married quietly on Saturday. He said they were only asking a few to attend, out of respect to little Danic, but that he and Vee both really wanted me to be there. I was touched, I can tell you. Before this crisis with Ikey in the lockholes, I really hardly knew him at all. I said I would be there if I possibly could. Everyone else seems to be chugging along ok. Mella and Derry and the lings are ok, Mella is getting stronger all the time, for which I am very thankful. Lina is feeling a lot better these days, her pregnancy is not making her feel so sick now and Tovey cannot wait for the new youngling. Auntie Kitty is ready to pop any day now, Uncle Arf is as pleased as any first time father! Honestly, he amazes us all!

Well, once I had thoroughly caught up, I went into the den and got breakfast. Brian and L listened to my news and gave me permission both to go to dinner with Tealy on Wednesday evening and to go to Ikey's wedding on Saturday. They are so good to me. I told Brian about Andi and Gordy leaving the Merseyside tomb and he asked when they wanted to leave. I did not really know the answer to that one, so called Andi to find out. She asked if tomorrow would be all right. Brian said that would be fine, so I arranged with her that I would be along to help her pack up and lock up and then I would go to London and make sure they were settled in their new place. I did not trust Barty not to make trouble for them. I wanted to be around when they arrived, just in case.

The rest of that day was fairly uneventful. I had audio production to do and I also needed to take care of L who was not well. I cooked a nice dinner for Brian and I, got some soup into L and then was able to shoot off to Mella's for an hour. To be honest, she is getting to the point where she does not need me anymore, but five lings is five lings and an extra hand with them does not come amiss at bath and bed time. Milly was all right that night, but Jemmy, the third youngest, was a complete monster and I got back totally exhausted. L was already in bed, so Brian and I had a glass of wine and then I hit my pillow hard!

The next morning I was up at six as usual, went through my normal morning routine and logged on to Facebook to find the family buzzing. Oh stars, I thought, now what? I have to say, I was pretty jaw-slapped when I found out. It was Kas, my quietest, most unassuming brother. I have never written about him before because there is never anything to write. No one ever notices Kas. He is quiet, shy, hardly ever says more than two words. When we were all lings the noisy ones like Barty and Tommo would ride him rough shod! I got on ok with him, but we were never completely close, because he did not like books, he did not like anything much, he did his chores, learned his lessons when he had to, he did not seem interested in anything. When school ended we were all amazed when he became a watcher. He did not excel at his career, but he did not do badly either. Years went by and Kas just plodded on, living alone in his own small cube, doing his job and bothering nobody. And now he has hit the big time all right. Everyone in the colony is going to be talking about him, because he has just married a sprite.

I should explain, before I go any further. Of course you know if you have been reading this for any length of time that, according to the Lep Code, any kind of intimate relationship between magical creatures and humans is strictly forbidden. This is not the case between a lep and a magical creature of a different species. Interspecies marriage is very much discouraged, but it is not against the code. All the same, Kas has made sure his life is going to be next to impossible from now on. If you go back a century in human terms and maybe think of interracial marriage in the US, that is the kind of thing he will have to face from leps in the colony, from those he works with, from stars know who. And of course, it is not only Kas who is going to suffer, but the Sprite and their children. All the same, for every bit of prejudice they come across, there will be those who love and support them, our family will make Zlendt sure of that once they get over the shock! For me, I'm glad Kas has found someone to make him happy. He must really love her a lot, he is not stupid, not by a long shot and he knows what will happen, but he obviously wanted to marry her anyway, so I got straight on Facebook, congratulated him and told him I was looking forward to meeting his wife. I also had a talk to Mum and Dad, who were a bit unsure about the whole thing and I think I brought them around to seeing it my way.

Well, that got my Tuesday off to an eventful start. I went and got breakfast for us. L was still not well, Brian and I were getting worried about her. Once I had everything at the Lair squared away I left for the Merseyside Tomb. I took my Dad's old backpack up with me, in case Andi and Gordy needed something extra to put their stuff in and it was a good job I did take it!

Stars, that house did feel different with no smells of cooking wafting out of the kitchen. The garden was rain washed, impressively tidy and empty. There were two huge packs piled in the hall and a pile of stuff beside them. Andi came down the stairs and gave the things a helpless look.

"We don't know what we're going to do, we got more stuff than we come with, Uncle Bert," she said. "Everyone's been so good to us."

"It's ok, Zaea," I said and showed her my huge old backpack. Dear sweet thing as she is, she gave me such a hug! We went to work, packing up things for her new cube into my Dad's old pack, but it was full to bursting and there was still loads of stuff over. I was just thinking I would have to go home and get my new backpack as well, when the doorbell rang.

Now this was not good, I was not expecting anyone, so I did a quick hover up to the peep hole to see who it was. I looked down, but couldn't see a soul. Then I suddenly got a glimpse of a big ear dodging out of sight and opened the door fast. In darted a rather damp Tealy, raindrops sparkling on her fluffy blonde head, wearing a dashing raincoat in a softly gleaming silvery grey.

"Silver Sand! I thought I was going to drown out there!" she said, shaking her big ears and sending a cascade of drops on to the floor. "I thought you might need an extra pair of hands, oh and I brought this."

She held out a very chic, small, shiny pink overnight bag. We looked wordlessly from it to the piles of things still needing to be packed. It looked as if it was going to be about as much help as a toothpick in an avalanche! Tealy saw my dry look and giggled impishly.

"Never judge things by their appearance, darling." she said. I tried not to wince, but I supposed I would just have to get used to it, it's just how she talks.

Tealy opened the designer hand luggage on the floor, bent down, seized a huge lumpy bag of preserved food and stuffed it inside. It looked as if it would fit like a size twelve foot fits a size three shoe, but the bag had only just touched the inside of the case when it disappeared, leaving the case as empty as it had formerly been. Ignoring our polaxed expressions, Tealy continued to pick up Andi's possessions, pop them into her overnight bag, which then swallowed them whole. In a very short time there was nothing at all left. Tealy shut her case, snapped its locks and hefted it easily.

"Right, angels," she said breezily. "Are we ready to rock and roll?"

Gordy appeared at that moment, carrying a pile of tools and looking miserable. He locked the back door, handed me the house keys, took up a pack and headed for the front door. Andi and I took packs and we followed him. As we headed out andi burst into tears and Gordy looked like joining her.

On the front step I pulled the door shut, locked it securely, then we all joined hands. Andi and Gordy took one last look at their first home, then we all zapped to London.

It was raining even harder as we arrived in the patch of scrubby bushes outside our colony. we dashed up to the doors and were waved through, although Tealy got an odd look from the guards. It certainly was good to get back into the dry, if not the warm. The colony felt cold and bleak. We walked in silence down to the cube which Mr. Garus had arranged for Gordy to live in. It was not over large, but enough for the two of them. It was made mostly of stout boards and had a good thick curtain of heavy canvas, I was pleased to see. There was a little stove and a stack of wood had been foraged and set ready. We were all shivering, so Andi and I got the stove lit, Gordy went for water and Tealy began the unpacking.

It took us most of the day to get the cube set to rights. The four of us worked like beavers. I have to say, Tealy soon shed her coat and pitched in with the best of them, I was amazed and rather proud of her. Under the coat she wore sensible jeans and a plain white tee-shirt, which did not stay white for too long, as there was any amount of dust and grime in that cube and we were all cleaning and polishing before we could do too much unpacking.

