May 2012
May 2
Hi, everyone. Well, it is a few days since I wrote here and I have a fair amount to tell you, but I have had a very unpleasant homecoming and I am feeling very unsettled, so I do not know how much I will feel like writing tonight. If you get a scribble, please forgive me.
We got back to the Lair about an hour ago, after a night and day away and a truly horrendous train ride, during which I came as close to punching a kid’s lights out as I am ever likely to come! This child, he was about my size, I do not know exactly how old he was, but he obviously wanted to play with me and when I did not show any interest, obviously I could not play without talking to him and if I spoke I would give myself away immediately, he took offence and started to jeer at me and make horrible faces, which he continued to do the whole of the way home. Brian was immersed in work, so I had to try and hold myself in the best I could, but my word! it was a near thing!
WE had a very slow taxi ride and oh stars! Was I ever glad to get home to the lovely warm, welcoming lair! L was there at the door to greet us and I got a nice hug. As soon as I had taken my stuff to the closet and given her and Brian a bit of time to themselves, I came into the den and headed for the kitchen, intending to do something about food, I knew Brian was hungry.
“er, no, sweetie, don’t do that.” L’s voice was so sharp and urgent that I stopped in my tracks.
“Come over here, please, Bert. Right away from the kitchen. Thank you.”
“But, L,” I said, “Brian hasn’t eaten or drunk anything since breakfast, I must make a start on dinner right away.”
“No, we’re having take out tonight, sweetie,” L said, “And I’ll be doing the cooking for the next couple of days. I’m going to have to ask you to stay right away from the kitchen. That means the whole of the kitchen, the cupboards, the fridge, everywhere, you’re not. To go. Near them.”
I have to say, I just gaped at her stupidly. I always cook when I am here, I mean, always! If I am not cooking, I am cleaning or tidying up. If I was not to go near the kitchen, I could not do any of the things I normally do here.
“But L,” I just did not get it. Could not think that she was really serious. “I always look after you and Brian when we are here. How can I do it if I am not to go near the kitchen?”
“Bert!” I jumped. Brian was sounding very stern. I looked around at him and his face was dead serious. “Listen to what L is telling you. She means what she says. Now please, don’t make me have to give you an order.”
Well! I ran back to my closet and slammed the door. Brian give me an order? The very idea! I have always done anything I was asked to do and right away. He has never, ever ever ever had to give me an order! The thought that he should give me one to keep me out of L’s kitchen, it is so unthinkable it would be funny if it was not so hurtful! Fine. She can have her silly kitchen and I do not want to know what for. If she has decided she does not like the way I cook for her, that is all right by me. I suppose they are getting ready to tell me they do not want me here anymore and it will be back to the Merseyside tomb for me for keeps!
I cannot think about this anymore, it is just too ouchy to even contemplate! Let me tell you what happened on Monday. It was quite a day!
I woke up at my usual time and there was a scroll on my pillow from Babsy. I am getting to look forward to the Monday morning scrolls.
“Dear Uncle Bert,
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week.”
“I really hate human history I think all humans is stupid they is always fighting one another and killing each other and chopping heads off they is really stupid and dates and dates and bloomin dates to everything it is driving me mad I like cooking best I made a beautiful sponge cake it rose ever so high it was better than blissa’s or Sharielle’s they was mad.”
“May the sun shine on you always and the helping hand keep you from harm.”
“Your affectionate niece”
“Barbriella Nilena.””
I had a good laugh over this. Babsy’s view of human history is much like my own. I do not think I will ever really understand it. Cooking now, that is something I do understand. I bet a certain person cannot make a sponge cake! I have never seen her try anyway. I dread to think of the mess if she did! Hmmm, I had better not think anymore of that.
Well, I got up and got on with my usual morning routine. When I was showered and dressed, the bed made and the room tidy I booted up Nia Netbook and had a check of the mail. There was a mail from Derry to say that the healers allowed visitors to the gardens on Sundays, if prearranged and if the patients were well enough. Mella had asked to see me, so I am going to ask Brian and L if I can go this Sunday. I have never been to the healing gardens, so I will first go to the home colony, meet Derry and he will take me there.
After I had done the mail, I logged on to Facebook and checked out both my accounts. My human account is still quite small, only Brian and L, L’s sister and a few other friends, I like to check it out but it does not take too long. Then I did my normal Facebook and oh my word! There was blood and feathers flying everywhere!
Mig was online and was being told at great length about the trouble Ikey is in and that Liella cannot cook to save her life, even with Lita going over to help when she can and that the younger ones are running wild and getting into mischief and Barty was telling Mig that she should give up this ridiculous rural idyll of hers and come back to her cube and look after her family. Mum was backing Barty up, when she could get a word in edgeways, Liella was also online and in the chat, pleading with her Mum to come back and help them. Mig was saying they had all had the chance to come to Scotland and that the offer was still open, if they wanted to come, she had made a nice home, with plenty of good food and it was just waiting for them, she would show them where to come and they could be with her straight away. Liella was saying she had a good mind to go. Ikey was saying he would not leave his Father for anything. The two younger boys were saying that they were hungry, it was just a mess!
I could not contribute much and I just had to leave them all to it, because it was getting towards breakfast time and I wanted to have the pancakes mixed and ready to fry. As it turned out L was having a bad day and was not well enough for any pancakes, so Brian and I had bacon and sausage, coffee toast and Actimel. After that, Brian was busy working hard all morning and I got to take care of L.
At about lunch time I had a frantic Email from Andi. She told me that Barty was in a filthy temper and had banned her from seeing Gordy anymore. He had told her that he categorically refused her permission to marry until either he chose someone for her, or she chose someone of whom he approved, or she came of age. Leps, I should explain, do not come of age until they are thirty years old. Andi is only nineteen. She has been Marilee, that is old enough to be married, for three years and a lot of lep fems are married and mothers by Andi’s age, but Barty is impossibly picky! Andi will be an old maid if it is left to him!
Anyway andi wanted to know if they could run away at once! I told her that they could not run until Tuesday, as I would not be at the Merseyside Tomb till then, but that then they could run, if they really had to and given, of course, Brian’s permission.
I asked Brian about it at lunch time and he said it was fine, that as long as I kept popping back and forth to take care of them they could stay as long as they needed to.
So I asked if I could use Brian’s supermarket account to do a little online shopping and I bought in some food that would not go off and that I knew Andi and Gordy would be able to eat. I booked the delivery for later on Tuesday, when I was sure to be there. By the time I had done all that it was time for dinner. I cooked up something nice for Brian who had been so mad busy all day, but L could only face some soup.
And then Monday evening, I got a mail from Andi saying Gordy had to get some money together and could not run away Tuesday and it would have to be the weekend after next at the earliest! Mad? Was I mad? After all that rushing around, you just bet I was! Madder than O’reilly’s cat, as they say at Shana-Sherin! Who O’Reilly was and why his or her cat was mad I do not know, nor even care very much, I am not very fond of cats. You would not be either if you were my size. Ugh! Anyway, where was I?
Well that was Monday just about finished with. Tuesday we left at half past ridiculous to go back to the tomb for me and work for Brian. L was still feeling awful and I did not want to go. I asked if I could not just stay here and look after her, but she said she had things to do! Now there, again, what things? She never used to shut me out like this.
Well, we got on the boring boring train, a nice lady gave me a doughnut and that was all the excitement I got that day. I zapped back to the Merseyside Tomb when we got back to Stoke and once there got on with the usual stuff, sorted the mail, dusted, polished, vacuumed, tried not to think about why L would not let me stay and would not tell me why not.
I had an ultra-boring day and an awful nightmare, from which there was no one to wake me up. I was late getting up this morning and when I came on to Facebook, I found Ikey had been picked up for brawling and been slung in a guards’ cube overnight and Mum was having a bird and a half! Liella was trying to get the younger ones sorted out and ready for school but she did not know really what she was doing, it was a complete shambles. Mig is going to have to do something about it, though I do not know what, or the council will get involved and that will not be good!
Today Lita left for the healing gardens to spend another fortnight with Danic. She has not been allowed to see him for a month, he is so ill. They said Mart could go too, but Mart prefers to stay here. It is not that Mart does not care about the youngling, but he just cannot cope with intense situations. Besides how he is paying for the healing I do not know. I do know that he is working himself into the ground and will need healing himself if he does not let up.
Mum told me that Dad’s back is a bit better and old Jockie, who has been allowed back into the cube on condition that he comes in sober, allowed him to go out foraging with Tovey, on condition he did not carry anything heavy. Dad enjoyed the airing and got twice as much as Tovey did, much to Tove’s annoyance! Had to laugh!
Well, once I was up to date with the family, I went over the tomb again, made sure there was food for Andi and Gordy for when they do finally get here, dusted and polished and vacuumed yet again, packed my back pack and finally finally it was time to meet Brian at Birmingham New Street Station.
And there you are. No scribble, you are all up to date. The journey home was horrendous, the homecoming was unsatisfactory in the extreme! And now something else weird. I was writing this, when L knocked on my door, came in before I had time to tell her to do the other thing, picked me out of my chair, sat me on her lap on the sofa, asked me if I wanted a game of Ping Pong while we were waiting for the food to come and told me she had ordered my favourite chicken, onion rings and chips for me! She was her usual lovely Ellish self and not a hint of not liking me anymore, or wanting to send me back to Merseyside, in fact I would say the opposite! Since I have been away, both Brian and she seem to have become even nicer to me. So. What. Is going. On?
Oh well, thinking about it will not get me any further forward and the food is just here, so I will go and eat with Brian and L. We are here now for a good few days, so yay to that! I suppose, whatever is going on I will find out soon, but I wish I did not feel so worried about it. Gotta go, they are calling me. Hope you have all had a nice few days and thanks for reading.
I’ll write more tomorrow. Smiles.
May 3
Hi. I am sorry for being such a sour gooseberry, as we say, but honestly! Today has just been total pants! That is an Ellism and it makes me laugh and believe me, I need to laugh at the moment. What I want to know is: why did they bring me down here this time? They do not seem to want me here at all! I have spent a lot of the day being politely asked to go into my closet and please not to ask questions! And then, just to put the Zlanny brass cap on it… oh dear oh dear! I do apologize, I never usually use language! Ok, deep breath, let me start at the beginning and try to tell you about the day properly.
Now let’s see. I had another slightly broken night, but guess what? It was not me having nightmares this time, it was L! Honestly. I woke up in the night and heard someone moving about in the den and sobbing. I was out of my closet in a flash and there was L, sitting on the sofa, rocking herself back and forth, trying to catch her breath.
I know from my own nightmares that the last thing you want to do at these times is talk, so I just jumped up by her and held her hand and pretty wet it was by the time she got calm again! I would love to have made her a cup of tea or something, but she said when I asked her about it that she did not want anything and soon padded off back to bed.
I went back to try for some more sleep myself and soon dropped off, waking up at a little after my usual time. I jumped into the shower and was midway through my usual morning ablutions, happily warbling the April Showers theme from Bambi, when I heard a little crow of laughter and to my utter horror, on rubbing a clear patch in the steamed up glass shower screen, I saw L, standing in the doorway wearing a blue nightshirt with a lamb on the front and a huge grin.
“It’s ok, sweetie, your modesty is safe with me!” she chuckled. “Sorry I interrupted the song!” and off she went. I was so mortified I wanted to evaporate into the rapidly cooling water!
Well, that about set the tone for the day. L felt ill and I was not allowed to make her a drink, nor breakfast. I came back to the closet to boot up Nia Netbook and see what was going on to find that the row over Mig and Ikey was intensifying. Lella nearly set fire to the cube last night. She put something into the embers of the fire to cook, roots or something and then left them and went off to play. The roots caught and blazed up and if it had not been for prompt action by the watchers we could have had a serious fire in the colony. Lella is in trouble, Mum is in tears, Ikey is saying it is all his Mother’s fault and Mig is absolutely and categorically refusing to budge. If the lings want to come to Scotland, she says, that is fine, but she is never setting foot in that old warehouse again.
I had an Email from Mum, telling me all about it at great length. She says the central council should make Mig come home, but, as I told her, they cannot. Mig has taken herself out of the jurisdiction of England’s central council. Our council could make Ikey’s lot leave the colony if they consider them a danger, they could even send someone to escort them to their Mother, they are all still technically under age, but they cannot make the lings stay there and they cannot make Mig come home.
Mum told me, in the same Email, that Uncle Arf has not been well this last week and Aunt Kitty is worried about him. He is off his food and Uncle Arf loves his food and seems to be feeling the cold and showing his age at last. Poor Aunt Kitty, I hope Uncle Arf gets better, she would be devastated to lose him!
Well, once I was up to date with the family, I went back to see if I could do anything in the den. I could not. The door was closed and when I tried to open it I was politely but firmly asked to stay out of the way until I was called. Well, I do hope I know when I am not wanted! I came back here and nerdled about, trying to keep myself occupied, but I ended up just staring at the walls. What on earth is going on? If they are going to have all these secrets, as I said, why bring me here at all! I would hate being left at Merseyside, but I swear I could not feel more out of things than I do here!
Well, after a while they called me back in and I was hoping for a game, or some lap time, or something, but no! L said she was still not feeling well and went off to lay down. Brian was very busy working, so although I had the freedom of the den, I had absolutely nothing to do. There was any amount of things I could have done in the kitchen, but no no no no! That would never do! For one wild moment I contemplated just saying to the low country with it and going over there and cleaning up and washing the dishes. But I did not do it. I had been asked to stay away from there and in the end, these are my humans and I work for them and I do what they ask me.
Well, around about lunch time, L was up again. She got us all some lunch, although I could only nibble at my sandwich and then, would you believe it, she got dressed and, without so much as a please, thank you, see you later, goodbye, she went out. Without a word about where, or when she would be back! Brian just went on working. When I asked him about it he said, in his kind voice that he uses when training people, that it was L’s flat and that she had a perfect right to go out if she wanted to. Well, um yes, I know that! But she usually goes with Brian and she never just swans off without at least saying where she is going or when she is coming back!
