December 2012

December 2

Hurray! We are in December! Soon it will be Christmas! I love Christmas and everything about it! L has done most of her Christmas shopping already. I wonder what I am getting? Stars, what an awful thing to think! All the same, I can’t help but wonder! A new Netbook would be my first choice. I know dear old Nia Netbook is only a year old, but she is starting to show signs of wear an tear, I use her so much! Still I cannot have a Netbook every year! Maybe something nice and new from Gap? That would be good.

Anyway. This weekend has been its usual mental self. I am totally and I do mean totally exhausted. Three shows a week is a killer, but everyone is enjoying them, so I cannot say much, especially as it is not me doing all the work. Went to the colony today. Tealy is still not well enough to come with me, although she is out of bed now for an hour or two each day.

I had a lovely time at the colony. Went on a huge round of family visiting. Saw Mum and Dad, of course, Mella and her tribe, Ikey and Vee, Vee’s getting an appreciable bump now and looking so happy, bless her! Um, who else? Went to see Tovey’s lot. There’s such a lovely atmosphere in that place. I sat in a chair and held little Alf while Lina’s other kids played on the floor and Lita romped with them. Tovey, Lina and I talked quietly together. They’re all so happy and I’m glad for them.

I popped down to Marni and Barty’s. My word! There’s another place where happiness reigns. The cube gleams like a new pin from top to bottom. When I went in, all the lings were doing something or other. Marni was cooking and directing them all. They were all looking absolutely happy. I was brought in, given a chair and offered some delicious chamomile tea. Barty was seated in a swing chair which was set high up, so that he was out of any drafts and also out of everyone’s way. He looked gaunt and frail, his eyes stared down at the swarming merriment of his erstwhile quiet and orderly home.

“Would you like a cup of tea, Bartle?” asked Marni. She did not speak unkindly.
“Yes.” The word was a whisper.

“Now, Bartle, I’ve told you about that before. Yes what?”

Marni was smiling, but there was iron in her eyes.

“Yes please.” The whisper took a wile, but it came.

I did not know what I thought about this and gave her an uncertain look.

“Don’t you worry, our Bert,” she said, climbing up to hand Barty his tea and rearranging his blankets gently. “I don’t bully ‘im, nor treat ‘im badly. But I won’t let ‘im be rude to me or the lings, not no more. ‘e’s got to learn ‘ow fings is done in this cube. We want to be ‘appy from now on.”

I hope Marni will succeed in making them a happy family. I think she will, she certainly has enough strength. They were all singing a song together when I left them, some were peeling vegetables, some washing cups, some sweeping the floor. It was how a family should be.

My word I am tired. Going to stop now and sleep. I do wonder how Babsy is getting on, I haven’t heard a word! I do think someone might let me know, I am supposed to be her mentor after all! Oh zlendt! Nia Netbook is acting up, I thought I was going to lose this whole entry! Low country with it, leaving it here, going to sleep.

December 3

Wahoo! Got a little scribble from Babsy today. Not the usual scroll, just a little bit of parchment on my pillow. It said:

“Dear Uncle Bert,”

“I has been terrible bad but I is getting’ better. The gardens here is beautiful and it’s lovely being with Mum. They says I’ll be back afore Christmas.

Love B.”

Bless her, I was so glad to hear from her I came rushing into the den to tell L. She was on the phone and she suddenly slammed it down in a hurry. I wonder who she could have been talking to that she did not want me to hear? She never usually cares if I hear her talking on the phone. Strange.

Oh well, I am going off to do some work and then I’ll come back and watch TV with my Tealy girl. She seems to have a fascination with antiques programs for some reason. She likes shiny pretty things. Will have to ask L to help me choose something especially shiny and pretty for her for Christmas.

And there you have it. I do not have a journal entry today except this one, because I have been sitting in here with Tealy, she has been alternately reading a magazine on my phone, watching TV and sleeping and I have been writing.

It has been a very up and down time, as you saw. At times I behaved like a complete idiot, a not unknown circumstance, but we all got through it. I am just so, so thankful that things are more settled now, that Tealy is on the mend and we can look forward to a happy Christmas.

Well, now you have been brought up to date I am going to go and have dinner with Brian and L. I will try not to leave it another three weeks before catching up with you again. Thanks, as ever, for reading my ramblement. I hope these last few weeks have treated you well. Until we meet again, take care. Big smiles.

December 4.

Hi everyone.