It must have been getting on for eight when I had things at the stage where I felt I could leave for the Lair. Andi and Gordy were still working and Tealy said she would stay a bit longer. I found out she had taken the day off work to help out. Just wow! Before I left, she walked with me down to the outer doors of the colony. She said she would send my pass to my phone tomorrow. She told me we were eating in a restaurant tomorrow, because she was working all day, but she promised it was not like Amoroso and she thought I would enjoy it. We both of us could not help giggling when we remembered my face when I saw that stack of heart-shaped pancakes.

Oh how nice it was to get back to the warm, cosy, comfortable Lair! I snuggled on the sofa with my usual little glass of wine and told all about the day's happenings. L said that it was very kind of Tealy to take time off from work to help my family and that I would have to watch out, because Tealy definitely still had her eye on me. I told her not to be silly. She said it stood out a mile, but I think she is absolutely off the beam on this one. I have told Tealy it is no good and she has been very sensible since. Can we not just be friends without people saying things about us? I have to say I am rather annoyed with L for thinking such a thing. Of course, I like Tealy, who would not, she is a nice elf and very pretty, but that is all it is.

I went to bed in something of a sulk. Woke up the next morning and logged on to Facebook to find the family still in an uproar about Kas. Most of them are fine about it, of course, Barty says he has disgraced his lep heritage and brought shame on the family name, blah blah blah, stars, he really is an overweening pompous windbag!

Kas is in Wiltshire for a few days, he is spending time in woods up there with Korielle's family, that is her name apparently and a very pretty one. Then they are coming back to his cube. I do not know how on earth Korielle is going to manage in the colony! Sprites are woodland creatures, or they live on farmland or in green places. How she will manage in a completely plantless treeless place is more than I can fathom.

I had an Email from Andi saying that the cube was still topsy-turvy and could I come over and help, as they could still do with a hand getting it straight. I told her I was sure I could and went into the den to ask Brian and L. To my astonishment and annoyance they told me I had to stay here as I was needed. I had to tell Andi I could not come today, but would try for tomorrow. I went back into the den in a complete mard, as L calls it, but I had no right to be, I am Brian's lep, my work is here. If he wanted, he could keep me here full time and I could never go and do my own things at all. Sometimes I think I am not a very nice lep, I will have to try to behave better when I do not get my own way.

Well, I nerdled about for the morning, did some desultory work that came up, nothing major, L was not quite right but she was up. I really did not see why I had been asked to stay at home, I did not seem to be needed all that much. In the afternoon, however, all became clear.

At about two O'clock there was a ring at the doorbell. I was about to make myself scarce, as I usually do, but L told me to stay where I was. This was unusual enough to make my jaw drop. Was I going to do the cute toddler thing or what? Brian went to the door and a tall, thin man who looked vaguely familiar to me came in.

"Bert," said Brian, "This is Scott, he did the picture for your birthday and now he's going to draw you in your closet, if that's ok with you."

I do not know which one of us was the most tongue-tied at first. I felt terribly shy and I think he did too, but we soon got chatting and I took him into my closet and showed it off to him. He really liked it and suggested I do what I normally do when I sit down to write in my closet, so he could draw me. So I grabbed my lovely comfy robe, threw it on, flopped down on the sofa with Nia Netbook in front of me on the low table and asked if that looked ok. He said it looked great and he told me to keep still while he drew the room and me in it.

It took a couple of hours, but he was pleased with the finished sketch and so was I. When it is painted in water colours and photographed, it will be used to illustrate my Journal home page.

By the time Scott left it was gone four and I was getting a bit anxious, as there had been no chime on my phone with my pass into the Elfhold. But it came soon afterwards. It was the Knightsbridge tube station entrance. I got a text straight afterward from Tealy. She said a floater would be waiting at seven and I was to tell it to take me to TeeGee's.

I found the hours dragging a little bit between five and seven, I have to say. Finally I was able to get myself smartened up and I zapped off to Knightsbridge. Getting into the Elfhold was its usual stomach churning horrible self and as soon as my feet touched the polished mosaic the little red floater came drifting up to me. I climbed in, gave the address and we were off.

TeeGee's was really not what I had been expecting. After the complete mortification of Amoroso I had thought while it would not be like that, it probably would be very fancy indeed and would probably make me feel uncomfortable. I was pleasantly surprised therefore, when we drifted down in front of a simple white doorway, softly draped in shimmery blue curtains.

Inside was a softly lit airy space, white walls hung with beautiful seascapes here and there, polished tables and comfortable chairs upholstered in soft blue. A smiling waitress, dressed in a uniform of the same soft sea blue, came towards me and guided me to a table, where sat Tealy.

As I came across the room our eyes met and she smiled at me when she saw I liked the place. She was looking very nice in a neat turquoise blue dress that exactly matched her eyes. She wore pretty diamante flowers in her hair that caught the light whenever she moved her head and silver bangles which tinkled when she moved her hands. I have to say she really does know how to make the best of herself.

I felt a touch shy as I sat down opposite her, but I soon forgot about it and we began to talk. A waitress brought lovely cold white wine and Tealy handed me a menu. To my pleasure it was not one of those huge padded things that seem to go on forever and ever, but a simple card with not too many choices.

"This place is famous for having everything fresh," she told me. "Only the very best fish, cooked to order. I do hope you like the food here."

As I looked at the menu my mouth watered. I love fish and do not get to eat it very often. We both took a long time choosing.

That was such a wonderful dinner! Tealy started with oysters and I tried not to shiver too much as she swallowed them whole! I had some species of tiny fish, about the size of a very thin human French fry, fried very crisp, served with a tangy dipping sauce and lemon. Stars they were good. My plate was heaped with them, but I ate the lot!

After that we both had the same, wild salmon, fat, juicy and succulent, on a creamy sorrel sauce, its lovely slightly lemony taste perfect with the fish. With it we had baby buttery new potatoes and spinach.

I had been rather dreading the dessert, I did not altogether trust Tealy's flare for the dramatic not to get the better of her and when the waitress put out our candle, plunging our table into semi-darkness, my heart sank. And then I saw a kind of soft glow and two waitresses came towards our table. One of them deposited a platter of beautifully arranged chunks of fruit and cubes of cake between us and the other pulled up a little trolley, on which rested a working chocolate fountain, softly illuminated around its edges, with thin, molten chocolate spiraling up a tower and then pouring down again over crenellated edges into a well. I looked at the pouring stream of warm, molten chocolate, at the strawberries, grapes, apricot halves, peach chunks, pineapple cubes, pieces of soft moist fruit cake and my mouth watered! Tealy smiled softly at me across the table and wordlessly held out a long-handled dipping fork. Then she took a fork herself, skewered a piece of peach, dipped it in chocolate and popped it into her mouth.

"Oh wow, Tealy!" was about all I could get out, before my greed got the better of me. Before long we were both very chocolaty, very full and very happy indeed.

Brian and L were still up when I got back and I told them all about my evening. L in particular was green with envy at the sound of my dinner, especially would she have liked Tealy's oysters and they both loved the sound of the chocolate fountain. L gave me a knowing kind of look and this made me a bit annoyed, so I asked her what she was smirking at.

"Well, that is the third time Tealy has given you a nice posh dinner. She must really think a lot of you, Bert." L said.

I just laughed it off then, although I was cross at this silly girlfriend talk, I do wish L would drop it! But she made me think. It is true, Tealy has taken me out three times, twice to restaurants and once she cooked for me. Even in Elfholds that cannot be right. I mean, we are not dating, but all the same. But where could I take her, for stars' sake. For laurel pie at Mum's? Um, no, I do not think so. We leps have enough trouble finding food for ourselves, we do not ever cook and sell it to others. Restaurants are unknown to us. As for cooking for her, yes, I could do that if I had my own place, but I do not, I live here at the Lair. Hmmm. I thought about it as I lay in bed and still had no answer as I dropped off to sleep.