So, I just sat here and worried for two hours and then back she came, with bags and bags and bags and bags! They were all tied at the top and looked terribly heavy! When I went to help her with them, she told me to go back, sit on the sofa and keep well out of the way.
Nothing else much has happened. L did invite me to a game of ping pong soon after she came back and you had better believe I was right there! I even won! Yay! Brian has been his usual friendly self all day, but every time I jump up to see if I can do anything to help, he is always catching hold of me and pulling me back, so that I do not go near the kitchen, or the closet when the door is open, or anything!
Well, we have just had L’s best effort at a dinner. I will not say anymore about that. I probably will survive it! Brian is having a choc ice. Very sensible of him. I think I might have one too. I am at the desk writing this while everything is being cleared away. I am itching to help. I wonder if I could use the hand from here. Hmmm, better not try it, I could break some of L’s prized Korell and then my life would not be worth living!
Ok, I think I am about finished for now. Tomorrow is my birthday, as if that mattered. I just get a year older and a few more grey hairs. I am not expecting anything much to happen. I might get some Emails from the family and some posts on my wall, but that is about it. At least I will be able to help in the Bear’s Lair, thank goodness. I have to do something, or I will die of boredom!
I hope you have all had a nice day. Thanks for reading, as ever, again, sorry for my grumps, I do hope they will go away soon. More tomorrow from Bert when he is a year older.
Smiles.
May 4
Hi, everyone. Oh just wow what a day! I cannot remember ever having a better day in my whole life! Ok, first thing I should say is I am full of food and I have had more than a few glasses of Zair, well, actually it’s perry, but it tastes very much like Dad’s Zair, so if my typing is not all that it ought to be, please forgive me. My sentence structure and grammar might suffer a bit too!
Well, today is my 33rd birthday, I was being coy about it, but to the low country with it, I might as well just come out and say! I have also found out today what all the secrecy has been about and why I have not been allowed near the kitchen all week and when I look back at what I have been saying, not to mention thinking, um, well, can I say worm? Creepy, crawly, slimy worm? Someone should probably squish me! How anyone could be so amazingly awesome, kind and thoughtful to me as Brian and L have been is more than I can fathom! Ok, before I get too sleepy, let me start at the beginning.
I went to bed last night feeling really sad, not to say a bit weepy, but I had had so many broken nights recently that I slept right through without any bad dreams. I woke up at six in the morning, my usual time, to find my bed covered and I do mean covered, with presents. Someone must have crept in at ridiculous O’clock while I was still spark out, to put them all there!
Well, I was just amazed! I did not know which one to open first! I soon began unwrapping and oh wow! I had some absolutely cool new summer clothes from my most favourite place from L and a fantastic pair of new trainers, I dread to think how much she must have spent, there was a load of stuff! And Brian’s present, that was the icing on the cake and also must have cost a bomb! I think I said I had been borrowing L’s little hard drive. I have to have a passport hard drive to go with Nia Netbook, because I am on the move so much. I had been trying to save up for one of my own, but well, saving up is not something I am good at. Anyway, in one of the parcels was a fantastic new passport hard drive, 1 TB! L’s is only eighty gigs! I can get so much stuff now and put it all on my new drive. The Amazon and Itunes stores had better watch out, not to mention Audible!
Well, by the time I had hung up all my new things and put my nice new trainers away and tried out my new hard drive, it was high time I was in the shower, in fact I was a bit late. When I was out of the bathroom, Brian and L were already up and L was starting to make breakfast. I had mine while I was booting up Nia and checking out my Facebook. My word! Loads of posts on my walls, both of them, from the family, of course, but also some lovely posts from my human friends, if one of them was you, thank you so so very much! I logged into Twitter and there were more lovely birthday wishes there too!
When I got back to my closet, I found two scrolls. One was from Babsy, wishing me happy birthday and the other was from Mella. Stars, I have to say, even though I was feeling so happy I shed a tear or two. It was such a lovely kind message. She said she was feeling more like herself and that she looked forward to seeing me on Sunday. Note to self, must. Ask. Brian if I can go!
I brought Nia Netbook back into the den and sat on the sofa between Brian and L, because I still had loads of birthday Emails to answer and lots of things to catch up on. It must have been about ten O’clock when I noticed Brian looking very pleased about something. I asked him what was up and he just smiled at me and said:
“You might want to check your web page, Bert.”
When I did, oh just wow! The first thing I noticed was that there is a picture of me there! Brian told me that all those important meetings, they were with an artist who had been commissioned to paint my portrait! It seems he, Scott Clark his name is, had managed to get some photographs of me when I was sitting in here on the floor and he had painted me from those, because I could not know about it. The exciting thing is, L says there are going to be other pictures on the site and that Scott is going to come back soon and paint me in my closet for the journal page!
Well, once I had got over that surprise, I had a look around to see what else was new. The first thing I noticed was that all my audio has now become a podcast, which is super cool, you can even find it in Itunes if you search for Bert’s Place! And then I saw how my journal had been redesigned so it is much easier to find what you want to read and I was just so pleased. All this must have taken hours of work, I am just so grateful! I hope everyone who visits my bit of the website likes all the changes.
I spent a happy rest of the morning, just pottering about on the web, chatting with my family and friends on Facebook and Twitter and generally enjoying myself. When I offered to make lunch though, L still would not let me go near the kitchen. I thought this was a bit strange, but was too happy to protest. It was soon time to get ready for the Bear’s Lair show and we were soon busy, but I could not do as much to help as I usually did, not being allowed near the kitchen.
We went on air at two and it was so cool, because all my favourite songs were coming on and people were sending me fabulous happy birthday tweets. But the biggest, hugest surprise happened at about twenty to four. L was just about to announce the final break when the doorbell rang. I went to see who was there, opened the door and oh just wow in a box! There were Mum, Dad, Tovey and Lina and a horde of my brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and various relations. In front, holding on to Lina’s hand, was little Millyanna, Mella’s youngest daughter. She was looking beautiful in a pretty pink party dress and in her hand she was holding the family Birthday Cup
Just to explain, at a lep birthday celebration, we do not sing happy birthday, nor is there a cake with candles. The celebration is started on the threshold of the cube of the birthday lep. His or her family gather outside and a ling holds the family Birthday Cup, into which every family member has placed a wish, a blessing for the lep’s home and a kiss. WE all use the helping hand to do this. When the lep whose birthday it is comes out of the cube, the ling with the cup sings a special song and pours out the blessing on the threshold, to bless the cube for the year ahead. Now, here were my family, there must have been upwards of fifty of them, standing outside L’s flat and Milly was holding the crystal Birthday cup. She sang the song to me, poured out the blessing in exactly the right place and when she had finished, everyone cheered.
I was so amazed I hardly knew what to say. L invited everyone inside and in they all swarmed, while we were still on air and the mic live and everything! I did the best I could, made a feeble joke about there being no food and what do you think? L told me there was loads and loads of food and the nearest to Zair she could get hold of! Just amazingness!
Well, we did the rest of the show and once that was done, L had to get her file uploaded and she told me to look in the fridge and in certain cupboards and get out the plates of things I would find there. Moon above me! No wonder I had not been allowed near the kitchen! One peep into a cupboard, or the fridge, would have given things away in no time! Before long I was heaping the table with piles of luscious salad vegetables, all cut into nice chunks and huge platters of cheeses, cut into pieces, mounds of crisp little crackers in all shapes, some sprinkled with seeds, some with sea salt and black pepper. There were piles of delicious fruit too, chunks of pineapple, melon and mango, strawberries, grapes, nectarines, blueberries, tangerines and plums. To top it all there were huge dishes of nuts, both the roasted and salted ones and in the shell. WE leps are mad on nuts and when I began bringing them to the table there was the most enormous cheer, because nuts are very much sought after and some of our lot had never seen some of these types of nut before. There were even trays and trays of monkey nuts, that is peanuts in the shell, ready for me to roast in the oven so that we could eat them hot.
By the time L and I had finished putting all the food on the table, you could not see one spare inch of wood and we had to use the kitchen counters to take up the slack, there were so many dishes and bowls and platters of things to eat. Everyone’s eyes were out on stalks, I do not think they had ever seen so many good things. While we had been busy with the food, Brian had been taking boxes of perry from the fridge, opening them and filling glasses. Dad began handing them around and soon the noise had diminished, because everyone was too busy eating and drinking to talk.
I swear, no one can eat like a horde of ravenous leps! Everyone fell on the food as if there had been famine in the colony for a year! But as fast as platters got emptied, more kept appearing out of cupboards and fridge. Eventually, people were at the nibbling stage, the glasses kept being refilled and everyone’s’ tongues were loosened. L had put on some wonderful music from the Old Country, if the Lair had not been so full I think some of them would have loved to dance, but there simply was not room. All this time I was having the most brilliant time of my life! I was going around, filling plates and glasses, chatting to all my family, making sure everyone had what they wanted, pulling trays of piping hot nuts from the oven and putting more in, the hot nuts would no sooner appear than they would be devoured with cries of joy, the leplings in particular loved them!
Well, I never wanted the party to end. And in fact, as I write this it is still going on, though the crowd has thinned a bit now, as some of the younger lings have been taken home by their parents. Mum and Dad are still here and Tovey, but Lina has gone home with Milly and her brothers and sister. It was just so great to see them! I must go back to the party, but I did so want to get this written down before I had too much Zair, or got too busy or tired to write.
I cannot end this without saying a huge, huge thank you. To Brian, who is just the best person to work for, the best friend, anyone could ever have. To L, who is so sweet and kind to me, I do not have words and if I did I probably had better keep them to myself, you do not need me to get all soppy on you. But when I think back over the past year, I cannot help but know how amazingly, awesomely lucky I am.
Ok, I am going to get all sentimental in a minute, that is more than enough! I need more food, more Zair and more party, I am off to get all three. I will write more tomorrow, maybe, if I am not too hung over! Hahaha! At this moment, there is no happier lep in the world! What a wonderful birthday I have had!
Big, big, huge smiles.
May 5
Hi, everyone! This really is only going to be a scribble, firstly because I do not have much to tell and secondly because I am quite tired, having had a busy day.
I have to confess, I was late waking up this morning and when I did I had rather a headache. The last party guests, Mum and Dad, did not go home until nearly twelve and by that time I had drunk quite a lot of Zair, or what we used for it. I did not want to go to bed until I had done a good bit of the washing up, as I could not face the thought of waking up to piles of dirty dishes. In fact, as the crowds had been thinning, I had been washing up and putting things away as we were going along. It did not stop me from being with the family, with the den being so open plan.
So, I showered, dressed, tidied my closet, booted up Nia Netbook to see what’s what and oh my! Mig was on Facebook, gobbling with fury like a half-plucked turkey! Apparently our council, I mean to say our colony council had written to her, saying that her leplings were endangering the colony and it was strongly suggested that she come home to her proper place and look after her family. They say that she cannot force the over thirteens to leave London, it is the place of their birth and if she will not come home willingly, they will take it up with the Central council and see if they will send representatives to the Scottish Central Council! If they tell Mig to go home, she’ll have to go, lickety-split! Mig says, rather melodramatically, that she would rather die than go back to London and she is pleading with Ikey and the others to come to her shed. Ikey absolutely refuses and the others are undecided. I think if Lella goes the others might, but apples will grow on lamp posts before Ikey will leave London and his idiot Father! Oh well. I suppose Tommo should be proud to have a son that loyal to him, I just do so wish Ikey did not think it was a good thing to imitate his Dad’s stupid behaviour!
Well, I checked my human Facebook and the mail, not too much doing, everyone thanking me for the party, hey, it was not my doing! I cannot believe Brian and L being so sneaky, asking me a couple of weeks back, it must have been, if leps could interact with humans and what the rules were. It was when I was talking to them about Andi and Gordy. After they found out that interaction had to be permitted by them, as my humans, but if permission was given it was all ok, they did a bit of checking. Because I have a mailbox on the hartgen.org domain, of course I know that Brian could, if he wanted to, look at my Email. I know under normal circumstances he never does and never would. In this case, I found out a little bit of an exception had been made. They had found my Mum’s Email address, she’s the person who writes to me most often and had Emailed her, I bet she got a shock! L had set the whole party surprise up with her help. Mum had done everything from the lep end, so that no further lep human contact was needed until the party itself. L had set everything up from this end, got food and drink ready and kept a very grumpy and unsettled and snarly old lep from finding out what he was not supposed to, of course, Brian helped a lot as well, especially with that last bit.
Anyway, I had a flood of mails from my family, thanking me and Brian and L too, for the party, so it was well late by the time I had caught up and got out into the den. Oh my oh me, no, I think that is the wrong way around, oh well, cannot be bothered to change it. What a mess! Still lots of washing up and nutshells in heaps and piles everywhere! WE had put bins in strategic places, but you cannot really expect fifty uproarious leps to be decorous and put things into bins. I had my work cut out, I could see and, strangely, I did not mind a bit. There are few things I enjoy more than giving a place I am fond of a really good bottoming!
Brian was at his desk, midway through his morning catch up and L was on the sofa and I could see right away that she was not well. I just got out my broom, mop, dustpan and brush and whatever else I needed and got to work, I really had to clear the decks a little before I could get any breakfast.
Well, I soon had the worst of the mess cleared up and had made Brian and myself food and had brought L Actimel and coffee, she never wants to eat when she is not well. I was going on with the cleaning, when I noticed Brian had gone off to get ready. I thought no more of it and just went on putting things to rights. I was midway through sluicing down the kitchen counters, they really had got terrible since I had been allowed near them, when Brian called me. He asked me to get changed into something a bit smarter, as we were going out shopping.
Now, I am ashamed to say, this did not put me into the best of tempers. There I was in old tracksuit bottoms and a tee-shirt and a pair of slippers, perfectly comfortable and happy, cleaning to my heart’s content and now I was being asked to change into my good clothes and go supermarket shopping. I knew what that meant! I would have to play cute albeit very quiet toddler and probably sit in the baby seat in the shopping trolley and if I was really unlucky, I might even get my head patted!