Stars, what a month it has been! Well, about three weeks or so, but it feels longer, actually. At one time I did not know if I was going to put up any more entries on here, even though I was writing them on Nia Netbook. Well, things have settled down quite a bit now and the Lair is in the midst of preparations for Christmas. It is going to be a very different Christmas from the last one and I am going to make absolutely sure it is as fantastic a Christmas as we can possibly make it. It will be our first Christmas together at The Lair after all.

I know, I know, I am rambling and ducking things, I had better get down to it. I have been wondering how much of my recent entries I wanted you to see, but at the end of the day, I have never hidden anything before really, so I think I will just paste them into this document as I wrote them. You may find some of them a bit disturbing. You have been warned. Well, here goes …

November 14.

Stars! Just had a letter from Shana-Sherin! I wrote to Madam Lynnara yesterday because I had not heard from Babsy and I was worried. I had a zlendt good right to be worried, I knew something was wrong, she has been as regular as clockwork with her scroll since she started. Madam L told me she is in the Healing Gardens! The healing gardens, for moon’s sake! She is dangerously ill with mushroom poisoning! Apparently Shana-Sherin are paying for her treatment because it happened while she was under their care. Netta has gone over to be with her, which is not good. I don’t think I can bear it! I have grown to really love that ling! I wonder if they will let me go to, if things get really serious and we have to say goodbyes. I think I will ask.

Things all ok here, this gym craze of L’s is still persisting, it won’t last! I have to say though, her Migraines seem to be a bit better because of it. Roll on Sunday! I want to see Tealy!

November 17.

Zlanny Zbalane! I’m exhausted! So now we are doing three shows a week, not two! It really is going to be a killer. L was not well enough to do Nashville Cats yesterday, so poor Brian had to do it on his own, well, I helped. L well enough to work today, thank the moon, or stars know what would have happened. We got both shows out, I think everyone enjoyed them.

The news from the Old Country is not bad. Netta arrived in the gardens and Babsy is no worse, poor little thing. Apparently the healers say she will recover with the hand’s help. I am very relieved to hear it. This will put her studies back though, I hope they will not move her to another set, it has taken her long enough to get used to where she is.

What I really need now is a long, long sleep and a nice quiet day tomorrow, visiting the family and spending time with my beautiful girl! Next week is going to be quiet, as Brian is away from Monday to Thursday, so L and I will have the place to ourselves and if she is ok it should be lovely. Stars, I am dropping where I sit, must go to bed.

November 18.

I must stay calm. I must. Stay. Calm. I keep telling myself that, but my head is full of thoughts, whirling around and around, my chest feels so tight I can hardly breathe. My eyes are full of unshed tears. If I start crying I just will not stop. And I can’t start, I have to stay calm, I have to be strong. Tealy is lying in my bed and she is only half conscious.

It started out as such a normal Sunday. I got up at my usual time, showered and dressed, made the bed and tidied up, booted up Nia Netbook and had a look to see what the family’s been up to. Mum told me that Barty has finally come out of deep water. I didn’t know how I felt about that. Barty is a pompous idiot and we detest each other, he also has caused a lot of trouble for his family. Still, at the end of the day he is my brother and I do not wish him or anyone dead. Maybe this brush with death will teach him to mend his stupid ways. Anyway I told Mum I was glad he was on the mend. I had a chat with Tovey, he, Lena and Lita seem to all be getting along fine. Lita is still in shock about losing Mart and her youngling, but she is doing well where she is and I felt encouraged about her. I saw that Mella was online and had a chat to her and she asked Tealy and I to come over and have some tea with her, Derry and the lings. This pleased me, we both love Mella and her family.

When I was finished catching up I went into the den to get breakfast. L was having a good day, she was curled up on the sofa with her computer, Brian was at his desk already. I got on with getting breakfast and we ate our bacon, sausages and pancakes sitting around the table in our usual companionable way. How normal it all seemed!

Once I had everything cleared away I put on my thick coat and made my farewells to Brian and L before heading for the colony with a very light heart. Tealy was waiting for me in the zapping bushes as usual. As soon as I saw her I knew there was something not right. Her usually straight, lithe little figure was hunched and huddled against the cold. She was wearing a thick sheepskin coat, a woolly scarf, a furry hat, gloves and she was still shivering with cold.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she said, through chattering teeth. “Can we go inside? I’m frozen.”
I bent to look at her. Her usually peaches and cream skin was pale and clammy. I put a hand under her chin and lifted her face so I could see her more clearly.

“You shouldn’t have come, Zaea,” I said gently. “You don’t look well.”

She pulled her head away from my hand and sniffed.

“It’s only a bit of a cold.” She said thickly. “Please, Bert, standing about in this wind isn’t doing it any good. Let’s get inside!” She sneezed suddenly and pulled out a handkerchief.