On Thursday I was busy looking after L, who was unwell all day, she was too ill to go to her Grandma's and stayed in bed for most of the day. Brian also had work for me to do, so one way and another I was kept trotting to and fro and did not have too much time to think of my own affairs. It was not until the evening, when I was in my closet, catching up on Email, that I had time to puzzle once more over my thorny problem. I decided that I would not go out with Tealy again until I could return the favours she had done me. Fair was fair, after all.

The problem got even more thorny next morning when I got another Email from Tealy, saying as we had had such a good time at TeeGee's, would I come to another of her favourite places the following Wednesday? Stars, this threw me into something of a fluster! I wanted to see Tealy again, but I could not have her taking me to another restaurant and footing the bill again. no and no and just no! I decided not to answer her mail until I had talked to Brian and L. I ditched my Facebook in favour of going into the den early.

I did not know if L would be around, as she was still feeling rotten, but to my everlasting relief she was up. I made breakfast and once we all had food and coffee I asked if I could talk to them both about something, as I needed advice. L gave me such a knowing look I really did want to bop her on the nose, but she patted my place on the sofa straight after that and Brian said they would both help me in any way they could, so I forgot my sulks and told them the whole thing.

When I had finished, there was a silence, then Brian asked:

"Bert, is there any reason why you can't bring Tealy here and cook dinner for her? I mean, is it against any rules?"

I just gaped at him.

"No," I said, "If you give permission it's fine, but, Brian, where do we eat it?"

"Well, is that table not good enough?" he asked, smiling.

I was completely discombobulated all ends up!

"Let me try and get this straight," I managed. "Do you mean I am to bring her here to dinner with you and L?"

L burst into one of her giggles.

"Um, wrong!" she said. "There's not much romance in that!"

I was about to protest about not needing any romance, but thought I had better shut up and let her finish.

"WE mean you can bring her here and cook a nice dinner for you and her. We'll get take out that night and let you have the den to yourselves for a couple of hours. If she likes, she could do some more work on your closet so that there's a place for you to eat in there in future weeks. But you two eat in the den for this once."

I just gaped at the two of them, absolutely amazed. Brian and L have always been really good to me, but to give up their main sitting room so that I can entertain my friend?

"I don't get it." I whispered. "You don't have to do this."

Brian did that thing where he just touched my shoulder. "Look, Bert." He gave me a very serious look. "You got sent to me straight from Shana-Sherin and you had no choice in the matter. It's not like your life is the same as ours. If you fancied a change of job, you couldn't just look for another one like we can, we know that, so we want your life and work here with us to be as easy and happy as we can make it. we've worked brilliantly together for three years. You ought to know by now that L and I care about you in lots of ways. If you're not happy and there's something we can do to help, then of course we will. AS for this latest thing, if I were in your position I'd feel much the same. Does that make it any clearer?"

I was absolutely unable to get out a single syllable, but I nodded.

"Now, about this dinner." L said, becoming very businesslike. "Do you have any ideas about what to cook? Will you let me help you plan it, or do you want to do it all on your own?"

Just wow! Well, that brought me out of my freeze, there was a huge group hug, I'm not ashamed to admit it, then I ran off to answer my Email. After that L and I and Brian too actually, got down to some serious poring over Google and recipe websites, this is all going to be planned, from cocktails to coffee and homemade truffles! I am buying every scrap of food and drink myself, no expense is being spared, boats are being pushed out with abandon! Just this once, you understand, it is a bit special.

Friday was a fairly quiet day. The family seemed to be having an ok day, everyone coming to terms with the news about Kas and Korielle. I was very surprised to find that Mella was being very sniffy about it. I would have expected better of my favourite sister. Still, I expect everyone has their weak spots and raw nerves. Goodness knows what she would say if she found out about well anyway there is nothing to find out.

L was still feeling awful all day Friday, we were all worried by this time, that stupid Migraine had lasted all week and she was feeling like nothing on earth. Still, when she was up she and I continued our trawl through recipe websites. I had almost settled on the strawberry Champagne flirt to start, before I got distracted by the blueberry mojito, which is so much like the colour of Tealy's eyes! Then I had nearly decided on the slow casseroled lamb with apricots for the main course, before I saw that amazingly dramatic salmon en croute, I know how much Tealy loves her fish and I never get to make real puff pastry here! Stars, decisions decisions! I have to say, L was not very much help, she just kept finding more and more gorgeous things to tempt me with, like those delicious beef fillets in Madeira sauce, or the fillets of sole and fat juicy prawns in a buttery hollandaise sauce wrapped in a parcel of thin, crisp filo pastry. By the time I got to bed that night my brain was reeling with lamb, beef, pork, chicken and fish, cocktails, starters, desserts and I was about ready to throw the computer out of the window and go into a monastery!

Luckily, yesterday was so mental that I did not have time to go near Google or a recipe website.

I got up at my usual time, showered and got into some smart clothes, as I had a special occasion to attend later that day. I got breakfast for Brian and L, made sure everything was tidy here, did all the work I could and then shot off to London. I was at the Handhold to see Ikey and Vee get married and although it was a small, quiet ceremony it was very beautiful. Ikey wore a plain dark suit which I think Vee made for him, Vee was in a simple white gown which looked slightly worn with age, but the happiness in her face made her look truly beautiful. After the happy pair had been bonded for life by the Hand, we walked back to Ikey's cube, which they will now live in together, where there was a simple meal laid for us. We stayed with them a while, ate with them and drank a cup of Zair to their future. Mum and Dad were there, Mig, Ikey's brothers and sisters and I. I had to leave before the end, as I had to get back, it was show day at home.

WE had two shows to get ready for. They both went off well, but I was very busy helping Brian and L. After we were finished L poured us all some wine and we spent the rest of the evening getting very happily relaxed and chilled out. Giggling here. You had better believe me when I tell you I was one very tired lep when I finally hit bed!

And so here we are at today! I never thought I would get here! I awoke, slightly achy in the cerebral department, at my usual time, went through my usual morning routine and booted up Nia Netbook to see what was what. Apparently Kas and Korielle are coming home tomorrow. That is going to be a bundle of laughs, I don't think! Half the family are kind of grudgingly ok about it, half are up in arms. I am going to see if Brian and L can spare me so that at least one person is unqualifiedly pleased to see them.

Once I had my book faced, mail read and a nice little note from Tealy answered, I got our breakfast and then went back to looking at recipes. Today I am going to try and get one course decided on. Dessert. This cannot be too hard, surely! I think I am going to settle on the raspberries in white wine jelly. Except that is not very dramatic. Maybe this iced passion fruit soufflé will be better. Or maybe something chocolate, Tealy loves chocolate! Yes, look, these chocolate-coated peaches! But stars, it is really hard to get ripe peaches and if they are not ripe I will not be able to get the stones out to put this stuffing inside before I put the chocolate coating on!

Oh Zlendt and Zlanny Zlarn harg! My brain will not work anymore! I am going to ask L to come and help me, we only have three more days, I must start shopping tomorrow! You had better all hope I do not die from the pressure, or there will be no more journal entries! Giggling.

I'm off to enlist L's help. Thanks as ever for reading my ramblings, I hope you have all had a nice couple of weeks and that you are doing well. Take care till I write again. Big smiles.

July 20.