Well, I went to get changed, not without a grumble and a snarl or two on Twitter. I really should have been nicer about it, after the lovely birthday I had yesterday. When I was ready we were picked up and taken in a taxi to the supermarket. It was still early, but already it was starting to get busy. I did have to go in the baby seat, it is easier for me to whisper to Brian that way and help him with what he needs, but while we were going around the shop I had my phone out and was keeping up to date on my Twitter, just in case L should tweet or send me a DM. I heard one lady say to another how disgusting it was that a child of my age had his own iPhone and that children were getting far too spoilt nowadays. I had to laugh, I could not help it.
Well, we got through the checkout with me only having my head patted once and into the taxi, the driver was a very nice lady, I liked her and although I could not talk I gave her some of my nicest smiles. Brian told me afterwards that he recognized her, she used to take us to the stations a lot on Sundays, when we had to leave here on Sunday afternoons.
When we got back home I put the shopping away and then went back to my cleaning. All this time I could see that L was feeling worse and worse and after we had all had some lunch, she had to go to bed. So Brian and I have spent the rest of the day looking after her. Brian has immersed himself in work for the website, going in to see L every half an hour. I have gone over this place with a fine tooth comb until it now shines like a new pin, if there is one speck of dust anywhere here I will eat my new trainers! I went in to see L frequently too and carried in anything she needed, as well as setting her Stream book player up for her.
Not much has happened this evening, except that I did finally ask Brian if I could go to the healing gardens tomorrow and he said of course I could, so it is an early start for me. I am not on official leave, luckily, so I do not have to leave at dawn, thank heaven! But I do want to spend as much time with my dear Mella as I am allowed to and so I will leave as soon after breakfast as I can.
Well, I always say you will get a scribble and end up writing a tome. That is all for today. I will try and write more tomorrow, depending on what time I get back from the old country. I hope you have all had a nice day. Welcome to my new Twitter and Facebook friends and thanks, as ever for reading.
Smiles.
May 7
Hi, Everyone. Sorry about no journal entry yesterday, it was gone ten when I got back and I was exhausted, so I just had a glass of wine with Brian and L, which I sorely needed and then crashed into bed and slept like a log. I will tell you about what has happened today in a while, because there is some news, but I will start with yesterday.
I was up yesterday morning at my usual time. I showered and dressed, made the bed and tidied my room, then logged on to the family Facebook account. Moon above! Shock horror drama! Lella and little AnniLaura, that’s the youngest of the lings who had stayed behind, had decamped during the night and were safely in Scotland with their mother. Mig was online, raging at Ikey, who was also there, about the state they had turned up in. Apparently they had all lost visible weight and the state of their clothes was giving Mig fits. Mig was insisting that Ikey and the other two boys come to Scotland immediately, but Ikey was not having it. Apparently the two younger boys wanted to go, but Ikey was insisting that they all had to stay near their Father. Mum joined the chat and tried to help, I also tried, but when I had to leave to get breakfast, nothing had been decided.
I came out into the den to find Brian and L already there and I hurried to get the breakfast ready. I cooked sausages and bacon for Brian, pancakes for L and myself and made coffee for us all. After we had finished and I had cleared away, I decided I would spend a little time relaxing and catching up on my human Facebook and Twitter. Once that was done, it was time to leave.
I arrived at the colony to find Derry by the outer doors, champing at the bit to be off. I hardly had time to draw breath before he had grabbed my arm, ready to take me to the Gardens. Before I talk more about what happened at the Healing Gardens, I need to tell you a little about them.
The Healing Gardens are in The Old Country, that much we know, but exactly where they are is a very closely guarded secret. They are safeguarded by strong magic. We do not use that word often, as you will, by now, have come to realize. Most of us use what we call the helping hand. It is, of course, a form of magic, but there are limits, rules governing it. It can only be used to do certain things. In The Old Country, it is a little different. There are certain families of leps who have the real, old magic. These families live in our most sacred places and help to keep them from prying human eyes. The Healing Gardens is one of these places. Shana-Sherin is, of course, another. There are more, but I do not really want to go into what they are, unless I should ever need to.
Anyway, the Healing Gardens is a very magical place, it needs to be really. You cannot be told, or shown where it is, you have to be taken there by one who knows. You will realize, of course, that part of zapping is visualizing where you need to be. If you have never been to a place and do not know where it is, this causes a problem. Sometimes one of us can “Show” Another where a place is, it is a kind of telepathy, like Emailing a map, only a lot faster! Smile. But you cannot do that with the Gardens. So, Derry must have been taken there on his first visit and now, he would have to take me. I hope that is clear and not too long-winded!
As soon as my feet touched the ground in that wonderful place, I could feel how different things were. There was so much to take in that, for a few moments, I did nothing but stand still, look all around me, breathe in great gulps of the air and, according to Derry, look totally awestruck and amazed and why not, indeed!
For one thing, London had been cool cloudy and grey, with a hint of fine drizzle in the air. We arrived in the gardens, to a warm, bright, sunny day. It was not too hot, but the sun shone down from a bright blue sky, with a few fluffy white clouds floating over now and then. There was a lovely breeze, on which were wafted many delicious smells.
We had zapped in a wide, green meadow. The grass was short and greener than I have ever seen grass outside The Old Country. Growing in the grass in great thick patches and clumps were wild flowers. Some, like daisies, buttercups, dandelions and clover, I was familiar with. Others I had only seen in picture books of high pastures In alpine mountains. The air was full of the smell of the grass and of flowers and a beautiful chorus of birdsong.
“Come on,” said Derry, “We go this way.” And he led me across the meadow, towards a gate, set in a high hedge. Once through the gate we found ourselves on a path, leading between the walls of gardens. The smell of growing herbs was all around us here. I looked over the low walls and saw every conceivable herb, growing in neat beds in the little gardens. There were also cultivated flowers, blooming in neat rows and more, growing, coming into leaf and bud. Further down there were kitchen gardens with rows and rows of vegetables planted in them, the smell of them made my mouth water, I can tell you! Further still there were whole areas given over to bushes and shrubs, all planted neatly in rows, it looked rather like a human nursery I saw once, only no human ever grew plants like these and I noticed something else. Things were blooming or were ready to be picked that had no right to be ready in May.
We had seen leps at work in many of the gardens, but no one had spoken to us. As we walked through an orchard where a whole bunch of them were picking apples I could not help looking at them. They were all dressed in the same simple robes, made from a soft cloth which was not green and not grey, but a little of both. They all wore girdles which looked as if they were made of either leaves or flowers, in several different colours. On their heads were hoods of the same greenish grey cloth, which shaded their faces and the fems wore, over the hood, a floaty veil which fell down over their shoulders and floated out behind them when they moved, it was white, I thought fancifully to myself it looked rather like a piece of cloud.
At last I saw buildings, low and white, like the ones at Shana-Sherin, but not near so many and set in a neat square around a beautiful garden where a fountain played. Derry explained to me that visitors were seldom allowed here and all had to zap in or out a good way away from the buildings, so as not to upset the patients here.
Derry led me up to the largest building, through an archway into a low, cool entrance hall, where there was no one about. Derry did not seem worried, however. He went to a table, picked up a bell and rang it. It did not make very much noise, in fact the whole place was eerily quiet. I thought no one could possibly hear, but in about half a minute, a lep fem with a girdle of pink flowers and a beautiful, serene face seemed to glide up to us from nowhere in particular.
“Good morning, Sister Azalea,” said Derry. “I’ve come to see my wife and I’ve brought her brother, Bertalius, as we arranged.”
Sister Azalea gave me a swift but thorough up and down inspection and then a warm, sweet smile.
“Welcome to the healing gardens, Bertalius,” she said. “Amarella is waiting for you in the orange blossom garden.”
We walked through the building and out of another door, into the garden where the fountain was. There were leps sitting there in long chairs, enjoying the sun. They were obviously patients. Derry told me to keep quiet and not disturb them. WE left that garden and walked through a maze of paths, past many beautiful gardens planted with more gorgeous plants, trees and shrubs than I have time to describe, all made especially for patients to sit in if they wanted to. They all had seats of some kind in them, garden benches, or comfortable looking swing seats, or shady arbors with long cushioned seats in them, or comfortable hammocks so that you could lie and swing In the sun, or the shade. There were streams and pools here and there, the water sounded lovely as you went by.
The Orange blossom garden was tiny and secluded. It was surrounded by high walls and entered by a gate. The sky seemed bluer here and the sun hotter. The garden was full of orange trees in full flower and the scent of the blossom was heady on the still air, there was no breeze here.
In the centre of the garden was a round pond, it looked deliciously cool in the breathless heat. There was a fountain in the shape of a Mermaid, playing into it. In a long chair beside the fountain sat Mella. She looked thin, white and frail and I could not fail to notice that she was heavily bandaged all around her middle, the lines showing clearly under the simple white gown all the patients wore.
I hung back for a while and let Derry go to her first, in fact when I saw the look on his face as he went towards her it was almost too much for me and I had to be very interested in the fountain for a while. I just cannot bear what has happened to two people who mean so much to me. Ouch! I had better not think about that one too much!
Then I heard Mella saying: “Stars, Bert, you come all this way and ain’t you even got a hug for me?” and I turned and she was holding out her arms, with that same sweet Mella smile. I think I will just skim over the next few minutes. Everyone knows I am a wimp, there is no need to labour the point! Smile.
bb
After that Derry and I sat down in long chairs beside Mella and we told her all the family news and all about my party, which she was mad to have missed. When she is better, I mean really one hundred per cent, I am going to ask Brian and L if we can have another party, especially for Mella, maybe at Christmas. I told Mella about Andi and Gordy and how they are going to run away to the Merseyside tomb and she seemed really happy about that.
When we had finished our news we had to be quiet for a while, she gets tired very easily and she had a little doze, while Derry and I just soaked up the sun and the lovely peaceful atmosphere. Mella was woken up by an elderly lep with a drink on a tray. I was annoyed, he could see she was asleep, but he would keep tapping her arm until she woke up.
“Come along, young one,” he said testily, when she finally opened her eyes, “Sleep and sun will do you good, but this is even better.”
The drink looked delicious, cool and pale green, with ice floating in it, but Mella wrinkled her nose and gulped it down with a pursed mouth and a crinkled face. I gather it was a healing draught of some kind and those never taste nice! When the old lep had gone grumbling away, Derry asked her how she was getting on.
“Oh, I’m doing a bit better every day.” She tried to smile, but her eyes filled with tears. “Only thing is, they don’t think I can ever have no more younglings. They done what they can, but that thing done too much damage.”
Derry fell on his knees beside the chair and put his arms around her and I just wanted to disappear, right there and then. I could hear a big bell tolling in my head it kept saying, your fault! Your fault!
“It’s ok, Mel,” Derry said, “It’s going to be ok. We got five lings, they’re all fine. You just got to get better and come home, that’s what we got to think about now.”
I just stood there, feeling stupid, guilty and uncomfortable. Suddenly Mella looked straight at me.
“What’s up with you then, Bert?” she said. “You look like you been stealing Mum’s daisy cakes and got caught at it!”
I had a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat and all I could get out was: “It’s my fault!”
Derry and Mella looked at me as if I was talking Chinese. “What in the name of green stars?” Mella said and then comprehension dawned on her face and she suddenly looked angry, of all things.
“Bert, for moon’s sake!” she said. “did you throw that snake at me? Did you freeze me twenty years ago and zblert me up so bad I couldn’t never produce younglings proper? Did you scare someone so bad they had to keep away from their own family for twenty Zlanny years?”
I stared at Mella in amazement. I had never in my life heard her use language like that!
“no.” I whispered. “But if I had told someone twenty years ago…”
“If you had,” she interrupted, “Then she’d have got Mum, or Dad, or Me, or all of us and you wouldn’t have been able to do nothing to stop her. You did everything you could to keep us all safe, don’t you think we know that? Look, I wanted a big family, I know I always did, but if it hadn’t a’ been for you I wouldn’t have had nothing probably. I’d probably be dead, or so bad hurt I couldn’t have had nothing or no one. I got Derry, I got five beautiful lings. They say I’m going to get over this thing and they never said I definitely couldn’t have no more lings, they said it wasn’t likely. Bert, I’ve been lucky and I thank the hand for it every day and it’s all down to you! So if you’re going around thinking everything’s your fault, I’m going to write to that fancy school and tell ‘em to take all your medals away, cos you’re an idiot!”
Stars! I felt as if a huge, huge weight had been taken off me. I think there is a part of me which will always blame myself for what happened, but if Mella does not blame me, that makes things a whole lot easier! After that the day was just lovely. We stayed with Mella in the garden, talking quietly to her when she was awake, just staying and being with her while she slept. At lunchtime a pretty lep fem brought us a tray of salad vegetables, fruit and a jug of spring water. It was just so delicious I cannot tell you.
In the late afternoon, when it grew cooler, we took a little walk, Derry on one side of Mella, me on the other. We left the Orange Blossom garden and went into a much cooler one, filled with sweet summer herbs growing wild, including a riot of water mint at the edge of a pool large enough for us to bathe in. Derry and I were boiling and went in like a pair of fishes, swimming and floating about and having a fantastic time. Poor Mella had to sit on a floating chair in the water and dangle her feet and legs to get cool, because of her bandages.
Just as we were all dry and dressed, a little lep fem with a merry smile appeared out of nowhere. She told us that it was time for the evening meal and we were welcome to stay. She had come to take Mella back, but that we must walk.
“Aw, can’t we go back with you too, sister Peony,” said Derry, taking hold of the sister’s girdle of crimson flowers, “You know you like me!”
The sister shook him off and vanished, taking Mella with her and we were left to trudge all the way back to the buildings and I must say, we were hot, tired and thirsty when we got there and hungry as foragers too.