“Drat!” She said, plying it, “Disgusting.” She pulled the handkerchief away and was about to hide it, but I stopped her hand. My heart seemed to turn to ice. I had seen a flash of green on it.

“Oh Bert, for gold’s sake let me go and let’s get in!” she snapped.

“No, Tealy.” I pulled the handkerchief out of her hand and looked at it closely. It was streaked with bright green mucus.

“Zaea,” I spoke very quietly. “You cannot go inside the colony. Have you seen anyone since you’ve been here?”

“No,” she looked at me, her huge aqua eyes were bewildered and also, I now saw, rimmed with red. “I felt so awful I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Please, Bert, I can’t stand out here much longer. Why are you looking like that?”

I took her hand.

“We need to get out of here, Zaeahana,” I told her. “Come with me.”

I zapped us to the Lair. It was all I could think of to do. I needed to get Tealy to where she would be safe, warm and comfortable. She could not go back to Elfhold and where else was there? When we got to my closet I told Tealy to get herself into night clothes and into bed. I needed her to be where she was warm and we could look after her properly. While she was doing that I would go and talk to Brian and L and also make some calls.

The first thing I did when I was out of the room was dash into the den and straight up to L. I have been through a lot this year, I have changed a lot, I know I have, but I wonder if there will ever be a time when L will not be the hole I bolt too when things just get too zlendt much to bear.

It must have been a bit surprising for L, I mean, one minute she was sitting there, quietly reading an audio book, the next she was pounced on by 32 inches of hurtling lep. She could not make out what I was babbling at first, so she lifted my head from her shoulder.

“Ok, sweetie, calm down.” She said. “This sounds serious, whatever it is, so histrionics are not going to help anyone. You have to calm down and you have to do it now.”

Her firm, kind voice turned off my blind panic like someone would turn off a tap. Brian got up from the desk, came over to the sofa and sat down. L disengaged me from her and sat me in my normal place.

“Now,” she said, “Tell us.”

I took a very deep breath and fought down the rising tears.

“Tealy has the Green Blight. She is showing classic symptoms. Oh, what can I do?”

L took hold of my hand and squeezed it tight.

“Where is Tealy now, Bert? Is she still in Elfhold?” asked Brian.

“No, she is here, in my closet. She was waiting for me in the zapping bushes when I got to the colony…” I told Brian and L the story of how I had met Tealy and known immediately that she was ill and of my reasoning for bringing her here to the Lair.

“Right,” L sounded very matter-of-fact. “She is here, so we can nurse her together. The first thing we need is information and you downloaded plenty of that the other week when the blight first broke out. You can Email it to me so that I can read up on how to nurse someone with Blight. I’ll need to know everything I can in case you go down with it too and can’t help me.

I stared at her in horror. I had not thought of that.”

“I will also need a contact address for someone at Shana-Sherin in case of, well, emergency. You know. Brian, do you have one?”

“No, I don’t.” said Brian. “They certainly know how to reach me. Professor Delian Emailed me that time you went AWOL, Bert and I was able to reply to that Email, but when I tried to find the address again it had been erased.”

“Shana-Sherin monitor me at random, L,” I said, “I think they would know for sure if anything happened. Anyway I don’t care about that, I only care about Tealy.”

“Bert, you may not care, but we certainly do!” Brian sounded very grave. “This strain of Green Blight is obviously aggressive and whether you choose to think about it or not, you have chosen to put yourself at serious risk.”

“Well, what would you have done?” I flared up angrily. “Left her in the biting cold to fend for herself?”

“Bert, please don’t speak to me like that.” I was silent. Brian and L did not have to take care of Tealy. They did not legally have to take care of me if I got sick, they could send me straight back to Shana-Sherin.

“I’m sorry.” I said in a very small voice. “You could send me back to Shana-Sherin if I get sick, L.”

“As if!” L squeezed my hand. “We’ve told you before. You’re our lep, you’re our family, that’s all there is to it. But you’ve got to let us think ahead. Being panicky and angry isn’t going to help. Now, we can get info on how to nurse Tealy and maybe you, but there is more we may need. Medicines. You need to talk to Kori, Bert and see what is needed.”

“I will talk to her,” I said, “And maybe she can tell me what plants to get and how to make the medicine, but I am not good at those kinds of things and I don’t have the right help from the hand. Kori’s own medicines would be better!”

“Well,” Brian looked thoughtful, “She cannot meet you, you can’t go to her, but could she not leave the medicines somewhere for you?”