Hi everyone! Well, here I is again and have I got a lot to tell you or what? You had better lay in a good supply of food and drink, this might be a long one, as what with one thing and another it has been quite a busy twelve days.

Let me see, I left off on Sunday the eighth, didn't I? After I had finished writing I did manage to shoot home for a quick visit. I found the whole family in a complete whirl, because Kas and Korielle were expected home on the following afternoon. I promised Mum and Dad that I would do my best to be there to help welcome and settle them into their cube. To tell the truth I could really have done without going to London, as I needed to concentrate on my forthcoming dinner party, but family is family, so I said I would do the best I could.

After I had finished at Mum and Dad's I went to see Mella and Derry and came as near to having a fight with my sister as I have ever come. She is being very nasty about this whole sprite thing. She says sprites are trashy and Kas should have known better than to marry one of them. I do not know where she gets that from. WE have never had much to do with sprites, for stars' sake! they can be a bit flighty and mischievous at times, but they are very clever, as I have always heard it and they are wonderful healers too. I told her it was stupid to judge Korielle without even giving her a chance. She said I had always been a soft touch. Stars that made me wild. I went home in a proper mard. I was really glad to get back to the Lair and have a nice cosy time on the sofa with Brian and L.

I woke up on Monday morning to my usual little scroll from Babsy. I always love getting these, so reached for it eagerly.

"Dear Uncle Bert."

"I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week."

"Guess what? I got a silver star in English and another for me bechymel however you spell it sauce! Mum and Dad are that pleased and Leanna and Sharielle are that mad. I was so pleased cos Madam Prim says me sauce was as smoother and creamy as yours used to be, fancy that! Madam Breat says I'm a neat little worker. I's getting to like it here after all, only I wish it could stop raining!"

"May the sun shine on you always and the helping hand preserve you from harm they say I got to put it all in and I think it's a rotten swiz."

"Your affectionate niece."

"Barbriella Nilena. xx."

"PS not sposed to put exes but tough I'm gonna anyway."

It took me ages to decipher that, the writing was so tiny, but when I did, I started the day with a very large smile. I do not know how Madam Prim knew that I was famed for making good Béchamel sauce, as old Professor Toffle ruled the kitchen in my time, but I was. Still am, actually. Anyway, enough of that.

I went through my usual morning routine and once I was dressed booted up Nia Netbook and logged on to Facebook to see what was going on. The family was still all twittering about Kas. I swear, they are all like dogs with bones. It was like Ikey and Vee, once they get hold of something they just cannot leave it alone until they have chewed every single morsel of gossip out of it! Talking of Ikey, he was on line that morning, so I had a chat to him. He and Vee were doing fine and he said they would be down in the afternoon to welcome the newly-weds. Auntie Kitty was online too, feeling extremely grumpy, getting very little sleep because she was so near her time. She told me she thought it was twins. Stars!

Once I had caught up I made breakfast for us all. Once we had eaten, I had to seriously buckle down to my recipe search. It was now crunch time. With only two days to go, I had to do the shopping for my upcoming dinner with Tealy.

I had definitely decided that the Strawberry Champagne Flirt was the cocktail to begin with. I had then decided to tempt Tealy's love of fish with a starter of smoked salmon parcels filled with prawns and a crème Fraiche and dill stuffing, served with a rocket salad.

The main course had given me real real trouble! I had finally decided on slow cooked cubes of lamb in a rich creamy white wine sauce flavoured with sprigs of fresh mint. I would serve it with a mustard mash, buttered baby leeks and a medley of spring vegetables.

For dessert, poached peaches, their stones removed, stuffed with buttery biscuits and slithered toasted almonds, then coated in a crisp shell of chocolate. After that, my best espresso and homemade truffles.

I was feeling very nervous as I wrote out a shopping list of all the things I would need. I had not cooked a dinner like this for many a long day and I fiercely hoped I would not mess it up. Once I had everything written down I logged on to L's favourite grocery website and started the shopping. It took me a long time to get everything I needed and when I saw the mounting total at the bottom of the page I could not help but wince, but I persevered until everything was in my trolley, except for one thing. The all important wine.

I had to ask for advice about that, not knowing much at all about human wine. Luckily, L was around and soon we had several bottles added to the trolley and I was checking out and wincing in good earnest! Stars, who knew food could be so expensive! Now all I had to do was hope that everything would be delivered properly, without the dreaded substitutions!

By this time it was after mid day, so I made us all a sandwich and a cup of tea. After that I had a quick wash and brush up, got into something a bit smarter and asked if I could be spared to go to the colony to welcome kas and Korielle. Luckily, Brian and L were not too busy, so they gave me permission at once.

I zapped off to the colony, which was looking far from welcoming, with rain pelting down on the roof of the warehouse and more leps than usual hanging around on the thoroughfare. I went down to Mum and Dad's. They told me that Kas was expected at about two. I groaned. That would give even more gawpers time to gather! Great!

For about an hour we sat around and waited, while other family members drifted in, dressed in their welcoming gear and looking uncomfortable. Ikey and Vee were there as promised andi and Gordy too, I was pleased to see. To my surprise, Mella and Derry were there, Mella looking as if she had swallowed a pound of sour gooseberries and Derry looking very annoyed. Minnimarni was there but not Barty. We said a few hellos, made small talk which stuttered into silence, shuffled our feet and felt awkward.

At about ten to two we all started walking down the thoroughfare towards the outer doors. It took ages to get through, the fare was heaving with gossipers and gawkers. We weren't in procession, so no one felt like letting us through and we had to do a fair bit of shoving. We got to the outer doors just on two and made our way out to the zapping bushes.

The first person who zapped into view in those scrubby bushes wasn't anything to do with us, it was a scrawny old lep fem with her arms full of leaves and roots. She had been out foraging and was muddy and wet through. She gave us all a look of deep disgust, shuffled around the crowd we made and hobbled off inside. We all stood in the rain, waiting and getting wet.

Suddenly they appeared. They walked out of the bushes towards us. Kas, looking the same as he always did, except he was wearing a new dark green tunic and breeches and a little dancing figure beside him. The raindrops seemed to be bouncing right off her, reflecting back and sparkling as they hit her. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. No, I wasn't imagining it. I was getting my first look at a woodland sprite. I had always imagined they would be rather like us, not easy to see among the trees. This fem stood out a mile! She would have stood out wherever you put her. Except perhaps in the! middle of the sky. Her skin was blue.

"Come on," that was our Dad. "We can save the speeches. Let's all get inside before we gets drownded."

We all walked inside and I tried not to stare, but I just could not help myself. Like everyone else within a hundred yard radius, I could not take my eyes off Korielle. She stood about thirty inches high I would guess, but she was so thin she looked smaller. she had very long arms and legs and fluttery hands and she never kept still for a moment. AS we all stood, just taking each other in, she was moving, hovering off the floor, then coming to rest, moving forward a little, then back to Kas's side, she just could not seem to stay still. Her expressive hands made dancing motions in the air, it was like looking at a whisp of blue smoke, always moving.

It was really hard to get past the colour of her skin to see what the rest of her was like. You just could not take your eyes off it! It was not the blue you get when you become really cold, or do not get enough oxygen. It was the bright, clear blue of a Kingfisher. If you tried to look past that you would see that Korielle had a pretty, merry little face, a huge mop of silver blonde curls and big eyes as black as coal. She wore a long, diaphanous floaty dress of a soft dove grey colour which only served to set off her amazing skin all the more. I looked at her dancing and hovering beside Kas. I knew exactly why he had braved the family's opinion, never mind the colony's and the lep world's to marry her. She was just dazzling.