Derry showed me into a long, wood-paneled hall, full of long tables, lined with leps, standing behind the benches, or sitting in chairs if they were too frail to stand. The healers were mixed in among the patients, you could easily see which were which. The tables were laden with tureens of steaming vegetable soup, round loaves of crusty bread, slabs of yellow cheese, huge pyramids of fresh salad on enormous platters, more pyramids of luscious fruit and each table had, as its centerpiece a huge cake, a rich, moist, dark fruit cake, the smell of which made my mouth water!
We all waited in silence behind our seats and then in walked a small procession. It was headed by two very very elderly lep fems. They were unusually tall for leps and they were quite the most beautiful fems I have ever seen. Their faces were full of peace and serenity and their eyes! They both had unusual blue green eyes, the colour of calm water and they shone as if they had starlight in them. I have seen some amazing leps during my time at Shana-Sherin, but I never ever saw such peace and certainty and, well, love shining out of two pairs of eyes. Both the fems wore robes of the same green grey colour, but you could tell by the hang of them and the sound as they moved, that the robes were of silk. Their girdles were made of gold flowers and their veils were white net lace. Each had a single tiny jewel on her left shoulder, it is hard to describe, I can only say no diamond was ever so clear, or reflected in so so many colours.
“Who are they?” I whispered to Derry.
“The oldest surviving members of the healing family.” He told me. “Mother May Rose and Mother Madonna Lily.”
There were eight other leps and lep fems behind them and they all sat at a small table by themselves. When they had reached it, one of the elderly fems turned towards the room and looked at us and then up to the sky.
“May the stars that guard this place help us, heal us, protect us, guide us. Bless the food we eat and the work we do and keep us safe to go on serving them.” She said.
After that, everyone sat down and fell too with a will. Some of the healers had to help the frailer patients, there were some leplings there, including, I saw, little Danic. He was being a bit fretful, so when I had gulped a bowl of soup and a big slice of cake, I went over to see if I could help. Because of what Danic has wrong with him, it is not good for him to cry and get upset, because it makes him breathless. I remembered a human game L had told me she played with her baby sister and tried it on Danic and before long he had stopped fretting, started giggling and we got his soup into him in the end.
I finished my dinner while helping Danic with his and the food was really wonderful indeed! That cake! Stars, I wish you could get cake like that here! After we had eaten we had to say goodbye to Mella and leave, because everyone was getting ready to go to bed. I promised to come back and see her again when I could and she gave me a big hug and a kiss.
I could have gone straight back to L’s from there, but I decided not to. It was not late and I decided I would go home for a few hours. So I went back to the colony with Derry. I popped in on Tovey and Lina and had a romp with their lings and helped put them to bed. Then I went over to Mum and Dad’s. I was not sure if they would still be up, but apparently they had been told that I was in the colony and they were waiting for me. I was soon ensconced in my favourite swinging chair, Dad had his Zair barrel out, Mum had, coincidentally, baked a batch of daisy cakes and we were having a good natter. Stars, it is so lovely to actually be a part of the family again, not just get everything secondhand!
Well, it was past ten by the time I got back and my word, I was tired! It had been a very long day and I felt pretty emotionally wrung out. Brian and L were having some wine and even though I did not know how good an idea it was to mix wine and Zair I decided to risk it and snuggled on to the sofa between them for a glass. After that I headed for my closet and did the yawn, crumple, snore thing to great effect!
When I woke up this morning, there on my pillow was the usual little Monday morning scroll, tied in pink ribbon. I am getting to really look forward to these.
“Dear Uncle Bert.”
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a bad report this week.”
“Uncle Bert this place is awful I hates it I aint never going to be able to do nothing with humans I can’t do me lessons I gets everything wrong and can’t never get me work in on time and me gravy is all lumpy and Blissa keeps on laughing at me so I punched her in the face and Madam M set me lines and I wrote to Mum cos I wants to come home only they wouldn’t pass the letter they is a bunch of old pigs.
“May the sun shine on you always and the helping hand keep you from harm.”
“Your affectionate niece.”
“Barbriella Nilena.”
Oh dear oh dear oh dear! How well I remember those weeks when nothing I did seemed to go right! I have written back to her, comforting her as best I can, poor little mite! When I had finished laughing over the scroll, I got up, showered, dressed, made the bed and tidied up, groaning all the wile at my headache, which I deserved. Remind me not to mix wine and Zair again!
I logged on to the family Facebook, to find the two younger of Mig’s London boys have now gone to Scotland, so Ikey is all alone in that cube, with no idea how to take care of it or himself. Ikey is furious, but there is nothing he can do. Mig is very happy to have most of her family with her now and Lella and Anni and the boys are much happier, so she says.
Auntie Kitty was on line today, that does not happen often. She was in a very good mood. Apparently, Uncle Arf demanded a huge breakfast this morning and chased her all over the cube, so there is not much wrong with him anymore! Giggling here. I got an Email from Hinky today. Apparently, Tealy is flying out to see him and about time too! It is not like she has to save up for Airfare, for stars’ sake! I will be so so glad to have her off my hands!
Well, I went into the den, once I was caught up and got breakfast for us all, then I brought Nia Netbook in here to do my human Facebook. Found out L has a new iPhone game, Smack Me it is called. It is totally brilliant, I love it! She taught me how to play, it does have a two-player mode, so we had a game and she won, but I will win next time, you wait and see!
After that, I began work on this entry. I stopped to make us lunch and then came back to it and here I have been ever since. Brian is working on Jaws scripting, L is reading, I am writing, it is a lovely, quiet, companionable way to be.
And there! It has taken a while, but you are now up to date. Sorry this has been a long one, you will probably get scribbles for the rest of the week, as I am expecting a very quiet one.
Welcome to new friends on Facebook. I hope you have had a nice couple of days and thanks, as ever, for reading. I will see you tomorrow, or whenever. Big smiles.
May 9
Hi, everyone. Not too much new, but I thought I would just drop a few lines in here and let you know I am still alive and kicking. Actually, having said that, yesterday I was not all that sure that I was still alive! I told you to remind me never to drink wine again! Well, I have been forgetting that rule lately and Monday night I forgot it big style!
Well, it happened like this. I was really really tired after putting up that humungus journal entry and it was getting on for dinner time by the time I was finished with it. I said to Brian and L that I would make a start on dinner, but L said no, we were getting take out. To explain, there are a couple of places we could buy our take out from, given that Brian detests Chinese or Indian food, one being a pizza place and the other being the place we patronize, a Kebab house, which sells all kinds of other things too: pizzas, burgers, fried chicken, as well as lots of different kinds of mouthwatering Kebabs.
This time L was doing the ordering and asked me what I would like. I was too tired to decide, so she asked if I would like to try some spicy chicken wings, as I do not have the same aversion to spicy things as my employer does, although I do have the same aversion to pasta! Nasty slimy stuff! Actually this is a shame, because I know L loves it and I would dearly like to make it for her and I, but I just cannot stand the sight of it! Anyway, as usual I digress! New paragraph and try to stick to the point, Bert!
I decided to try the wings, because L was having them and, well, I do not think I will write the next bit to spare my blushes, you can guess, ok? Well, the food came and my onion rings and chips were their usual delicious self and then I plunged into my wings. Now, they really were delicious, but I have to say they were a teensy bit hot for me! In fact they made my eyes water and I had to go and get a huge glass of water from the cooler. Brian thought it was funny and even L was giggling, most unfair! That will teach me to try and be a copy cat!
Well, I ended up having a raging thirst all evening. When Brian and L got out the wine and asked if I wanted some, I was right there! Actually it was a lovely evening, we had music playing, I was snuggled in my favourite place on the sofa between the two of them, we were all singing our faces off, as L says, before the end of the evening and I must say I rolled rather than walked to my closet and flopped into bed.
The next morning I was awoken by L, putting black coffee and pain meds on my bedside table and oh my stars! When I opened my eyes I wished I had never been born! I felt so truly, madly, deeply awful all day that I never even booted up Nia Netbook! I stayed in bed until the worst was over, then I crawled into the den and curled up by L on the sofa like a limp little rag doll. That is really all I can tell you about yesterday. L was in much the same state for a lot of the day, so I did not feel so bad. The silly thing is, we did not have more than two big glasses each, but what with my small size and her bad Migraines, it does not do us much good. But it was a totally brilliant evening, so I suppose one day of feeling yukky was not too high a price to pay for it.
Today I am back to my normal cheerful self and I have had a truly gorgeous day! I awoke at my usual time and hurried to get in the shower, as I knew it was going to be an early start for Brian and L, what with Brian being away for the day. I got dressed, made the bed and tidied up, but left Nia Netbook alone so that I could get into the den. I had some pancakes mixed by the time L came in yawning. I know she likes to make breakfast for Brian on his work mornings and pack his lunch, but when she has done that she usually just has Actimel and coffee. Usually there is nothing I can do about it, because I have to leave too, but not today, oh no! Today I had been given permission to stay here, as it was only a day long job Brian was going on. Just yay!
Well, L did her usual Tuppence a Bag trick in the kitchen and I did not say a word, I felt very virtuous! Giggling here. When Brian had his breakfast and his lunch box was on his desk, I elbowed L out of the way, well, as much as a person my size can and got busy making her pancakes, Actimel and coffee and some for myself while I was at it!
When Brian had left for work I booted up Nia Netbook and brought her into the den here. I jumped up on the sofa by L. She was on an IPhone games fix, so she played Papa Sangre while I caught up on things.
Well, do you want to hear the latest in the Ikey saga? I am going to tell you anyway! Giggling. I do not know if I ever told you, but Ikey is sixteen and therefore Marrilan, old enough to be married. He had obviously given this problem of no mother at home and no sisters and the fact that he cannot do a thing for himself some thought. And do you know what that young ninny did? He only went over to veriana alixina’s cube and asked her! To marry him!
Oh, of course, you would not know! Veriana is one of the few fems in our colony who never married. She is not exactly old – about fifty I think, but she would never have Ikey, nor anyone! She got jilted by old moley rofardan they say and it put her off marriage for life! Moley married Veriana’s best friend and they had more lings than Mum did and Veriana never forgave either of them! Veriana makes soup and cakes and stuff for poor families who cannot look after themselves properly. She is one of the best foragers there is, Dad says. I suppose that is why Ikey thought she might maybe take pity on him!
Anyway, when I logged on to Facebook this morning, everyone was talking about it. Mig is absolutely mortified and everyone else was just killing themselves laughing to think of young Ikey going to Veriana’s cube and asking her straight out. Apparently she bashed him over the head with a saucepan for his cheek and chased him for yards down the thoroughfare! Oh stars, what a joke!
In other news, Mig says Lella and Anni and the boys are fine, now they are with her and have enough to eat and she has sewn up all the holes in their socks and the tears in their clothes. They miss London, but they will get used to their new place in time, I should think. I had an Email from Tovey today. He says Lina is doing too much, trying to look after Mella’s lings as well as her own and he is worried about her, with the new youngling on the way and everything. He asked if I could have a talk to her. Stars in a pool! He is her husband, for moons’ sake! What does everyone think I am around here anyway? Just because I work with a human, I am not a universal problem solver! Stars! I do so wish Mella could get better, I miss her so much!
Well, as soon as I was up to date on all the family drama, L and I just spent the rest of the day together. I had to hide when the cleaner came, but apart from that, we have just had the best ever day. I am really getting the hang of this new game Smack Me now, it is brilliant. I like it even better than Ping Pong.
When Brian came home I went to my closet for a while, checked my mail and pottered about, but there was nothing much new. I have just made us a nice dinner and now we are all clicking on our computers. L is playing solitaire and losing, if the words I am hearing are anything to go by. She just brought us all a Champagne truffle from the box Brian gave her. Yummers! Brian is doing Jaws scripting. I am doing this. I really love these cosy, companionable evenings.
And there you are, all up to date again. Welcome to a new Twitter follower I got today. I hope you have all had a good couple of days. Thanks, as ever, for reading. I will write again soon.
Big smiles.
May 10
Hi, Everyone. Well, this will only be a scribble, as it has been a very quiet day here, but I have a juicy little nugget of family news to tell you, so I thought I would write.
I went off to bed early last night, as I knew we had an early start and sure enough, it was five O’clock before I knew where I was! I jumped up and headed for the shower while Brian and L got their computers booted up and checked their mail and what have you.
By the time they were done and Brian was wanting to get ready, I had Nia Netbook all ready to boot up and was sitting on the sofa beside L and had soon logged into the family Facebook account. I found the family in a proper buzz and flutter!
Apparently, Mum had decided to take pity on young Ikey last night and so had made an extra casserole of roots and wild greens for his dinner and a slice of her crab apple cake as well! She had it in her basket and carried it around to his cube, only he was not there. Well, at first Mum was not too worried, she thought he must be having dinner with one of the others, maybe Tovey and Lina, or maybe over at Tuli and Shay’s. She went everywhere she could think of, looking for him, nobody had seen hide nor hair of him!
By this time Dad had joined Mum and they began asking the neighbours if anyone had seen Ikey. They got no joy until a tiny ling, about four or five, said he’d gone to old bossy’s place with flowers! Well, we could hardly believe it, of course, we all knew who the ling meant. Veriana is one of the bossiest fems in the colony, she always tells everyone what to do, whether they have asked her advice or not!
Well, Mum went down to Veriana’s cube, she lives right down the other end from us and what do you think? There was Ikey, as cool as you please, sitting at the table opposite Veriana, the table positively groaning under the weight of a huge carrot, onion and potato hot pot and a big loaf of nut bread. There was even a pat of butter, where she had stolen that from I cannot guess, we hardly ever see butter in the colony, it is rarer than gold dust! Mum said there was a big rose cake too and Ikey was sitting there with a grin all over his face, shoveling in food for all he was worth and Veriana was just sitting there watching him with a kind of secret smile on her face.
Well, Mum could not say too much, the boy is Marrilan, but she wanted to leave the things she had brought, in case Ikey wanted them for tomorrow.
“That’s all right, LilyBella,” Veriana said. “Take those stewed roots home to Alfie, I daresay He! Likes them. I’ll see to Ikey.”