“Good idea, B!” L gave him an approving smile. “Bert, couldn’t you send her a, what do you call it, a map? She could put the medicines in our mailbox.”

And so it was settled. I just so thank the hand that I work for humans who are as amazing as they are! Where else could I have got a job with people who care enough about me to take in my girl and care for her, even if it means I might get sick and not be able to work and need nursing too. I’m so grateful to them I don’t have words to write it down.

I called Kori and told her what was what. She sounded very worried.

“That’s bad, our Bert,” she said. “When the Blight lies quiet like that then wakes up again it’s not never nuffink good. An’ it’s the elf, you say? Well, we can try, Bert, but I ain’t never nursed a elf wiv blight, so it’s trial an’ error. We need to get the antifungal tincture into ‘er straight off. show me where to come. I’ll bring what you need an’ you’ll need to give ‘er a measure once every hour for the next twenty-four. She ain’t been caught early enough an’ we got to stop it from getting’ on to ‘er lungs. For the rest, get plenty o’ clean water into ‘er, keep ‘er warm an’ quiet, if ‘er temperature goes up an’ she feels ‘ot an’ dry call me straight away, same goes if you ‘ear ‘er breath get rattly. Make sure she ain’t layin’ down flat, prop ‘er up on pillows, ok?”

Within ten minutes, Kori called back to tell me the medicine had been left in our mailbox and L went out to fetch it. She returned with a small cloudy glass bottle with a tiny metal cup on its lid.

“Here you are, sweetie,” she said. “Go and get some of this into her straight away. Set a timer on your phone. Once every hour. Stay with her and let us know if there’s anything you need. We’ll take care of ourselves and anything else that needs doing.”

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and pushed me gently towards the closet door.

Tealy was lying in bed drowsing uneasily. I went to get more pillows and propped her up so that she was half-sitting rather than lying flat. I poured a milky liquid from the bottle Kori had given me into the medicine cup and held it to Tealy’s lips. She wrinkled her nose in disgust, but swallowed it down and after that seemed to sleep more deeply. I got Nia Netbook and my phone, settled on the sofa where I could see the bed and here I have been ever since.

I have been giving the medicine for about nine hours, but Tealy is getting steadily worse. Her eyes and lips are swelling, there is green coming from her mouth and nose which I wipe away so she can breathe, when I care for her or give her the medicine she looks at me as if she does not know who I am or where she is. She has not spoken at all since she came here. It is as if she has been turned into someone else. But she has not. That is my Tealy girl there. My beautiful, sweet, vivacious Tealy girl who grew and changed so much and helped my family when she did not have to and who wants to be with me and I can’t bear it! Why in the name of the moon, why! If I could only understand! Hand, you gave her to me, are you going to take her away again just as I am finding out how beautiful it is to really love someone?

I must stop, this is not helping. It is almost time to give Tealy her medicine and I want to give her another drink too. It is going to be a long night. L says I should sleep on the futon but there is no need. I need to be here to take care of Tealy. I will doze on the sofa in between caring for her. Pray to the hand she is better tomorrow!

November 19

So tired, so, so tired! Have given Tealy all the tincture, called Kori and told her so. She left different potion in mail box, bigger bottle. Says to give every three hours and that I must be sure to sleep or I’ll go down too. I’ve tried, dozed a bit, but so worried, can’t really get off.

Tealy no better today. Very white, clammy, sweating, eyes very red and swollen, don’t think she can really see. Her temperature is going up, but she does not feel dry and breath not rattling. She said one word today. She said: “Hinky?” Thought my heart would break. Is she still not over him? Oh stars! Oh, just stars! Am I only going to be second best for her? OH stop it, Bert! Getting her better is what is important at the moment. Anything else is completely unimportant. Yes, but why did she say Hinky? She was delirious, you idiot! But when the guard is right down, is that not when the truth comes out? If she said Hinky then wasn’t that because she wanted Hinky to be nursing her, not me? Enough! Enough! I don’t care. The Blight is not going to take her, not if I can help it! She kissed the Wishstone with me, that has to count for more than what she said when she was completely delirious. It has to, doesn’t it? Please, hand. Doesn’t it?

November 20

Everything the same only worse really. Tealy’s temperature still going up, though she’s clammy not dry. Eyes swollen shut, can’t see, so very disorientated and distressed. Stayed awake most of last night, trying to keep her calm, kept talking to her when she got upset. This morning went out to grab cup of tea, only floor kind of came up to meet me.