The silence seemed to go on and on. It was finally broken by Kas, who took Korielle's hand, led her forward to Dad and held her hand out towards his.

"Dad," he said quietly, "This is my wife Korielle."

Dad didn't know what to do or say. Before he could quite make up his mind, Korielle took her hand out of Kas's threw her arms around Dad and gave him a huge hug.

"Hi, Mr. Alfie!" she said, she had a light clear voice with always the suggestion of a giggle in it. "You and me will get on just fine!"

She went next to Mum and hugged her too.

"Hi, Mrs Lil, stars you look tired! I'll come down and help you when Jockie don't need me. Don't look so worried, girl, it's going to be ok!"

Mum hugged her back warmly, too surprised to say anything. Korielle and Kas walked around the family, some got a handshake, some a hug, but Korielle seemed to know them, or to be able to see or sense them already. Mella got a very piercing look.

"Hi, Mrs Mella," she said. "Sorry you think I'm trashy. We'll be friends in the end, you'll see. No good at the moment. You did ought to come down off it though, you're upsetting your hubby and your brother." I thought Mella's eyes were going to pop out of her head.

Kas and Korielle got to me nearly last. I gave Kas a hearty handshake and told him how pleased I was for them both. I got a hug from Korielle.

"Hi, Mr. Bert," she said. "Good luck for Wednesday. Stars! Poor tortoise is climbing up a mountain. So much to do, so many people need him. All that weight on his back! But that tortoise he'll get to the top one day and there'll be precious jewels on his shell, put there by all the people who love him." She kissed my cheek and moved on, leaving me gawping like an idiot.

When all the greetings were done, we began to walk slowly down the thoroughfare, back towards the cube which would now belong to the newly-weds. Their stove had been laid ready, a meal had been set there, everything was ready for them. As we moved down the thoroughfare everybody stared at us, or rather, at Korielle. As we passed by people murmured and whispered. It was pretty horrible.

Once Kas and Korielle had been installed in their cube and we had drunk a cup of Zair to their future happiness, the party dispersed. A lot of the family were going back to Mum and Dad's, probably for a big pow wow, but I really did not feel like it. I just wanted to go home and be quiet and think over the whole afternoon. I made my excuses and left for the Lair.

Oh how lovely it was to get back to my warm, cosy closet, to change out of my soaking wet clothes and put on my warm pajamas and dressing gown and to come into the nice warm den for a glass of wine and a chat with Brian and L. I told them all about my afternoon.

"Korielle sounds amazing," said L when I had finished my story.

"She obviously sees or senses something about everyone she meets. She got you dead right anyway."

"Me?" I looked at her in astonishment. "I didn't understand a word of that. Tortoises climbing up mountains? Jewels on shells? What's that all about?"

Brian and L just squeezed one another's hands and laughed in a way that made me want to snarl, but I did not, as I have grown up a bit in these last few months. Instead I said goodnight and went to bed.

On Tuesday I was up with the lark as usual. I awoke feeling absolutely sick with nerves. Today my shopping would arrive and the stars only knew what would happen if the things I needed did not come. I would have to use something else, or rethink my recipes. I just prayed to the hand that it would all be ok.

I went through my usual morning routine and booted up Nia Netbook to see what was what. I had a surprise, a friend request on Facebook from Korielle. I accepted it fast. I had a browse around the news feeds, but for once the family were fairly quiet, not too much new. It seems Lina and Lita are spending quite a bit of time together at the moment. Lina seems to be helping Lita come to terms with the fact that life has to go on and as they are both expecting new arrivals, they can both help each other. Tovey is fussing about Lina doing too much, but then when did he not? What does he expect her to do all day, for moon's sake, sit on her rump and die of boredom? That was never Lina's style and if he does not know that by now, he should!

This reflection sent me in to get breakfast in not my best mood. Added to that, I was twitchy with nerves, so the fact that I dropped one of L's precious mugs should not surprise you. It was her favourite, the one with the black tulip on it and if I had not done a lightning fast freezing spell and caught it I would have been dead meat let me tell you! I made pancakes for L and myself, but when they were on my plate I could do no more than pick at them. After breakfast was eaten and cleared away I just could not settle to anything, so I decided to do some cleaning until the shopping arrived.

Luckily for my nerves, it was well inside the two hour time slot and I was soon unpacking the bags and ticking things off in my head. Yes, there was the 70 per cent cocoa solids dark chocolate, the double cream, the liqueur, the Champagne, the strawberries, the lamb, the vegetables, the smoked salmon, the... oh stars on the water! oh no! oh holy moon! The peaches! Where were the peaches? Wait, maybe they were here. I would go on unpacking. I unpacked everything and put it away until all I was left with was a punnet of nectarines. Then I checked the receipt that had come from the store. Only one substitution. No peaches, so they had sent me nectarines. I put my head in my hands. Nectarines would not do for this recipe at all. They were smaller and did not have the same nice flavour and in any case, these were unripe and as hard as bullets! Oh. Zlendt! Now what did I do?

L came in to find me sitting on the floor, bumping my head gently and rhythmically on the freezer door and making a kind of low keening sound. Yes, I admit, to that depth of idiocy had I fallen. Sometimes, dinner party fever can take you that way, your brain just short circuits and you cannot think what to do, you just blank out and panic!

Next thing I knew I had been picked up and swung through the air. I was sitting on L's lap on the sofa and had been invited to tell my woes. Out poured the whole no peaches horror story. When I had finished there was a long pause.

"Ok, as I see it, we have two choices," she said, "And, the good thing is we have time."

"But L," I gibbered, "That dessert has to be made today, or at least started. It needs to be chilled overnight."

"Ok, sweetie," she said. "Here are our choices. We try to get you peaches from elsewhere, or you make something else for dessert with ingredients that can be readily bought from anywhere. As you already have the chocolate, if we can't get the peaches I would maybe think about a chocolate Crème Brulé and serve those little Viennese biscuits that were going into the stuffing on the side."

This was a good idea and I soon cheered up. A couple of phone calls, however, tracked down some peaches to a supermarket not too far away. Now we just had one problem left. It was one of L's not well days and she could not come out with me to pick up said peaches. I could hardly zap into the supermarket, breeze up to the check out and pay for the peaches myself without causing a riot.

Luckily, Brian was at home and not too busy, so at lunch time we took a taxi and I sat in the baby seat without a murmur while we perambulated down the fruit aisle. We had some luck, because I found some really nice ripe peaches, snagged them and we headed for the check out. Hey, I even smiled at the four ladies who patted my head I was so pleased! I did not even snarl once when a horrible little girl poked her tongue out at me!

Stars, was I one glad lep to be home! I checked to make sure L was ok, saw Brian safe back at his desk and got on with my cooking. I will not bore you with an account of what I did for the rest of that day, because it would be, well, boring! Giggling here. Basically I cooked. a lot. By about six O'clock I had everything that I needed to have done ready and stowed in the fridge. I was going to make dinner, but I was once more swept right off my feet and on to the sofa this time, between Brian and L. They said I had worked enough and they were going to order us pizza. My word it was very yummy indeed!

I had just finished eating and was all ready for a nice lazy evening with a good book when I got a very annoyed call from Mella. She asked if I was not going to bother coming to help with the lings' bath and bed anymore. I felt awful, I had forgotten all about it. I asked Brian, who said I could go if I really wanted to, but that I looked tired and would it not be better if I stayed home. I would have much rather, but I felt guilty, so I went.