Mum was so amazed she could find nothing to say. She just walked home with her full basket and this morning it is all over Facebook. What on earth is going on, I wonder? Is old Veriana going to marry the boy? Or is she just treating Ikey as one of her charity cases? Surely a bunch of earwiggy flowers could not have swayed her. Perhaps she is tired of being alone and thinks a sixteen-year-old boy will do nicely for a husband, he can, she may think, surely be molded into shape by her. If she thinks that she certainly thinks wrong! Ikey has a will of his own! Ah well, I suppose time will tell, but it certainly has put a spring in the family’s step and a smile on everyone’s face except Mum’s, she’s worrying as usual!
Once I had caught up on the news I looked around to see what needed doing. Not much, was the answer. L was doing breakfast for Brian and packing up his lunch. Once that was done I offered to make her some pancakes but she was not feeling particularly well, so declined in favour of Actimel and coffee. I had the same, adding a couple of pieces of toast.
Once Brian had gone off to work I thought we would maybe have another lovely cosy day of playing games and such, but L had to go and lay down, so I amused myself as best I could. I had quite a long Skype conversation with Tovey and Lina, which was rather good. I also did quite a good amount of housework and tidying up, which I enjoyed.
At about lunch time L got up, showered and got ready to go out, only this time she told me where. She was going to her Grandma’s for tea, as she would be each Thursday afternoon from now on. Stars, I do wish I could have gone too! L says that her Grandma always asks what I have been up to and has seen my picture. Wouldn’t I just love to go there for tea and cakes and talk to her and tell her all about myself and my family!
Oh well, after L had gone I was about to get down to giving the flat a seriously good bottoming, when there was a key in the door and Brian came in, so that was that plan coal-boxed, as L might say. Brian was busy working, so I had to go back to the closet and find ways to amuse myself again, which I did on Facebook, where gossip is still rampant. Apparently, Ikey went to old Nealy the barber this morning and had his hair cut and got shaved! Ikey has been cultivating his scruffy little beard and growing his hair for as long as I remember! Now his curls are shorter than mine and his face is as smoother! Oh and another thing. He took all his clothes over to Mum’s this morning and asked her to mend them for him. Honestly, the cheek! AS if Mum has time, with everything that she has to do! But I suppose she will make time, being the wonderful Mum and Grandma that she is. But everyone is talking about this and a lot of people think this whole thing is terribly funny and even I cannot help smiling a little.
L came back at about four and the rest of the day has been uneventful. Brian worked until five and L was also working, because it is Lair day tomorrow, woohoo! I am looking forward to helping with that as usual. Now we are about to have a drink of some kind, so I will finish for now.
I hope you have all had a good day. Thanks, as ever for reading and I will write again soon.
Big smiles.
May 16
Hi, everyone. Well, don’t all die of surprise! I do not think I have ever left my journal six whole days since I started writing it, though I could be wrong, but I have had rather a busy few days, what with shows to help with and then Brian getting ill and of course, everlasting family drama. Let me see if I can catch you up before Christmas!
Friday started in the usual way, I went through my morning routine. When I logged on to Facebook the whole family was still buzzing about Ikey and Veriana. Apparently she had been over to Ikey’s cube and scrubbed it from top to bottom and there was a new curtain up and sundry other comforts the cube definitely did not have before. Very suggestive we all thought. Derry wrote to me to ask if I could come to see Mella again on Sunday and I said that this would probably be ok, I would have to ask, of course, but Brian does not really need too much help from me to do the Music Machine these days and what help he does need I can give him on Saturday. I said I would let him know for sure, but that I did not see a problem.
Tuli was on Facebook, fussing about PattiAnne, who apparently is unwell, Tuli thinks it is a touch of pollution sickness. Jockie is treating it, but we all told her not to let that get out of hand. I had an Email from Andi. Again. They are definitely absolutely coming over next weekend, absolutely definitely. Yes, I will believe it when I see it!
By the time I had everything caught up it was time for breakfast. We had our breakfast all together and then Brian and L worked while I did my human Facebook and generally pottered about.
After I had made us some lunch it was time to get ready for The Bear’s Lair. Stars, L and I nearly had an argument on air, she is so cheeky to me! But it was a nice show, I enjoyed it. After it was over I helped clear up and we all had our usual nice evening together.
Saturday morning started much the same. Same morning routine, family gossip about Ikey and Veriana, same breakfast, I spent the morning playing Smack Me with L and then sitting between Brian and L while they worked and later on I went to the closet to watch a film so they could have some time alone. That evening we all did Down for Double. Actually you did not hear me, because I was very good and quiet, but I was there, just helping find things and bring them drinks during the breaks. It was a great show, we all enjoyed it.
Sunday morning I was up quite early, before six. I came on to Facebook to a great big fuss and bother. Ikey had been out all night. Mum had spotted him sneaking home to his cube about half an hour before I logged on and he would not say where he had been. Honestly that boy! Mum thinks he was over at Veriana’s, but he cannot have been, you know, it would have caused an awful scandal if any of the neighbours had seen, which they would hardly have failed to and anyway, Veriana is a traditionalist if ever there was one. I think he was out all night with his rowdy gang of mates, drinking bad Zair and, well, you will see in due time.
Well, once I had caught up, I got breakfast laid, but I could not stay to make it, I wanted to get off home so that we could get to the Old Country for the longest time possible. I did not strictly have to go with Derry this time, but we both agreed it was nicer going together, so I stayed long enough to say good morning to Brian, when he sleepily emerged and to tell him I would be back before ten if I could and off I zapped to London.
I had to go and look for Derry this time. He was in his cube, trying to get his five smallish lings ready to take over to Lina’s for the day. My stars! I shall be having a word with Mum about that cube, it is a perfect bear pit. Derry is doing his best, but he could certainly do with more help than he is getting!
Well, I set to and helped him with the lings, I have to say, I am not usually a great one for lings, but you cannot help liking Derry’s bunch and I have an especially soft spot for. little Milly after she poured my Birthday Cup this year, bless her.
We finally got them all off to Lina’s and went to see Mella. She is not looking much different than she did last week, but the day with her at the Healing Gardens, for me at least, was beautiful, serene and much less emotionally fraught and strained than last time.
I got back to L’s at about ten, after going to Mum and Dad’s to spend time with them once we had got back from the gardens. I found the house already quiet and I suddenly remembered why. I groaned. We had a four-thirty AM start and I was headed back to the Merseyside tomb! Oh joy oh rapture! And, even better, I had absolutely nothing packed!
Well, it was an hour before I could get to bed, I was busy packing my backpack and tidying things up and straightening them out here, so L is all ready for our away time. I fell into bed, crashed and burned and the next I knew, Brian was shaking me awake! I had forgotten to set an alarm! Oh dear oh dear!
There on my pillow was the usual Monday morning scroll, tied with pink ribbon, from Babsy at Shana-Sherin. I was feeling so glum, but it gave me my one smile of the morning.
“Dear Uncle Bert,”
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a fair report this week.”
“Uncle Bert I will never understand this place I got in trouble with old fusty cos I wrote dates on me hand so I could remember them in a test and he said I was cheating how was it cheating I only wrote the dates not what they was for it’s a rotten swiz I says and then I put me gravy through a sieve to get the lumps out and Madam prim went to hit me on the head with a ladle it ain’t fair straight up it ain’t and I think Blissa likes Leanna better cos she speaks nicer than me but everyone knows she sucks up to the teachers an tattles tales an if blissa ain’t me besty I don’t wanna stay here running out of room ain’t fair”
May the sun shine on you always and the helping hand”. at which point the parchment, even though the writing was tiny, gave out! Why they passed that I don’t know, but they did!
Well, it was as well that I started off with a smile, because the rest of that morning was a complete horror. I was all out of sorts and as scratchy as one of Brian’s old records. I burned my tongue on my coffee and would not let L make me a sandwich, of all the silly things. By the time we left for the train I was in full on snarl and nobody would have thought I was cute, not at all!
Well, luckily the boring boring train was packed, nobody paid me any attention and I was left to my miserable devices. I think it might be the same for Brian but the more I have to leave the Lair, the more I hate it! If only we could just stay there!
When the train got to Stoke I made myself scarce and zapped to the Merseyside tomb. Of course there was the usual pile of mail to sort and dust that I could write my name in, so I fell to work and soon worked off the worst of my bad mood, especially as I got a text from L asking if I was ok, which made for a happy lep.
When I eventually had time for Nia Netbook there was an agonized Email from Mum. Ikey had been out all night again and she was terrified of him bringing shame on the family. I love my Mum, dearly, as it happens, but what in the name of shimmering green and silver stars does she think I can do about it? Ah well, I suppose it did her good to tell someone. I comforted her as best I could and I told her what I have already written about Veriana. I do not know if it did much good, but I did my best.
The rest of Monday was long and boring in the extreme. I got calls from Brian and L in the evening to ask how I was doing and to let me know they were ok, so I went to bed a reasonably happy lep.
When I woke up, the phone was ringing. I had way, way way way overslept, I do not know the last time I slept in till nine! Anyway, it was Brian. He told me he was unwell and that he was getting the train home to the Lair. I have to say I was very worried. Brian does not go off work sick unless he feels really awful. I wanted to zap to the station right there and then, but I would have looked a bit odd on the platform in my Noddy pajamas. Now do not laugh! I could not find any other clean ones to wear! My good ones are all at the Lair and I had forgotten to pack any! Stars, now I am blushing! Anyway, I could not go to Brian, but he said I could zap to the Lair and give L a hand with things, as she was not her best that morning either and might need help when he got back.
Stars! You had better believe I was up, showered, dressed, packed, locked up and out of there in about half an hour flat. I actually gave L an awful scare, because I, um, kind of forgot to let her know I was on the way and just zapped straight into the den. She was lying on the sofa and she nearly jumped off it.
Well, soon Bert was on the case, L had hot tea, I was cleaning and tidying and getting things ready for Brian coming back, which he did at about eleven-thirty and stars, he was not well at all. We got him settled in bed and L brought him food and I brought him tea and medication and for the rest of the day we took care of him the best we could.
This morning I got up at my usual time, stars! It was so nice to wake up in my lovely, warm, comfy closet! Anyway I went through the usual routine and of course, the talk on Facebook was about Ikey, again. He had again been out all night, but this time everyone knew where he had been, because he had got picked up for brawling, been slung into a guard cube and instead of just taking it as he usually does, or asking Mum or Dad to help, which they probably might have done, he asked Veriana to come down to that particular Guard post! And, get this! She did! She apparently gave the guards a proper wigging into which they had difficulty cramming a word edgeways and paid Ikey’s fine for disturbing colony peace out of her own pocket. Then she took him off to her cube and there he has been ever since. He is probably getting the ear bending of all time, as well as salve on his bruises, hot food and nettle tea!
Well anyway. I mopped up the gossip, nothing much else new, PattiAnne is better and I was all ready to get breakfast for L and see what Brian felt like eating. Once everything was done, it has been a fairly quiet day, we have been just pottering on our computers or IPhones, L put me on to a fantastic thing called the Accessible Fruit Machine, I like it a lot and looking after Brian, who is a bit better this evening. We have just had a nice dinner provided by the Kebab house and now I am doing this.
And there! I am afraid it wasn’t scintillating, but you are all caught up again! I will try not to leave it so long this time, I promise. I hope you have all had a good week or so. Thanks so much for reading. See you again soon. Big smiles.
May 24 and 25
Hi, Everyone. Well, so much for trying not to leave it so long. I am so sorry for the lack of entries, but I’ve been really really busy, as you shall hear, zapping all over the place and taking care of L, who is not well at all, so I have had no time to flap my ears, always supposing I wanted to do anything so undignified, actually that is a Hinkyism, we leps do not flap our ears! Anyway, I have had no time to flap said ears, never mind write in here.
Let me see, I think I last wrote a week last Wednesday. On the Thursday I awoke as usual, went through my morning routine and logged on to Facebook to see what was going on. Nothing much was the answer, except more gossip about Ikey, I really was getting fed up of hearing about it by this time and Mart was online to say that Lita was coming back from Ireland, she had popped over to see Danic.
Thursday was a quiet day, L was not feeling well enough to go out and Brian was working away, so I had the place almost to myself. I took care of L, did a lot of housework and just pottered about, it was rather a nice day.
On Friday morning I awoke to an Email that told me it was going to be a very busy day indeed. Andi told me that she and Gordy were finally ready to do the running away thing and asked if they could run today. She said she would need a map and to know what time they could turn up. Well this put me into something of a taking, as you might say, because Friday is Lair day and I had to help L with the Bear’s Lair show later. I went out into the den and Brian and L were already around, so I asked them about it. They said that they would need me during the day, but that after the show was finished I could go to Merseyside and stay for as long as I was needed. I went to send a mail back to Andi and she was really pleased. I sent her the map of where to go, while I was at it and then I packed a backpack, in case I had to be away overnight.
For the rest of the morning and early afternoon I helped L get ready for the show, which went well. I did my little piece to mic, as usual, which I always enjoy. As soon as we got off air, L gave me a load of fresh food to put in the backpack for Andi and Gordy and the pack was soon bursting at the seams. I said a quick goodbye to Brian and L and off I zapped to Merseyside.
I had not been there ten minutes when Andi and Gordy turned up on the front step and I had to let them in fast in case any neighbours saw them. They were flushed, excited, with shining eyes and big smiles, as happy as could be! They had never been in a human house before and it took me a while to show them where things were and how everything worked. Andi headed straight for the bathroom and a very long shower. I rather thought unlimited water would make her happy! Gordy headed straight for the overgrown garden. I had filled the place with food for them, but Gordy is a lep through and through and loves his wild food and that garden was a forager’s paradise for him! He was soon back with armfuls of leaves and roots, which he piled into the sink. When Andi came down she began cleaning them and the next thing you knew, she was making a huge hedgerow stew. They asked me to stay for supper, but I could see they were longing to be alone. I could see that they could both be trusted with things, so I just zapped home to a lovely dinner and a glass of wine with Brian and L.