Next thing I remember was lying in cool room, gazing up at ceiling I’ve never seen before. Found out later that L had heard a bump and come out of den to find me collapsed on hall floor. She had taken me, passed out cold and laid me on her bed where I had slept for about seven hours. L looked after Tealy meanwhile. Thank the moon I have an IPhone so she could turn on Voiceover and see how long it was till Tealy’s next dose!

I came back to nurse Tealy so L could rest. Found her in state she’s in now. She hasn’t said anything else, she just wails and cries when she wakes and doesn’t know where she is. She looks so tiny, it’s like she’s shrinking into herself. I can see tinges of green around her nose and lips. I wonder if that’s just from the stuff staining her skin, or something more sinister. Hmm. I better call Kori.

November 21 I think.

Stars! What a day. Called Kori when I finished writing and she did not say much. She said it could be mucus staining the skin or it could be more. She just said if I felt the skin dry out and the temperature was still high, or I heard coughing or rattling in the breath I should call straight away. I sat on the sofa and stared at Tealy until my eyes burned. I got up, wiped her face when she needed it, talked to her, gave her medicine and drinks, cared for her needs and in between I kept touching her skin and looking at her. She seemed to be no worse, if no better either.

I do not know at what point my over-taxed brain shut itself down and my eyes closed. All I remember is waking up to the insistent sounds of my timer going off, L shaking my shoulder and Tealy wailing at the top of her voice and interspersing the wails with coughs which chilled my blood once I had fought my way out of the depths of unconsciousness and grasped what they meant.

I stilled the timer, jumped to my feet and ran to the bed. Tealy’s whole face was now tinged with green, her skin was dry and heat radiated from it. Zlendt, I thought. Zlanny Zlendt. Oh hand preserve us and help us all!

After one moment of horrified immobility I made a beeline for my phone, grabbed it and called Kori’s number. She answered, sounding perfectly alert and wide awake.

“Ok, our Bert, tell me exactly what she looks like an’ ‘ow she sounds. Try to stay calm an’ be thorough, ‘er life could depend on it.” Is the first thing she said.

I took a very deep breath. I described tealy’s symptoms in as much detail as I could. When I was finished there was a long silence.

“All right, our Bert,” said Kori, “first we ‘as to try an’ get a sweat to break. A sweat will bring the temperature down. She needs lots of covers, ‘ot bottle at ‘er feet, an’ you need to mull wine or Zair wiv the powder I’ll leave you. Give ‘er a measure, I’ll leave that too, every hour. Put a cool cloth on ‘er head while you’re keepin’ the rest of ‘er warm. Keep the room quiet an’ very calm an’ the lights low. Understand all that, Bert?”

“Yes,” I told her.

“Good,” said Kori, “Then we ‘as to try an’ kill the fungus in ‘er lungs. The tincture won’t ‘elp no more, we needs to get right to the place. I’ll need you to rub on a special embrocation I’ll leave you. This goes through the skin and what’s inside it will attack the fungus on the lungs. Rub it on the chest once every hour.”

“Oh stars.” I suddenly felt very confused and blushed bright red. “I don’t know if she’d want me to. Isn’t there a potion she could take?”

“Oh for stars’ sake! Do you want to save ‘er or not! Get your ‘uman to ‘elp if you’re comin’ over all gentlemanly! We got to get this off ‘er lungs or she’s a gonner! You got that?”

“Yes, Kori, I’ve got it.” I felt like a fool.

“Tel you the truth, Bert, you better be prepared. You know once the Blight gets on the lungs the chances is less than fifty fifty.” Kori’s voice was sorrowful and weary. “We’ll do all we can, but you better make up your mind an’ say your goodbyes.”

I hung up the phone in tears which I could not stop. For about ten minutes I totally gave way to what I had been trying to push down since Tealy was taken ill. Then my text alert went off and it was from Kori to let me know that the latest batch of medicine was in the mail box. Feeling unutterably tired, sad and old, I put on my coat and trudged out to fetch it.

What time is it now? About twenty past eleven. We have been very busy. For about the last six hours we have been treating Tealy. I mulled wine with sugar, water and the powder that Kori left us. It looks to be a mixture of finely ground plants, herbs and seeds. It makes a nice spicy smell in the mull. I have been feeding this to Tealy once each hour. She cannot drink properly anymore, her mouth is so swollen, so I have to use a little spoon and feed her. Thank the hand she can still swallow or stars know what would happen! I look after her hot water bottle, bathe her head with cool cloths, make sure she is as comfortable as possible. L runs gofer for me, brings anything I need and L also does the rub with the antifungal ointment once an hour. We make a good nursing team, but we are both getting extremely tired!