Milly, Jemmy, Dex and the rest were in their most murder-inducing mood, Mella had the lep equivalent of a Migraine, Derry was nowhere to be seen, so it was absolute tornado city there. Added to which, Mella did nothing but snipe at Kas and Korielle until I wanted to scream. She said leps should not mix with other magical creatures, it set a bad example. Whatever that means. She said sprites were trashy, elves were flighty, pixies were all brainless idiots and gnomes were earth grubbing numbskulls. I felt so bad for the other creatures as she down cried them and called them names. I could not help but wonder what they would make of us. Stars know we are nothing to boast of! I kept quiet, saw to the lings and thought my own thoughts. Stars knew what Mella would have said if she had known what I had been doing all day and who I was having to dinner tomorrow!

When I made it back to the Lair I was exhausted. L was in bed, so Brian and I had our evening glass of wine together and I told him about my evening. I was not late in turning in, I was just so tired. I had been afraid I would not sleep for nerves about the morrow, but Mella's noisy tribe had seen to it that my eyes slammed shut as soon as my head hit the soft pillow.

I awoke feeling absolutely sick. For a moment I could not think why and then I remembered and felt even sicker. Today, Tealy was coming here to the Lair for dinner. A dinner which I was going to cook. Oh stars! I got up out of bed and dragged myself through my morning routine. I booted up Nia Netbook. I checked my mail and among the reams of forwarded junk from Hinky there was my daily message from Tealy. Usually she told me what she had been doing, a little about her work, where she had been, any news she thought I would be interested in. Today there was just a short message.

"Dear Bert."

"I can't wait to see you. I'll be there at seven. Best to Brian and Miss Bear and thank them for this."

"Love Tealy."

I smiled at the "Miss Bear." Of course, that is what Hinky had always called L. I had not heard it for ages. Hardly anyone calls L The Bear anymore.

I had a potter on Facebook, but for once it was all quiet. There was a bit of rumbling going on, but most people had been won over by Korielle's general niceness on Monday and those who had not were keeping quiet, because they really were in the minority, at least in our family. Auntie Kitty was online again, she really was getting very close, if not a bit past her time. I wished her well, said I hoped she would not have too much longer to wait.

As soon as I had breakfast out of the way, I began a really good bottoming of the lair. I scrubbed, dusted, cleaned and polished that place from top to bottom. If there was one speck of dirt or dust there by the time I was done I am a silver-tailed unicorn!

After that I made us all a sandwich and a cup of tea and after that I got on with the cooking. Soon there were gorgeous smells wafting out of the kitchen. I laid the table carefully, puréed and sweetened my strawberries for the cocktail and went to get changed.

At ten minutes to seven I dipped the rims of two of L's long Champagne flutes into egg white and then into caster sugar, making a sparkling sugar frost on them. I put the glasses in the fridge to get cold. I checked to make sure everything was ready and that I had left no washing up. Everything was set. Brian and L left for the next-door room. Brian wished me luck, squeezed my shoulder. L gave me a hug, only not too hard so as not to crumple my crisp clean shirt. Then I paced the floor and waited.

At exactly seven O'clock the door of my closet opened and tealy walked out into the hall. She looked absolutely stunning. She was wearing a pink silk top with tiny silver straps rather than sleeves and a long, flowing skirt made of interwoven leaves of soft pink and silver fabric. The skirt moved and shimmered as she walked, so that you were never quite sure whether it was pink or silver, or both. Some of the leaves were set with sparkling stones which glittered when they caught the light. She wore matching stones in her hair and more on the bangles at her wrists. There were even sparkles on her high heeled silver sandals.

For one horrible moment I did not know quite what to say. Then Tealy smiled at me and said: "Will this do?" and I remembered my manners, brought her into the den and went to get our drinks.

Do you know, I really hate those books you read, where an author describes a gorgeous dinner party that someone prepares, sets it all up for you and you know it's going to go absolutely and horribly wrong wrong wrong! You have read the ones, you know, the other person does not turn up, or one of the guests does something awful, or there are maggots in the chocolate peaches. I always feel so cheated when I read that. Well, I am here to tell you that nothing went wrong this time.

We had a gorgeous meal, both ate till we were totally stuffed. I must say it was lovely to flex my Cordon Bleu muscles again! I think I overdid the Amaretto just a tad in the stuffing for the chocolate peaches, but apart from that I am pleased with everything. Tealy did not want any truffles, which was ok, it meant I had something nice to give Brian and L for letting me do this.

When we had finished our coffee, Tealy did an amazing thing. She looked at the piles of dishes in the sink and said she was not having me slaving half the night over those. she lifted up her hand, made a kind of fluttery gesture with two of her fingers and the dishes were just gone! I was horrified, I thought she had vanished them! She laughed and told me not to be silly, they were all in the places where they should be. I ran to look, thinking they would all be filthy dirty. But no, everything was in its right place, sparkling clean.

After that we went into my closet. Over dinner I had been telling Tealy how it had come about that Brian and L had let me have their den for the evening.

"They said you might like to do some work on the closet so we could have a place to eat next time you come," I said shyly. "I don't know how you feel about that, Tealy."

Tealy had smiled across the table. "What a wonderful idea, darling." she had said.

When dinner was all finished, we went into the closet and the side wall suddenly developed a very nice little alcove, containing a round table with a lovely cloth and two chairs, everything in colours to match my room.

"Oh, wow, Tealy!" was about all I could manage.

"You can't cook for me again for a while, it's my turn next." she said.

It was after ten before she left. By the time I told Brian and L all about everything, it was later still and you had better believe I was very tired by the time I fell into bed!

I was singularly unamused to be awoken by my phone at four-thirty the next morning. I tried to ignore it and when it finally went to voicemail I turned over and went back to sleep, but the ringing just started again. I snarled, reached for it, answered and snarled some more. It was Uncle Arf. He was calling to tell me that Auntie Kitty had given birth to twins an hour ago. Uncle Arf was over the moon, Auntie Kitty and the younglings were doing fine. I congratulated him sleepily, hung up and tried to get back to sleep.

I must have succeeded better than I had expected, because the next thing I knew it was lunch time! L was leaning over me, gently shaking my shoulder. She said I could stay in bed as long as I wanted, but would I like a cup of tea? Oh stars! When I saw the time I jumped out of bed like a scalded cat!

I had a quick shower, no more than a lick and a promise, threw on the first clothes I could find and dashed into the den. I need not have hurried, there really was not much to do. I flopped on to the sofa with Nia Netbook to see what was going on. The family were all talking about Auntie Kitty's new arrivals, no one had seen them yet because Uncle Arf and old Jildi the Birther were keeping everyone away and guarding the place like the crock of gold had landed there!

I had a disgruntled mail from Mella, asking if I was coming down to help tonight. I thought about it and then decided no, to the low country with her, I am tired and I am staying home, zlendt it, if she cannot keep a civil tongue in her head about other magical creatures, she can do her own donkey work! It is not like she is at High Country's gate anymore! Not very nice of me, maybe, but stars, I was tired!

I had a very nice day, being absolutely lazy. I pottered about, did a bit of housework and a bit of audio work which Brian needed, made us some dinner, stayed in all evening and listened to the radio with Brian and L and went to bed at a reasonable time, would you believe? wow!

I cannot really remember much about Friday, it was the kind of day I love, quiet, pleasant, uneventful. I rather think it was a Migraine day for L and a busy one for Brian, I had audio production to do, so we two just kept our heads down and looked after L in between times. I had my usual nice Email from Tealy, but besides her usual chattering there was nothing much in that.