On Saturday morning I was absolutely dreading logging on to my Facebook and with some justification. The row when I did log on was dreadful! Barty was online, which is absolutely unheard-of, he was firing broadsides in every direction, calling Andi and Gordy every name under the sun and threatening blood and thunder to anyone who knows where they are and does not tell. Like I am really scared of him!
I was more worried about Mum and Dad’s reaction. Dad did not say much, but I could tell that he was very upset and worried about this development. Mum was weeping all over the place, this last worry seeming to be just one too many for her. I really wondered if I should say something to her. I thought I would ask Brian or L about it, but I did not in the end, as they both had enough to think about. Brian was busy with Jaws scripting for a lot of that day and L was still under the weather, although she did manage to go out to her Grandma’s in the afternoon. When she came back she was very tired, so we both made a fuss of her in the evening. While L was out I took the opportunity of zapping over to Merseyside and seeing if the two doves were ok. They were absolutely fine. Andi was cleaning the house and gordy was in the garden. They offered me nettle tea, but I politely declined and zapped back home.
On Sunday morning I awoke to an Email from Barty. He asked me point blank if I knew where Andi was. I did not really know what to do about this. I am not in the habit of telling straight faced lies, which I would have had to if I had answered, so I just deleted it and hoped for the best. After I had made breakfast on Sunday I started off for the Healing Gardens. I went alone because Derry could not go that day, he had to look after the lings because Lina was ill and could not have them. Mella was looking and feeling better and we spent a lovely day walking in the peace and serenity of the gardens. We ate dinner with the other patients and staff and then I saw her up to her room before zapping home to my colony for a couple of hours.
I had a real shock when I saw Mum. I had not realized quite how much this whole thing had got to her. She was looking thin, drawn and almost haggard. Dad was looking really worried to. I decided there and then I just had to do something. I waited till I was settled in my favourite chair, with a cup of Mum’s mint tea and a slice of marigold cake and then I told Mum and Dad where Andi and Gordy were. They were shocked at first, but after that they were actually quite pleased. As Dad said, Gordy is a good boy, he works hard and there is no reason in the world why he and Andi should not get married, it is just Barty being petty about the whole thing.
Before I left I had got a promise of help from Mum and Dad and something even better. Dad said he would act as Andi’s guarantor, which would override Barty’s non-consent. That meant, if I could find a Hander to marry them, they could get married as soon as possible and go back to live in the home colony, or wherever else they wanted. Stars, I was tired to death by the time I got home, because I had popped in on Andi and Gordy to tell them this before going back to Wales, so I was very glad to get to my closet. I had to set the nasty alarm for 4:30 AM.
The nasty alarm duly went off and I awoke with a yawn and a smothered swear. There, as usual, on my pillow, was the scroll, tied in pink ribbon. I reached for it eagerly, wondering if anything was any better for young Babsy at Shana-Sherin this week.
“Dear Uncle Bert,”
“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week.”
“Hey uncle Bert guess what I won a silver star for me apple pie it come out even better than Leanna’s she’s best at cooking well she’s best at everything the dirty sucker course Blissa wants to be her Besty now but she likes Mellanita best ha ha ha I got ten out of ten for spelling and I got all me dates right and old fusty says I does better now Blissa aint sitting next to me no more only it makes me awful sad oh well who was your besty uncle Bert?”
“May the sun shine on you always and the helping Hand keep you from harm.”
“Your affectionate niece.”
“Barbriella Nilena.”
Babsy’s letter caused me the usual chuckle. I so well remember sitting next to Peetkin Hallardan and how he could work and mess about at the same time, which I could not and how everything got much better for me when he moved on to someone else. I avoided Besties for much of the rest of my time and I think I will advise Babsy to do the same.
Well, we got into a taxi at 6 AM and were well on our way to the station, when Brian’s phone rang. There was an emergency and we had to go back to the Lair. The rest of the day passed quietly enough, Brian worked, I took care of L, who was very unwell and later I called in at Merseyside, to make sure everything was ok there.
I arrived as a huge wild greens stew was being dished up. The pungent smell of greens and wild garlic filled the house and reminded me strongly of Mum’s place, my eyes were watering. A huge brown loaf was sliced and there was a salad too. They asked me to stay, but, bless them, they were only being polite. I was so, so glad to zap back to the Lair and cook a nice dinner for us all to enjoy, with no leaves nor roots in it at all!
On Tuesday morning I awoke to a huge fuss once again. I had another Email from Barty. He wrote that if he found out I, or anyone, had knowledge of where Andelaine was and had not told him, or had helped her run away, he would have them up before the council on a charge of lingnapping an under age leprechaun. He said he would never rest until he found where they were hiding and he would never give his consent to the match. I logged on to Facebook to find the whole family in an uproar. Apparently he had sent this same Email to everybody in the whole family and everyone was seething about it. He had even sent one to Minnimarni’s personal Email! He would even put his own wife on a charge of Lingnapping? Honestly! I looked again at the Email, it really was very nasty.
I have to confess, I was a little shaken. I do not need more trouble. The sooner I can get those two married and off my hands, the better. I thought I had better get on with finding that colony in Merseyside and a Handholder to marry them. I went out to help get breakfast in rather a sober mood.
Once I had helped to make breakfast, I went back to my closet and began the long process of logging on to our ultra secure website. I think I have already told you about it elsewhere. I typed in my 25 digit password and the site decided it liked me today and let me in. I asked it my question and eventually got my answer. The nearest large lep colony to the Merseyside tomb was in Liverpool. I brought up directions. That was fine as far as it went, but what to do now, I wondered. Should I just turn up there, hope to be let in and explain things to their Handholder, always supposing I could get an audience? Or should I go to my own Handholder at my home colony and ask her for a letter of recommendation first? That would mean telling her everything. She might be angry, she might not want to keep the secret, she might tell Barty! Then I remembered the amazing presence and brilliant sapphire eyes of the Holder of the Hand. I was sure I could trust her. I would go to London and ask her what she thought it best to do.
Luckily, Brian was working from home that day, so I was able to get permission to be absent for as long as I needed to be. As soon as I had everything tidy, therefore, I left for London. The colony guards are getting used to me turning up these days, so they let me in without question. The only thing that worried me slightly was that I might run into Barty, but luckily I did not, as he was working hard in the courts.
I made my way, as fast as I could, to the back wall and the Handhold. I was not challenged until I got to the entrance, where I met a young fem Hander in a simple white robe with a plain blue girdle. I told her I must see the Holder of the Hand at once. She looked at me with wide eyes and lifted eyebrows.
“You wish to see the lady? Who are you and what is your need?” she asked.
“I am Bertalius Alfardan. The lady knows me,” I answered, falling naturally into the formal language the Handers seemed always to use. “I am in haste and I have a matter of importance I need to discuss with her.”
The fem told me to wait and I was left standing outside the hold, gazing in through the entrance at the table on which stood the heavy glittering crystal box which held the hand and the chair on which the Holder of the Hand usually sat. I could not seem to take my eyes from the box for long, it seemed to hold my eyes, almost as if it were watching me. I was so rapt I did not hear the lady come up to me, so that when she touched my arm I almost jumped out of my skin.
“I had not thought to see you again so soon, Bert,” she said quietly, smiling at me and fixing me with those incredible eyes. “How are you and how is your family?”
“I am well, lady and so are the family on the whole.”
“That is good,” She said. “I am told you have something important to speak of. Come in and be seated and then we may speak freely.”
We went inside the Hold, the lady took her seat behind the table and a Hander brought a second chair for me. Once we were settled, I raised my eyes to those amazing sapphire orbs and began to tell the whole story of Andi and Gordy, of Barty’s steadfast refusal to consent to the marriage, of all the upset it had caused and of where they were now and what I wanted to do for them.
When I had finished speaking there was silence in the Hold for a long while. The lady just went on gazing at me as if she could see right inside me and I began to fear she was angry with me. Then I saw her mouth turn upwards into a smile.
“So, if I have got this correct,” she said, “Mr. Alfard has given his consent to the match and will put his hand to it? And Mr. Garus also consents?”
“Yes, lady.” I answered.
“Then there is no need for you to trouble another Hander unless you would rather,” she smiled. “I am prepared to marry Andelaine and Gordus myself.” I just gaped at her. I could not believe what I was hearing.
“As I am sure you will realize, Bertalius,” the lady continued gravely, “We only have one problem to solve. For a bonding to work, we need to find a good place to conduct the ceremony. With things being the way they are, it cannot be done here. Mr. Bartle would doubtless find out about it, he would bring discord into the Hold somehow and the atmosphere would be ruined. So we will need to perform the ceremony in another place.”
“Do you mean,” I almost stammered, “Take the hand from the colony? How is that possible?”
The lady almost chuckled. “Oh come, Bert,” she said. “Do you think every ceremony involving the hand is performed in this Hold? You leave the details to me. All you have to do is find us a good place. It needs to be a place that has contained love and happiness for a long time, so that the Hand can pick up and work with the good energy there. You say that Gordus and Andelaine are at the dwelling of your human. Could we hold the wedding there? Would that be possible?”
I thought about the house on Merseyside. Of course, at the moment, it was full of love and happiness, as Andi and Gordy lived in it, filled it with laughter and the smells of Andi’s lep cookery, but until very recently it had been a quiet place, with myself only popping in from time to time to clean it and pick up the mail. To me it felt lonely and almost hostile. It really would not do. But I knew where would be the ideal place. I thought of Brian and L, of the Lair, of the lovely happy feeling I always got every time I was there. I remembered a room, packed full of my family, all eating, drinking and talking, having a wonderful time. Yes, it would do very well, if Brian and L would not mind.
“I know a good place, lady. I will arrange it.” Was all I said. I promised to let her know how I had got on when I came on Sunday to see my parents and with that I took my leave.
I had a lot to tell Brian and L when I got back. We discussed the question thoroughly during Brian’s lunch break and by the end of lunch it was all settled. Andi and Gordy were going to be married from the Lair and the wedding would be on Saturday week, June 2. As soon as Brian was back at work, I zapped over to Merseyside to see how things were and to break the good news.
I arrived in the kitchen to find Andi baking flower petal cakes in about ten different varieties and stirring a huge pot of what was eventually going to be Zair. Gordy was helping by chopping the fruit that I had brought for them to eat and it was all going into the pot to be turned into drink for their eventual barrel. I was glad to catch them together. I told them where I had been that day and what the Hander had told me.
It really is a wonderful thing when you can help somebody and make them happy. When I told Andi and Gordy that our Hander was going to marry them and where the wedding was going to be, well, the smiles that lit up their faces, they could have lit up the kitchen on their own. Andi nearly hugged me to death. I just felt so good about the whole thing. Once they are married, they can go home, there is room in the colony for them, Gordy’s parents will put them up until Gordy gets a cube for them, that was all settled before they left and Barty can roar all he likes, but he will not be able to do a thing about it.
The lovebirds would have me stay the rest of the day and eat supper with them, I could not refuse, so I ate Andi’s wild mushroom hot pot, fresh salad and nut bread, but oh dear oh dear! I am not used to lep food anymore and I wished I were home! Not even Andi’s feather light flower petal cakes could really tempt me. I was so glad to say goodbye to them, go back to the Lair, have a toasted sandwich that tasted of lovely ordinary melted cheese and ham and a cup of tea that tasted only of tea, not of anything green and smelly and fall into my yawning bed! It had been a very busy day and I was tired out.
I was up again at 4:30 the next morning. Brian was off on an early train, so L and I helped to get him off with a hot breakfast and a packed lunch. After he was gone, L had to go back to bed. L has been going through a very bad patch with her health and she was ill all day, so I took care of her when she needed help and for the rest of the time I had the den to myself. I pottered about, did a lot of housework, played games and just generally killed time.
There was not much new with the family. They still seem to be keeping the lid on the Ikey Veriana thing, though the fuss still seems to be rumbling on in a quiet way. Aprilina has had a nasty week, the new youngling is making her feel ill and Tovey is trying to make her slow down. Apart from that, nothing much is happening. I had a day off going to Merseyside, I really needed to stay with L in case she needed me.
Brian got back late and very tired, so I made us all a nice dinner and we had an early night.
Well, so that brought us to yesterday. Just to explain. I began to write this yesterday, Thursday and I had nearly done and had been silly enough not to save as I was going along and Nia Netbook decided to crash on me, so I lost everything I had written. Mad? Was I mad? Mad enough to spit fire! I rewrote some of it yesterday evening, but it got too late to finish it, I was dropping with tiredness, so had to go to bed. So we are now on Friday. Anyway, where was I?
Yesterday I awoke as usual and went through my morning routine. I logged on to Facebook thinking there would not be much new. How wrong was I? There was the rumpus of all time going on! Apparently, Ikey is now definitely going to marry Veriana! Mig has given her permission, which she needs to as Ikey is under age. Tommo would have had to as well, only being in jail he is disenfranchised at the moment. Anyway, they have registered their engagement at the Handhold, so it is official. The family is up in arms about having to receive old bossy as a member, but there is nothing to be done but accept it with as much grace as possible. On the good side, at least she may keep Ikey out of trouble!
I went into the den to find that L was having an extremely bad day. Brian is worried to pieces about her. I got breakfast and helped in any other way I could. Brian was working from here, so when I had things settled I zapped over to see if everything was all right in Merseyside.
Everything was fine there. Apparently, Gordy had sent an Email to his Mum and Dad, had told them all their news and Gordy’s Dad was really pleased and had elected to get a cube organized for the newly-weds. They are also coming to the wedding, which is great. Mum and Dad are going to alert our lot on the morning of the wedding and see who can just drop everything and turn up. WE cannot do it any sooner, in case Barty gets to know, it is almost impossible to keep a secret in a lep colony. Andi is really excited about the wedding, she does not think the Zair will be ready by then, but I told her not to worry, L will have plenty of food and drink ready, I know. I just hope she will be better by that time.