I wish I could say that all our hard work is doing some good, but at this moment Tealy is still fiercely hot, her skin is still getting greener, her breathing is still rattling and her coughing frightens me to death. Kori says to be prepared and say my goodbyes but I cannot. I am far too angry. This is so monumentally unfair! How can I say goodbye to her? WE barely had time to say hello!

November 22.

My beautiful girl! Oh Tealy Tealy! OH my beautiful girl! Awful awful awful! Why did this have to happen?

Brian home, tower of strength. L and I so so tired, just so devastated. Oh Tealy Tealy, my little Tealy even green inside your ears, I can’t bear to see it!

Paracetamol? What? They say bring down fever. Mild drug for humans may be strong on elves. L says nothing to lose and Brian agrees. They say medieval medicine isn’t cutting it. But human drugs on an elf? Might kill her. She’s almost gone anyway. Tealy oh Tealy tealy! L crushed up one tablet in water. Brian held Tealy’s head and I fed it to her.

Time for the mull. Low country with the mull, pouring it down sink, not working! Brian agrees, he says give paracetamol a chance. L says go on with rub though, she’s doing it. Oh my poor Zaeahana, skin and bones, just look at you! Green all over! Want to scream, want to throw this machine right across room! So unfair! Why, why Tealy?

Tired to death. Brian wants me sleep on futon but can’t, have to be with my girl if… Hand, hand, hand please please please! Just please, just please! Not. Tealy!

November 23

Don’t dare to believe it yet. 4 AM, sure she’s cooler. Think I may be just hoping. Please hand. Please, hand!

L gave Tealy another Paracetamol crushed up in water. Still going on with rubs. Brian’s taken over gofer so L can sleep. I’m doing rubs now, think it’s what Tealy would want anyway. Hope so.

Hand! Oh hand thank you! This time no imagination, it’s working! She’s sweating! The fever has broken!

Had to call Kori, didn’t know what to do. Green water pouring off tealy, horrible! Kori did not seem sure what to do either. Said she had only seen the treatment work once or twice. Did not say about paracetamol. She told us that in a lep colony a lep sweating green lay on piles of leaves which were changed when they got sodden for fresh ones. WE had no leaves, so I grabbed an armful of towels. Hmm, I think I am going to have to spend a good bit of my savings replacing L’s stock of clean towels. Tealy ruined rather a lot of them before she had finished leaching green out of her skin. I will try washing them, but I do not think that stain will ever come out. L, bless her, says towels are not important.

My girl is sleeping now so I have time to take a breath. Oh, I am just bursting with thankfulness to the hand for giving her back to me!

When the worst of the sweating was over, we washed Tealy and dried her with the one clean towel we had left and when we were done, her skin was cool and its normal colour again! She was still breathing noisily, but it was much easier than it had been. I was just helping L to tuck the duvet around her shoulders, when she opened her eyes. Opened them fully, clearly and looked right at me.

“Bert,” she whispered in a thread of her normal crystalline tones. Brian and L got up quietly and left the room.

“Yes, Zaeahana, I’m here,” I said, touching her hand.

“Stay with me.” It was no more than a breath, but I caught it. With an effort the big eyes came up and met mine and I saw the truth of her feeling for me in them.

“Always.” I could do no more than whisper for the lump in my throat, but I held her gaze and we said things which needed no words. Then I bent and kissed her ears and cheeks and, after a pause, lightly touched my lips to hers. She sighed, closed her eyes and drifted into a deep sleep. She is still sleeping and I keep looking up from the screen to take peeks at her. She is looking better every minute.

I just cannot thank the hand enough for its help! For sending me to work with humans and such humans, who took tealy in and nursed her and thought of giving her paracetamol! Stars! I am just lightheaded with relief. Think I will catch a doze while I can.

November 24

My girl is going to be fine! She is she is! It is going to take a while, she will need to recover, but she is going to be all right, Kori says so! We are going on with the rubs, every three hours now, Kori says there may still be some fungus lurking on the lungs and Tealy is still a bit wheezy, so it makes sense. L also suggest we go on with mild dose of Paracetamol every six hours over weekend, to make sure fever stays down. She proposes one tablet then reducing to half tablet, which I agree with.

This morning my girl has eaten some pureed strawberries. Kori said she could eat pureed food or soup, nothing really solid yet. Brian had to go out and get the fruit and I did the cute toddler thing, a very weary-looking toddler actually, but luckily the greengrocer’s shop was busy so we passed almost unnoticed. I am in such a good mood at the moment that fifty ladies could pat my head and I would not complain! Well, hardly complain then.