On Friday evening I went down to Mella's and gave her a hand with the lings. She was petulant, sulky and argumentative by turns and I left wishing I had not bothered. I was feeling more and more upset about the behaviour of Mella, I really did expect better of my most treasured sister.

Saturday left me no time to brood on family worries. It was the usual mad rush. We had two radio shows to get ready for and get on air. They both went off really well and afterwards we sat on the sofa with our glasses of wine, feeling like conquering heroes.

"Bert," said Brian, "How would you feel about being back just before seven tomorrow?"

I looked at him questioningly. Seven O'clock is when Brian and L do their joint radio show on Sunday, but as it is my day off I have never usually had to be involved before.

"We'd really like you to be more involved in our show, sweetie," said L. "Down for Double is all about interaction and we want you to be in it too."

Well, what could I say? Of course, the listeners do not know I am me. They just think my voice is a clever sound effect or something. Of course, it does mean less time at the colony, but well, offer me a bigger part in a radio show and I am hardly going to turn it down!

Sunday morning saw me up bright and early. I skimmed through my normal morning computer browse, as I would be seeing the family that day. I thought I might as well check my Emails later. If I had known the trouble it was going to cause... oh well, no good crying over spilt Zair!

Once I had breakfast made and all cleared away, I zapped to the colony. It was a fairly nice day for a change and the outer doors were standing open. I walked down to Mum and Dad's. There were a fair number of us gathered there and I had a cup of tea, a slice of cake and a good catch up with the family.

After lunch, Mum, Dad and I set out for Uncle Arf's place. Apparently, Jildi had gone now and Uncle Arf was letting in visitors in a tiny trickle.

We peeped in to Uncle Arf's big cube, which looked small, as it was swarming with lings, although they were all being remarkably good and quiet. Uncle Arf beckoned us and we came in and crept quietly up to the big swing bed which had not been stowed for the day, but which was still out and in which Auntie Kitty lay, looking white and washed out but smiling faintly. Beside her lay two pink bundles, swaddled in blankets.

"Just look at 'em!" said Uncle Arf. "Ain't they beautiful?"

As I could see nothing more than two little tufts of curly sandy hair, two little noses, two foreheads and two pairs of mercifully closed eyelids, I did not really feel qualified to say, but I nodded enthusiastically with Mum and Dad. I could not even have hazarded a guess at what sex they were. No one had bothered to tell me.

"What are you going to call them?" I asked, hoping this would give me a clue.

"Gemmalinda and Jewelandra." said Auntie Kitty. "Cos they're our two little treasures. Gem and Jewel."

Right on cue, one pair of dazzlingly blue eyes opened and a hand reached out of the blankets. It stretched out towards me, a little face emerged and a bud of a mouth opened and gave me a gummy smile. Not bad younglings, as younglings go. They'll probably grow up to be as pretty as their names, as I said to Auntie Kitty.

We stayed a little while, but left quite soon so as not to tire anyone. On the way back, Mum and Dad went to their own cube, but I headed off to see Mella. I was hoping to have a serious talk with her.

I was about two yards from Mella's cube when I heard the sound of high heels. You do not hear that sound in our colony, leps do not wear heels. There was only one person who wore them and I looked round in complete disbelief.

Tealy was tripping down the thoroughfare towards me. She was looking drop dead elegant in a beautifully cut cream suit with a coral pink silk top underneath. She wore coral pink sandals and coral ribbon in her hair. She tripped up to me in a waft of fresh, flowery perfume and kissed my cheek where I stood, not a few steps from Mella's door.

"Hi, darling!" she said.

I just gawked. I became aware that the curtain of Mella's cube had lifted and Mella had emerged and was glaring at us in incredulous fury.

"Hi, Tealy," I finally managed to say. "It's great to see you! What are you doing here?"

Tealy turned her huge eyes on me and gave me a surprised look.

"Gold, darling, don't you read your Email now? I sent you a mail this morning that I was coming over to see Andi today, she invited me to lunch. I said that if I didn't hear any different, I'd meet you later at your Mum and Dad's cube. Andi told me where to go and as I had not heard different that is where I went, only the neighbours told me you'd gone to see some new younglings. I've just been there, but they told me you'd gone, probably to see a Mrs Mella, so, here I am, sweetie!" she suddenly looked uncertain. "That is all right, isn't it?"

"Of course it is." I said emphatically. And it was. Mella had the problem with elves, not me. "I'm sorry I didn't answer your mail, I was late this morning and didn't get time to check them, I'll know better in future. Come in and meet my sister."

I spoke a lot more bravely than I felt, but Mella had always had good manners and I trusted these would get us through the next half hour or so, so I took Tealy's arm in mine and we walked towards the curtain.

I swear, if looks could kill when Tealy and I walked into that cube we would have walked out corpses! Mella was standing beside a poorly laden table which had just been set with a late meal. The lings and Derry, who must have just come in from work as he still had his muddy boots on, were just pulling up chairs and were getting ready to eat.

A battery of eyes met us and raked us over. Mella's looked about as friendly as a snake. the lings' were just avid with curiosity. Derry took one look at the scant amount of wild greens in the pot and the rough bread, then stared at the floor.

"We wasn’t' expecting visitors." said Mella in a flat voice.

"We won't disturb your meal," I said. "But my friend was having lunch at Andi's and she popped down to see me, so I thought I would introduce her, seeing as she's here. This is Tealy. You might remember her at Andi and Gordy's wedding. She's a good friend of mine. Tealy, this is Amarella my sister, Derry her husband and their leplings."

Tealy smiled her most beautiful, winning smile and held out her hand. Nobody took it. "Hi," she said. "Sorry to burst in while you're eating. Do go on and don't let us bother you." the hand she had been awkwardly holding out suddenly made a fluttering gesture. oh no no no! I wanted to call out to her not to, but It was far too late.

The nearly empty table suddenly groaned with food. The partially filled pot was now filled with a rich vegetable stew, there was a huge platter heaped with a delicious looking salad, it jostled for space with another platter piled with sliced cheeses and delicious grapes. The rough bread was gone, replaced by a huge, crusty brown loaf that would keep the family fed for days. There was a huge basket of mixed nuts in the shell with a pair of silver nutcrackers and in the centre was a huge rose cake on a silver dish, decorated with petals made from pink spun sugar.

The eyes of the lings were popping out on stalks. This was more food than they had ever seen on their table before. With one accord, their hands stretched out to it.

"Don't touch it!" Mella screamed at the top of her voice.

Tealy jumped back as if she had been shot. Her big sensitive ears quivered at the sound and her eyes filled with tears.

"Bert." Mella's voice was quivering with rage. "Take that disgusting elf out of 'ere and don't never bring it back. It's ruined what we took two days to find in this rain!"

"Well honestly! I say! I..." Tealy began, her voice quivering with tears."

"Tealy," I said quietly. "Hush, Zaea. Can you make things the way they were before?"

"Well, yes, darling, but..."

"Just do it," I said. "I'll explain later."

Tealy's fingers fluttered and the table was as bare as it had been five minutes before. Derry gave me a hopeless look.

"She still won't eat it, Bert." he said dully.

"That's her look out then!" I snapped. I took Tealy's arm and guided her out of the cube. as I left I looked back one last time.

"Just so you know," I said to Mella, "That food was perfectly good and Tealy is a she, not an it."

By this time, I was shaking with anger and Tealy was in tears. It was no good staying at the colony, we were attracting too much attention. I took Tealy outside and walked her down to the zapping bushes while I thought. No good taking her back to hers, I did not have a pass. I would have to take her to the Lair and hope that Brian and L did not mind.