Well, the rest of Thursday was quiet and uneventful and now it is Friday. I have done nothing today except go through the usual morning catch up, nothing new to report and get breakfast. L is too unwell to do the Lair today, so I have a free day. I think I will go over to Merseyside, then I might go home for a couple of hours. I am worried about Mum, she really is not looking well and I want to see what I can do to help her.
And there! At last you are up to date. I am sorry that I do not seem to be able to write as much in here as I would like to, what with being so extremely busy. I will do as much as I can, I promise. I must stop now, I want to go and see if Brian wants a coffee before I leave and I want to go and see if L is well enough to give me a few minutes’ lap time. I do hope so!
I hope you have all had a great week. Thanks for reading, as always and I will be back again as soon as I can. Big smiles.
May 28.
Hi, Everyone. Goodness, it is so very hot! I have been in and out of the colony over the last couple of days and the heat there is just terrible, as there are no windows! It is very warm here at the Lair, but at least the temperature is bearable. I am so, so glad I live and work where I do! Stars, this is not getting you caught up on my news. Ok, new paragraph, Bert and try to stick to the point!
As I think I told you, L was too unwell to do her show on Friday and Brian was busy completing his Jaws scripting project, so I did not have much to do. I thought I might pop home for a few hours after I had checked on Andi and Gordy at Merseyside, as Mum was looking very worn and might appreciate some help. After I had finished writing I went to ask Brian if it was ok for me to go, because, you know, I am not even allowed to zap unless I have his permission, that is how strict the rules governing us are. He gave me the necessary permission straight away, so I got myself ready and zapped off to Merseyside.
The status was still very much quo there. Andi was buzzing about, cleaning the house and keeping watch over about four bubbling pots and something in the oven. There were batches of dough rising and the Zair was working away quietly, frothing and fermenting nicely in a cheap demijohn I had luckily thought to buy.
It was quite a warm day, so I went out into the garden to see what Gordy was up to and had a real surprise. That garden was looking less wild than I had seen it in a long time. Gordy was grubbing away as usual, looking as happy as a king, hacking through the jungle of nettles right down at the bottom. He waved when he saw me and came over and for a while we sat down on the grass and talked. He told me he absolutely loved it there and would be sorry when they had to leave and go back to London. That got me to thinking. Getting Andi and Gordy legally married is crucial, but there is no rush about getting them back to London. In fact, it might be a very good thing for them to stay out of Barty’s way for a while, or he could make life very unpleasant for them. I thought I would ask Brian if he would mind if the newly-weds stayed for a while after the marriage. They were doing him a favour, after all. The house was sparkling like a new pin from top to bottom, the mail was regularly collected and in a neat pile on his desk for me to sort when I came over, it was totally a win win situation. I did not say anything to Gordy just then, but I made a mental note of it.
I stayed for a long, cold glass of iced elderflowerade with Andi and Gordy and a slice of rose cake. Andi really is a good cook and rose cake is a delicacy, we do not often see it, I just wish I did not find all wild food so completely unpalatable these days. Anyway, once I had choked down my slice of feather light, golden, completely disgusting cake, I took my leave and went off to London to see how Mum and Dad were.
It was absolutely sweltering in Mum’s cube. She was cooking lunch, hedgerow soup, full of wild garlic and the bread was baking, making the place like a furnace. Swarms of lings were underfoot and Mum was looking absolutely harried. Dad was not there, he had gone out foraging.
I pitched in, made all the lings sit down and told them a story while helping Mum as best I could. When the soup was done I helped Mum ladle it into bowls and slice the bread and soon every grubby little paw was wielding a spoon and the noise level in the cube had lessened until you could almost have heard a raindrop fall!
Mum spends a lot of her days looking after lings while their parents work or forage for food, but she really could do with slowing down. She is starting to show signs of wear, I was worried about her on Friday and I still am, to tell you the truth.
I stayed at the colony for the rest of the afternoon and there is no doubt that my extra pair of hands did help Mum a lot. At about five O’clock, a lot of my brothers and sisters began coming to collect their lings, so I thought it about time to leave. Before I left though, I walked down to the hold and asked for an audience with the Handholder. She was, unfortunately, unable to see me, but a lep with a silver girdle to his white robe said he would give her a message and that she would see me on Sunday. I told him that everything was fixed, that the wedding could take place on June 2 and gave him the address. Having got all that settled, I zapped back to L’s.
Oh how lovely it was to get back to a bearable temperature, to sit snugly on L’s lap, rest my weary legs, drink a lovely ice cool glass of nice, ordinary orange juice and tell her and Brian about my day. Brian and L both agreed at once to my suggestion that Andi and Gordy stay on in the Merseyside house for a while after their marriage, as long as there are no problems, so I am really pleased. We spent the rest of the evening in our normal, cosy way.
The next morning I was up at my usual time, I showered, dressed, made the bed, tidied up, then logged on to my Facebook to see what was going on. Not much, was the answer. Mig was online and I said hello to her. Apparently, she has a boyfriend! Stars, that did not take her long! He lives on the next croft to hers. She was telling us she really likes him, but the lings are suspicious and very wary of him. They do not want another Tommo around. I should think not indeed! But all leps are not Tommo after all. Still, I do think she might wait a while! I hope Ikey will not hear about this or he will undoubtedly tell Tommo, which will cause the mother and father of all rumpuses! Tommo will not care what Mig gets up to, but he will care a whole zlarn of a lot if someone else is going to bring up his lings! Let us just hope old bossy keeps Ikey under a tight rein, as she seems to be doing. I do not think she even has a computer, she does not believe in them! Giggling.
When I had finished on Facebook I went to get us some breakfast. L was at last getting better, so I was in a very good mood. Brian and I have both been worried to bits about her for a week and more, but she is now ok for the moment. Just yay!
After breakfast we had a quiet and cosy kind of a day. I decided that, as I was going to be out all day the next day, I would give myself a day off zapping here there and everywhere and just stay in. Besides, it was terribly hot, which made me feel lazy. I spent a lot of the day snuggled up on L’s lap, playing IPhone games, or else sitting on the sofa pottering about on Nia Netbook. In the afternoon L went out to her Grandma’s. She brought Brian and I cream cakes back, oh stars they were good! Great big fat round cream buns, light as a feather, with chocolate on top and loads of whipped cream inside. You can keep your nasty rose cake, I would not even give up my cream cake for a slice of lavender loaf, which is my Mum’s speciality, she usually only makes it at Saint Patrick and only then if Dad can find the lavender or lavender oil.
On Saturday evening, after we had finished doing the Down for Double show on the Global Voice, we had one of our lovely evenings in with wine and music. Brian and L have found a way for me to have a little wine now without me having too much and getting a headache. L has bought me a special small glass. The normal wine glasses they use are far too big for me and even though they only used to put a little in, I found them rather awkward to deal with. Now I have a really lovely little crystal glass, I believe it was meant to hold sherry, it is not one of those teeny tiny ones, it is large enough to hold just enough wine to keep a lep happy for an evening and I like it very much indeed! This is just typical of the nice, kind things Brian and L are always doing for me. They never want me to feel left out of the things they do. I am just so lucky to work for them!
On Sunday morning I was up at my usual time. I went through my usual morning routine and logged on to Facebook to see what was happening. Tuli’s second eldest, herby, had fallen off a rope ladder and broken his ankle. I do not know what it is with this family! There always seems to be something going on. Jockie set the ankle last night, luckily he was more or less sober and Herby’s going to be fine, but of course, Tuli and Shay are a bit shaken. The thing is, it was strange. Herby was playing right down the other end of the colony from where Tuli and Shay are living and they say that PattiAnne suddenly started crying yesterday afternoon and they could not get her to stop. Shay took her out into the thoroughfare to get her a breath of air because he thought she was overheating and she pointed down a passage, so he walked that way, wanting to quiet her. She kept pointing, taking him further and further away from their part of the colony. If he started to go back, she started screaming again. Eventually, she led him to Herby, who had fallen down behind some piping, he was lying unconscious on the floorboards, with a broken ankle. Goodness knows when he would have been found if not for PattiAnne.
Tuli and Shay are really a bit freaked out by this whole thing and I would be too, but I suppose we should expect odd things to happen. After all, PattiAnne is special, we all know that. Anyway, the important thing is they found Herby and he is going to be ok, in fact he thinks he has had a huge adventure!
Once I had made us all breakfast, I got myself ready and set off for the old country and my visit with my dear Mella. It was lovely to be back in the beauty and peace of the Healing Gardens. It was actually cooler there than in Wales and I walked through the meadow towards the buildings, reveling in the peace and tranquility of the place.
Mella was waiting for me by the fountain. She really is on the mend now and says that she will be able to come home in a couple more weeks. The heavy bandaging has been removed from around her stomach, so she can move more freely and we spent a lot of the day in a garden beside a lovely pool, in and out of the water.
When I had eaten dinner with the staff and patients and seen Mella up to her room, I went home for a couple of hours. I first went to the Hold and had a talk with the Handholder. Everything to do with the wedding is now fixed up, the lady has a map in her mind of where she needs to be, everything is worked out. Weddings always take place at noon, so the lady will arrive a little before then to get things set up. There will be a lot to do this week to get everything prepared, but with Brian and L’s help, we will get it all done in time.
After I had got my business done at the Hold, I walked all the way back to Mum’s. I arrived hot, tired and thirsty, longing for my chair and a cup of tea, only to be confronted by a sight which sent my eyes out on stalks. Old bossy was sitting in my favourite chair, with her legs swinging comfortably, a cup of mint tea in one hand and a slice of cake in the other. Mum was looking as if she had eaten a pound of green gooseberries and Dad was wearing his stoniest face.
“Of course, LilyBella,” Veriana was saying, “If you will insist on looking after everyone else’s leplings, then you are bound to feel and look tired and jaded. But I will bring you some of my tincture of cucumber, you should bathe your eyes with that, night and morning and it will do wonders for you. Also, you must use my essence of rose petals on your skin and just see how it will brighten up every dull pore! Oh,” suddenly turning to me, “Hello, Bertalius. Goodness, don’t you look outlandish in those human clothes! Do you not have any proper ones to come home in so that you do not stand out quite so much? I could always make you some, if your poor mother does not have time.””
My Mum went as red as a poppy, Dad’s jaw tightened and I came within one half inch of bopping the bossy old bat right on the nose! Stars help our poor family when Ikey marries her, I thought, but she is not going to bully Mum or Dad. She. Is. Not!
“Actually, Miss Veriana…”
“No, Bertalius,” she interrupted me in her bossiest tone, “I am almost family now, please feel free to call me Vee. You were saying?”
Vee, I thought! The stars will fall down before I call her Vee!
“Actually, Miss. Veriana,” I said, “I do have plenty of lep clothes, but my parents like my human ones, so I always wear them home and even if I did not have any lep clothes, my mother has enough to do without making clothes for me. But I am surprised you disapprove of human clothing, Miss Veriana. You seem to be imitating humanity yourself, by using lotions and potions to try to make yourself look younger.”
Now it was old bossy’s turn to blush bright red. You would not know it, but that was a really nasty dig, in fact, to some leps, saying they were imitating humans, or that they were like humans, that was a deadly insult! I was not surprised when old bossy put down her cup, thanked Mum politely for the tea and got up to leave quite soon after that. I have no doubt she will be back, but she might watch her tongue while I am around. If she does not, she had better look out, that is all. She had just better!
I stayed with Mum and Dad until just before ten. We talked over this and that, I helped with some things in the cube, I really do think both Mum and Dad find it helpful me coming home once a week. I think I will ask Brian if it is ok for me to keep doing it, even when Mella is out of the healing gardens. Sunday is usually a very quiet day at L’s, so it should be all right.
I got back to L’s to find the music on and cold pink wine being poured into the glasses, so I was soon snuggled between Brian and L on the sofa, with my little glass in my hand. We were not late in going to bed, as Brian had work in the morning and anyway I had had a long day and was tired.
I awoke at six this morning to the usual Monday morning scroll on my pillow, tied with the usual pink ribbon. I reached for it with my usual eagerness. I do love to hear what has been going on in Babsy’s world.
“Dear Uncle Bert.”
“I hope you are in good health and that the Helping Hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week.”
“This week we did roast chicken stuffing potatoes and vegtables no that don’t look right well whatever in cookery and mine was the best leanna was so mad I’m better than her in cookery now old fusty says I’m getting better at dates I got nine out of ten in spelling other lessons is ok Leanna and Blissa had a big fight and Blissa wants to be me besty again but I don’t want no more besties like you said work is more important I like getting good marks and stars against me name cos Mum and Dad is proud of me then and it’s good.”
“May the sun shine on you always and the Helping Hand keep you from harm”
“Your affectionate niece”
“Barbriella Nilena.”
Well well well. I am glad things are getting better for Babsy. I do so wish, as well as spelling, she would brush up on punctuation! I will write back to her later today and tell her how pleased I am. I love roast chicken. Yum!
Well, I went through my usual morning routine. I have, for a change, absolutely nothing new to tell you in the family news way, everyone is just chugging along. I just browsed my news feeds, read my Twitter, I did my human Facebook last night, so I just had a quick look at it this morning. Then I got breakfast for us all and after that, as Brian had to start work over at his desk, I brought Nia Netbook in here to the den, jumped up on the sofa beside L, who has been industriously clicking at her keyboard all this while and have been industriously clicking at mine, writing this for you.
But now that you are up to date, I am about to stop clicking. It is nearly time for lunch, so I will go and get things started, or L will be doing her feed the birds, tuppence a bag trick in the kitchen and that would never do! Stars, I am a starvacious lep, that is another ellism, I like that word. I seriously need food! I hope you have all had a good few days. Thanks so much for reading and I will write again soon.
Big smiles.
May 29.
Hi, everyone. Stars, what a day! I am hot, exhausted and broke! I have been zapping back and forth between here and Merseyside like a demented bee and looking at web pages until my eyes are like a pair of glazed doughnuts. I have now come home to the Lair and am settled on the sofa with Nia Netbook and I simply must tell you what has been going on.