Saturday afternoon and I should be helping L with The Bear’s Lair, only I am in here with Tealy. She is sleeping a lot and her lungs are sounding easier. Can hardly bear to take my eyes off her. To think how near I came…

November 25

Have just had a blazing row with Brian and L. They want me to go to the colony today while they look after Tealy. They say I need a break, that it will do me good to get away for a few hours and see the family and get a breath of air. How absolutely could they? Don’t they realize how zlendt near I came to losing her? Don’t they know that I am never never never willingly letting her out of my sight again? Well, not until she is one hundred per cent better, anyway! My stupid family don’t need me, they can get on fine without me, I need to stay here with Tealy and I told them so! L put on that super kind reasonable voice she does when she is trying to talk me into something.

“Tealy will be fine with us, sweetie,” she said. “You know we’ll take care of her and we’ll call you in a second if anything serious happens and she needs you.”

I honestly felt like slapping her. Who does she think she is anyway? She thinks if she puts on that voice and cuddles me she can get me to do anything. Well I’m not her lap puppy, not anymore I’m not! I hovered up until I was right on a level with her face and spoke very loudly.

“Shut up, L! You can’t always make me do what you want. I’m staying here with Tealy today and that’s that!”

“Bert!” Brian had come out of the bedroom where he had been getting ready and he was looking furious. “Don’t you dare talk to L like that! After everything she’s done for you this week!

That gave me pause for a minute and maybe things would have calmed down, but then he said:” “You are evidently not yourself or you wouldn’t be behaving like this at all. Now get yourself ready and go on your day out. At once.”

I do not often outright lose my temper, but I just lost it then, good and proper.

“No, I zlanny well won’t and you can’t make me! You and L seem to think I’m some kind of pet you can just order about. Well I’m not. I don’t want to go out today, I want to stay with Tealy and that is what I am going to do!”

“I can’t make you, can I not?” Brian’s voice was very serious. “Do you really want another order on your record, Bert?”

This should have taken the wind completely out of my sails, but for some reason, well, for the reason that I have been under so much strain all week and I am over tired and completely at the end of my rope, it just snapped me.

“Go on then,” I jeered. “Give me an order! Write to Shana-Sherin! Sack me! Do whatever you like! I’m absolutely past caring!”

I turned on my heel and ran for my closet. Brian was looking stony-faced and L was crying. I didn’t care. I don’t care. Wish I couldn’t hear L sobbing through the wall. Well it serves her right! I am staying here with Tealy today. Just wish I did not feel so miserable.

Just finished doing Double. They offered me pizza but wanted to get back here to make sure Tealy’s ok. She is, she’s been listening, bless her! Only just got back from colony in time to help with Double. Yes, of course I went and no, Brian did not give me an order.

Basically, once I had finished putting all that horrible stuff down here I sat beside Tealy and listened to L crying and Brian trying to comfort her and I remembered all the great stuff they’d done for me, including the paracetamol without which Tealy would not even be here, for stars’ sake! I took a good look at myself in my little mirror and a tired, white face with red-rimmed eyes looked back. I realized exactly how little sleep and how little food I have had this week. It must be some kind of explanation, or how could I have treated my absolutely dearest friends in that way?

Well, I need not tell you too much about the next bit, of course I rushed out into the den, apologised, a lot. Hugged poor L, a very lot, thanked them both for everything they had done for me and I do mean that so very much and then I got ready to go home for the day.

I got to Mum’s at about half past eleven. She took one look at me, then she whisked out the swinging bed, she and Dad practically manhandled me on to it, Dad handed me a tin cup and told me to drink what was in it. Next thing I knew Mum was shaking me gently.

“Son, if you want to get back for seven, you best get up now.”

I blinked and looked around. It was dark outside. I had slept all day and felt much better for it.

I arrived back at the Lair just in time to help with Down for Double, as I said and now I am sitting here. I am just going to make sure Tealy has everything she needs and then I’m going to make up a bed on the sofa. I could sleep for a week!

November 26

Had such a shock today! Everything started nice and normal apart from Tealy being here. She had peach puree for breakfast and L took her and gave her shower and hair wash. L had to help as Tealy still very weak and wobbly. When she was all clean she fluttered her fingers and made some pyjamas, white with big yellow daisies on them, told me to throw old ones away.

L just had Tealy propped up on clean pillows when there was a kind of pop and that old elf, Tealy’s boss, was in the room. Don’t know his name, but he had Bilby written on his mug, he came plus half-eaten breakfast last time, so I assume his name might be Bilby. Anyway, he was wearing a suit this time, carrying a clipboard and not looking friendly.