We zapped in my closet and I popped out and went to tell Brian and L quickly what had happened and who was in my closet. Brian and L did not mind, but said she would need to be gone by six-thirty as that was when they would need me to help them to get ready for the show.

I went back in to find Tealy sitting on the sofa, holding a tissue to her eyes and trying to calm down.

"Now, darling." she said in a slightly shaky voice. "Do you mind telling me what in the blue whirligigs was going on there? I mean, I know your sister wasn't exactly friendly, but I thought I would win her over by helping and putting some much-needed food on the table!"

"Oh, Tealy!" I sighed. "Learn a bit about the creatures you're helping when they're not like you." I smiled at her. "A lep's food is really precious, more valuable than gold. They gather every crumb themselves, or someone they trust has gathered or provided it. They wouldn't dream of eating something someone they don't know offers them. Some leps don't trust other magical creatures. Mella's in a taking at the moment because my brother Kasimalcus has married a sprite, but most of us think she's great. Mella has a problem with her though and with anyone who isn't a lep. So there she was, with a meal which had all been gathered by Derry, which she had cooked and all of a sudden poof! it's gone and there's food put there by what might as well be a monster. She'd never eat it, she'd never let the lings touch it. If I'd known what you were about to do I'd have stopped you. Oh, Tealy, don't cry, Zaea! Not everyone sees elves that way!"

Well, I think I will draw a veil over the next little while, Tealy is a fem after all and she had suffered rather a nasty experience, so we had heavy rain in the Lair for a while! Eventually I managed to get the rain to stop and get Tealy all mopped up and she left feeling a little more cheerful. I promised I would take her to meet my Mum and Dad soon and they were all right about elves. I'll zlendt well warn them first, that's for sure! Yes and have Andi and Gordy round for moral support!

Well, after that I went in to help Brian and L get ready for the show, which went off brilliantly, if I do say so myself! After that we had our normal cosy evening and after that I fell exhaustedly into bed. What a day!

I knew it was Monday when I awoke because there was my little scroll on the pillow, tied up in pink. Yay, I thought, more good news from Shana-Sherin!

"Dear Uncle Bert."

"I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a fair report this week."

"Uncle, I think humans is the most stupidest things that ever was made. We saw some in human studies this week and this one man, he was running to get out of the rain and he had a big thing over his head to keep dry. Stupid, I says, everyone knows rain gets you clean! But then, if you'll believe it, he comes in his stupid house, takes all his close off, honest, uncle I didn't know where to look, gets in this little tiny room and turns on the rain and stands in it! With nothing on! How ridiclus can you get?"

"May the sun shine running out of room now I'll catch it love Babsy xx"

Oh stars, oh stars! I still have not really stopped giggling at that. Well, once I had written back to Babsy I got on with my Monday. It was a very nice, quiet, uneventful day. It was only marred by a furious Email from Mella. She told me that she had insisted Derry throw out the food "That disgusting elf" had desecrated, even though he had not wanted to. She was not eating anything tainted by elf magic, or letting her precious lings eat it either. Apparently they had all had to ask help from Mum and Dad, who had spared them what they could, which had not been much. She hoped I was satisfied with the harm I had done and that this would teach me what happened when I let a disgusting elf into my life.

I did not bother to answer, because I would have said things I would have been sorry for. I just went back to my work, read and played games with L. the next day I would be going away with Brian and I wanted to enjoy my remaining time at the Lair.

As I got into bed that night I felt pretty depressed. It had been a good while since I had needed to spend time alone at the Merseyside tomb and holy moon! I was not looking forward to it at all!

There was one good thing about that two days away. WE did not have to get up at crazy O'clock on the Tuesday morning, so I was able to help L get things ready and make breakfast for us all, as well as making sure things were all straight and tidy for L before we left. Is it my imagination, or does leaving get harder and harder every time we have to do it? I just hate it, I really, truly do! Just ug!

The boring boring train was its usual miserable self. When we got to Crew I made myself scarce and zapped to the Merseyside Tomb. Stars, what a difference in that place. No more Andi smiling at me amid a delicious waft of cooking smells in the kitchen. No more gordy hacking down nettles in the garden. The kitchen was dusty, desolate and empty. The garden was rain washed and weedy.

There was plenty for me to do, so I set to with a will and all too soon everything was ship shape. By the end of Tuesday I was kicking my heels and prowling around like a bear in a cage.

Wednesday was a really horrendous day indeed! I called L in the morning, just to see how she was. I am not really supposed to do this, I am supposed to wait until she calls me, but that particular rule has got a bit elastic as the months have gone on and these days I do not resist temptation very well at all. Anyway, L was having one of her worst days. Now, this is ok when Bert is around to make sure she is ok, but when Bert is not around to make sure she is ok, there is trouble!

Bert tends to convince himself roughly once every couple of hours that L is probably breathing her last. He then calls L in a panic to see if she is ok. L is usually asleep, wakes up, answers phone and sounds terrible. Bert panics even worse, is sure he should zap home immediately, Emails Brian advising him of this fact and tells him at great length and with figurative wailing and gnashing of teeth that L is going to come to some kind of dire harm if he, Bert, is not there to take care of her. Bert prowls about waiting for an answer. He usually does not get one because the long-suffering Brian is used to bothersome Bert's carrying on when L is ill and furthermore is trying to work. If he does get one it is that L needs to sleep, will be perfectly ok and he can go home at the time he has been told he can! Bothersome Bert tries to calm down, makes nice cup of tea, tries to read IBook, plays game an loses catastrophically, does something else until some random thing reminds him of poor, ill, migrainous L at home, at which point the whole awful cycle starts all over again!

I went on like this all day, nearly drove myself and my two humans completely insane, why they still have me around here is a complete mystery to me! Finally at about eight O'clock I got the word to come home and I was out of that awful place in about ten seconds flat! I got home to warmth, comfort, soft music, pizza and, surprisingly, a warm welcome! Would you believe it?

Yesterday was a quiet one. I woke up at my normal time, went through my normal morning routine. I heard that Korielle has been taken on as assistant healer to old Jockie. No surprises there, sprites are said to be wonderful healers, as I think I have said before. I think there will be opposition to the appointment and some people will not want Korielle to treat them, but Jockie can certainly use help. Gem and Jewel are doing well, Auntie Kitty is finding feeding them a hard job, especially as all they have is colony rations, Uncle Arf is far too old to forage.

Brian and L had an early meeting with the artist, so I had the first part of the morning to myself. I wrote a few Emails, had a talk on Skype to Mum and Dad, Tovey was out foraging so he was not around. When Scott had left I came back into the den and got on with some work.

In the afternoon, L went out to her Grandma's and Brian and I kept on working. When L came back we all three just went on in our usual cosy way. That is the kind of day I like really. I had an Email from Tealy, asking about seeing each other this weekend. I said it would not work, Saturdays are not free and I do not want to spring her on Mum and Dad without warning them first. She has asked me to come to the Elfhold on Monday evening instead and I will go if I can get the time off.

And so we are here, at today, at last! Well, all I have done is write! I got up this morning, did my usual morning things and made breakfast. Scott came again at ten, more pictures, but not of me. Bleh! After he had gone I decided I really had better buckle down, as it was getting a ridiculous length of time since I had done an entry and if I did not do one soon my entry would be as long as War and Peace! Which it very nearly is, I think!

But now, at last, you are up to date. I do hope you have had a good couple of weeks. Thanks, as ever, for reading my ramblings. I shall now go off and find some food, I am one starvacious lep. See you again soon. Big smiles.