On Monday afternoon, after I had finished my long Journal entry and we had eaten lunch, I asked for and was given permission to go to Merseyside and then to London to check on the family. Things are very quiet here at the moment, there is little work for me to do apart from cooking and housework, which I can do with one hand tied behind me, L is well thank goodness and does not need me to take care of her, so I could easily be spared to see to my own affairs. All the same, I am very grateful to Brian and L for letting me have so much free time to be with my family, they do not have to let me go and I am very lucky that they do not mind.
Well, anyway. I arrived at the Merseyside house to find things much as usual, except that the bright smile which Andi usually wears was conspicuous by its absence. Gordy was in the garden, hacking down nettles as if each one had done him a personal injury.
Andi made tea and Gordy came in for a drink and we sat around the table, but the usual merry chatter that went on between us all kept faltering, until I could not stand it anymore.
“I know something is wrong,” I said, “So don’t bother telling me everything’s ok. Is it something I can help with, or shall I just go away and mind my own business. You know I’ll do anything I can for you both.”
At which point, to my great embarrassment andi burst into tears and Gordy scowled.
“Aw, come on and!” Gordy said, looking completely mortified. “All this fuss over a zlanny dress!”
“What dress?” I asked, feeling completely bewildered.
At this andi howled even harder and gordy got up and stomped out of the room and I could see him running back down the garden and recommencing his slash and hack job among the nettles.
Now, I do not pretend to have had much experience with torrents of tears, but I have seen how Brian behaves when L cries, so I knew telling Andi to calm down and pull herself together would not be the wisest course of action, so I went over, put an arm around her and just kind of stayed there, getting terribly damp, until she was quiet. Then I asked her to tell me the whole story which, with many a sniff and gulp, she did and I came to understand absolutely why she was so sad.
When there is a wedding in a lep colony, Every fem gets married wearing the wedding gown her mother wore. When a gown gets too old or faded to be worn, a new gown is made, incorporating a little piece of the old one, no matter how small. It may be a button, a piece of lace, a flower, anything, but every new gown has something of the old one in it. When Barty knew Andi wanted to marry Gordy, he had taken Minnimarni’s wedding gown, which had been worn by four generations of her family and locked it in his office at the courts so she should have no chance of wearing it until he said she could and there was absolutely no way of getting hold of it. Andi had packed in a hurry and had only plain, serviceable lep house clothes with her and nothing at all fit to be married in and she did not know what to do.
I comforted Andi as best I could, but I really could not think of a way around this problem. In fact there was not one. She could not wear Minnimarni’s dress. But surely that did not mean we could not find her something pretty to wear, I thought. Every bride has to look beautiful on her wedding day. I told Andi this and said I would have a talk to L about it and would come back in the morning and then we would see what could best be done.
I left her looking a little bit more cheerful and went to see Mum and Dad. The cube was absolutely sweltering and chaos reigned supreme, with lings yelling, climbing and swarming all over the place and Mum trying to keep order, tidy up and bake bread, all at the same time.
I pitched in and, being better at baking than at dealing with lings, took over making the bread and when that was in the oven I went to get more water and did a whole lot of other jobs Mum needed. It was an absolute nightmare, working in that heat. There is a lot of sheet metal in the colony, as well as all that metal piping and the heat just radiates off it.
I really ought to have gone home to L’s for dinner, but it took us a lot of time to get things straight once all the lings were out of the way, so I stayed and hat a bite with Mum and Dad, before zapping back to Wales. Brian and L were at their computers, with glasses of wine beside them and music playing quietly. They were pleased to see me and asked how things were. When I had given them a brief account of my day and had my little glass filled from the bottle of white, Brian went back to the game he had been playing and L asked if I wanted some lap time.
I always love lap time, as everyone knows, but now it was especially serendipitous, because once I was snuggled in my favourite place, I told L all about Andi’s tricky little problem and asked what she thought was best for us to do. L took a sip of wine and was quiet for a minute or two. Then she surprised me.
“Get down, sweetie. I need my keyboard.”
I was not happy at all, but did as she asked. I sat next to L on the sofa, as she reached for her keyboard and headset and began to click. L always keeps the lid of her laptop down, so I can never see what she is looking at. I therefore had no idea what she was doing. She clicked, paused, clicked, paused, clicked again. I sipped my drink and started to get very impatient. Brian played his game, said a swear word or two when it went wrong and time passed.
Finally, L turned to me.
“I have just sent you an Email,” she said. “In it you will find links to web pages of department stores and companies that sell all kinds of party dresses and bridesmaid dresses for very young girls. I am thinking that one of those will make a beautiful wedding dress for Andi. On some of the pages I looked at, there were accessories too, shoes, tights, something to wear in her hair, she’ll want those too, I should think. You can go to Merseyside tomorrow, after breakfast and show them to her.”
My poor little glass had a very narrow escape, as did L’s keyboard. I wonder why they are called bear hugs? Random thought. Anyway L got a bear hug and Brian got distracted and electrocuted himself in his game, so he came over and we told him all about everything and we spent a very pleasant rest of the evening.
This morning I awoke at my usual time, got up, showered, dressed, made the bed and tidied up. I booted up Nia Netbook and had a quick look on Facebook. Nothing much happening, thank goodness, I have enough going on at the moment, I could not stand anymore drama. Tuli says Herby is still pretty shaken after his fall and his head is still hurting him, he was very concussed, so she is keeping him quiet and making him rest. Everyone else seems to be ok. Ikey is still down at old Bossy’s, which is highly irregular indeed. Mum is worried about it, but has too much else on her plate at the moment to do anything, even if she could, which is debatable.
While I was getting breakfast ready I had a hard think about money. I have to say it is not something I usually dwell too much on, but having had a cursory glance at those web pages L sent me last night, I could see that the subject of finance was going to have to be gone into. You see, I could show Andi all these beautiful dresses, but there is one problem. She does not have the money to buy one. We leps have currency, of course, but you cannot use it on a human website.
So, as I saw it, I had two choices. I asked Brian and L to help with the dress, or I paid for it. Well, the first option was out. Brian and L were giving Andi and Gordy the wedding party and with the way we all eat and drink that was not going to be cheap and that is the second party they have thrown on my account this year.
So, we come to the second option. You may be surprised to know that, according to the terms of employment laid down by Shana-Sherin, Brian does not have to pay me anything. Of course, he has to provide for me, see that I am fed, clothed, etc, but he does not have to give me wages. I am paid by Shana-Sherin itself, though I do not see any of the money, as it would be of no use to me in this world. It is banked for me, against the time when I am too old or infirm to work, when I can retire either to my home colony, if I still have family there, or to a colony in the old country for retired students.
The fact that for the last three years I have had a regular wage is just one of the many many reasons why I consider myself the very luckiest lep in the whole wide world. Brian did not want me to be dependent on him for everything I ever wanted or needed. He wanted me to have small treats and pleasures and to be able to choose and buy my own clothes and personal necessities, so he pays me a wage and always has.
I think I have said elsewhere that saving up is not my strongpoint. There is that store beginning with G from which I love to buy clothes and there are the two sirens, Amazon and Itunes, which always seem to be calling my money to them and I never see it again! Smile. But I have managed to put a little away, in case I ever needed something big, like a new computer, or something of that kind. While I made breakfast I thought things over thoroughly. Brian and L are not rich, by a very long chalk, but if I seriously urgently needed something, I do not think they would let me go without it if it was in their power to get it for me, as long as it was something I needed, not just a want. And as for computers, did I not have my trusty little Nia, who was practically brand new? I also thought that, after the wedding, I could very well go on putting a little aside for the next rainy day and it would soon start to mount up again, so things would soon right themselves.
By the time the bacon was sizzling in the pan and the pancake batter was all ready, I had decided to use my nest egg to pay for Andi’s dress, but I thought I would just talk it over with Brian first. He has a very logical mind and it always helps me to get things straight in my own head if I talk to him first.
I dished up breakfast and once L had finished and gone away to see to her mail and while Brian drank his second mug of coffee, I told him my plan and asked what he thought of it.
“Well, bert,” Brian said after a moment’s silence, “You put the money aside for a rainy day. I’d say the rainy day has come and it’s nice that you want to spend that money doing something good for someone else, rather than on yourself. Just make sure you spend it sensibly, that’s all I’ll say. Apart from that, go for it!”
After that, I washed up the breakfast dishes with a smile and zapped off to Merseyside with an easy mind. Andi was waiting for me all in a flutter and even Gordy was in the kitchen and not in his usual place at the bottom of the garden.
“Ok, you can both relax,” I said. First of all, Gordy, you go back to work, this is no place for you, it’s bad luck. Andi and I are going next door to turn on Brian’s computer and look at some websites. L has shown me where to find lots of pretty dresses to fit human little girls, we’ll find one that Andi likes and order it and it will be here tomorrow or the next day.”
Oh my word! If you only could have seen their faces! I think Gordy’s relief was almost palpable. He raced off down the garden, hopping skipping and jumping like a ling. Andi’s smile could have lit up the sky, bless her dear little heart! It was my turn to get a bear hug and I am here to tell you, it nearly cracked my ribs!
Well, we went next door and turned on the computer. I had saved L’s Email to our shared Dropbox, so Andi and I were soon surfing websites, looking at dress after dress after dress!
Oh my shimmering silver stars on calm waters! What a bewildering array of dresses we saw! Ivory dresses and white dresses, pink dresses and gold dresses, dresses with long trailing skirts, dresses with short pleated skirts, dresses with spots and dresses with stripes, dresses with bow detail and dresses with flower detail, from the ridiculously cheap to the ridiculously expensive, in silk, satin, organza, georgette, tulle and taffeta, bedecked with sequins, beads, pearls and diamante, embroidered, studded with crystals, or draped in clouds of diaphanous lace! We clicked on links, examined dresses and compared decorations, materials and prices until my eyes were crossed and my brain was reeling!
Finally, finally, when I had given up all hope and nearly run out of patience andi found it. A Nicki Macfarlane ivory pure silk dress with bow detail, cap sleeves and a pretty, subtly pleated skirt. It was crisp, cool, beautifully cut, simple and very Expensive indeed! Ah well, it is only money, I thought. and thank the stars I can afford it. I added it to my cart with a sigh of relief and was about to check out, when andi stopped me.
“Uncle Bert!” she said. “Sorry, but we got another problem! I ain’t got no shoes to match this here dress. And I can’t get married in wool stockings nor bare legs! What can I do?”
Oh holy moon! This problem was one too many for me, I have to confess. I could see shoes and even socks on the page where we had found the dress, but I could not stand another session of comparing shoes and shoes and shoes. Oh stars, no I could not!
“Andi!” I said. “Do not touch that computer. Make me a sandwich, or a bowl of soup or something. I need to go home. I will be back.” And I zapped, right there and then. This was a crisis and I needed L!
As it happened, L was not so easily found. When I zapped, straight into the den, Brian was working at his desk and L was nowhere to be seen.
“Brian,” I yelled, I was a little excited, I must confess, “Where’s L. I need her.”
“Shut up, Bert,” Was the well-deserved answer I got. “L’s in bed with a Migraine and you are not to wake her up. Now let me get on, I am working.”
I was just about to bang my head against the wall, when the bedroom door opened and a tousle-headed little being padded in, half asleep. My noise had woken L up.
Well, after I had got a very slight, but deserved ticking off, Brian decided to stop for lunch, so while I made us all sandwiches, I told brian and L about my morning.
“The thing is,” I said, “I cannot, absolutely cannot, go through another session like that. L, what else does Andi need to go with that dress? If I get the page up for you, could you pick out what she needs? I’ll then point it out to her and we can just get it. She knows so little about human things. If I tell her you think it’s the right thing, I know it will be all right.”
L took a bit of persuading, but in the end she agreed to help me. We brought up the page and she chose a pair of plain ivory satin shoes, some pretty ivory tights with a butterfly motif and an ivory headband with pink flowers on it which would look lovely in Andi’s dark hair and set everything off.
“All she will need is a nice fresh flower posy and she’ll look lovely.” Said L. “The only thing is, Bert, if Andi doesn’t like what I’ve picked, you must let her choose for herself. Promise me you won’t force anything on her.”
I promised and zapped back to Merseyside, where Andi was waiting for me, with a steaming bowl of hedgerow soup. I had completely forgotten I had asked Andi to make me something to eat and I was full of sandwiches, fresh ripe tomatoes and crisp celery, but I managed to choke the soup down, although it was full of wild garlic and reeked horribly!
Once we had eaten and I had helped Andi tidy up in the kitchen, we went next door to the computer, where I was relieved to see the page, just as I had left it. I pointed out to her the things L had chosen for her and to my bottomless relief, she liked them all.
With a feeling of the world’s weight dropping off me, I added shoes, tights and hair band to my cart, checked out and did not even wince as a very large hole was made in three hundred pounds and my little nest egg got a lot smaller. The way I see it, I am doing something for posterity, as well as for Andi. With any luck andi’s daughter will wear that dress and her daughter and even the daughter of her daughter! A piece of that expensive silk will be taken forward into our colony history. What an amazing thought.
I could not leave straight away, because Andi and Gordy wanted to talk about details, but I left as soon as I decently could, because I was hot, tired, thirsty and aching to get home for a little peace and quiet. And here I am, sitting in my favourite place next to L on the sofa. Her Migraine is still hovering, but she is up and clicking away on her keyboard, while I am writing this. Soon I will cook us a nice dinner, to make up for my having been away for most of the day and then we will spend the evening together in our usual cosy fashion.
Tomorrow I will have to be at Merseyside for when the parcel comes, to make sure everything is all right with the dress. I feel, now that I am not so hot and tired, very pleased with my day’s work.
Just one more odd thing to tell you before I go. I have had my phone switched off for most of the day, I do not tend to have it on when I am on family business. I see I have a lot of missed calls, all from Tealy. I wonder what on earth she wants. I think I will not bother to find out. She is someone else’s problem and I have worries enough of my own at the moment.
And there, you are all up to date again. I hope you have all had a nice day. Thanks very much, as ever, for reading. I will write again soon.
Big, rather tired, smiles.