“Absent without leave, Tealy?” he said, staring down his nose at her as she lay in bed.

“I apologise, sir,” said Tealy weakly.

“I was in no condition to ask leave, alert anyone or do anything before today. I have been stricken with green blight and am lucky to be alive.”

The old elf produced a gold pencil and scribbled on his clipboard.

“Hmm.” He said, peering at Tealy over his gold-rimmed spectacles.

“Well, to your credit, young Tealy, you did not bring this Green Blight back to Elfhold. When do you expect to be able to return to work?”

I did not give Tealy time to answer.

“Tealy will not be able to work until the new year, sir.” I said firmly. “She very nearly died. If you are agreeable it would be safe for her to return to Elfhold in the third week of December, by that time she will be no danger to anyone. But she needs to fully recover and get her strength back, according to our best physicians, or she may sicken again. No work for at least five or six weeks. The beginning of the new year should be soon enough for that.”

The elderly elf gave me a piercing look, then returned his gaze to Tealy.

“WE will expect you back in Elfhold no later than December 20,” He said disapprovingly. “You have leave of absence from work until January 2. Good day to you all.”

And suddenly he was just not there anymore.

Well, now we can all relax. Brian and L have been very good about this whole thing. L is helping me to care for Tealy, Brian has let me off most of the work I would normally need to do for him. We are all adjusting into life with one more of us in the Lair.

November 30.

Wow in a box! Have I got news for you or what? First things first. These last few days have been uneventful, my girl is getting better each day. Sorry for the TMI here, but she brought up a load of disgusting green gunge on Wednesday night, nearly frightened us all to death, including herself. I called Kori at 3 AM, but she just laughed and clapped her hands. Apparently that was the best news she had heard all week. Since that little jolly, Tealy’s lungs are no longer wheezing like a pair of bellows and she is visibly improving every day. Thanks be to the hand!

Anyway, the news! You are not going to believe this, well, I can hardly believe it myself! Logged on to Facebook this morning to find the family in the uproar of all time! Guess what? Well, you know Barty came out of deep water? I think we all thought he was automatically going to be the old Barty, pompous, dogmatic, control freak, successful, “I am the big I am!” Barty. Only it seems not. Going into WillSleep has permanently weakened him. Gwen says that he will never again be what he was. What is more, there is no way he can work at the moment. Only the hand knows if he will ever be able to work.

It seems that Gwen went to Minnimarni where she was living with the Handers and explained all this to her. Apparently Marni, who has been so quiet and listless for so long, suddenly became absolutely full of strength and determination.

“Then it’s up to me, ain’t it, Gwen,” she said. “I can take care of the family.”

“But Marni,” Gwen’s supposed to have said, “Your dissolution hearing. Barty can hardly contest it now. You can make a new life for yourself and your lings.”

“I would rather make a better old one for ‘em.” Marni said. “Besides,” and Gwen said she smiled in a way which made her quiet little face glow all over with mischief. “Dissolvin’ it would be just too easy. The one fing Barty really don’t like is a woman what’s in charge of fings. Reckon ‘e’ll pay for all ‘e put us through if ‘e ‘as to sit in a chair for the rest of ‘is natural an’ see me puttin’ the food on the table an’ tellin’ ‘im what to do!”

So there it is. Marni and the lings are back at Barty’s big cube now. Barty is so frail that all he can do is sit, swaddled in blankets, in the warmest corner. Marni sees to everything. She has got herself a job in the foraging department under Tovey, it’s only in Admin but it’s bringing in the grains. Marni has always been a good forager in her own right so there is no need to draw colony rations. There she is now, ruling the roost and putting the wood in the stove and the food on the table. Barty does not dare lift a finger without her say so. I have to laugh! Serve him zlendt well right!

December 23.

Hi everyone.

Only two days till Christmas! I would say woot woot and do a little dance, only L let me try a snowball, a fizzy, frothy, creamy alcoholic drink last night and this morning I am feeling far too delicate to do anything but sit very still and be quiet. Life has been extremely hectic and as I am feeling far too ill to go home to the colony today I think I had better bring you up to date with my news.

Let’s see, I left off on December 4 didn’t I? Well, the rest of that week was lovely, quiet and uneventful. L’s parents came around and helped her with some things she needed doing, they also brought over a beautiful Christmas tree. Apparently L has never had one before. I could hardly wait to get my hands on it. L’s Mum put up some decorations, but L said I could do some more. For the rest of the time I took care of Tealy who went on improving, although she was still required by Kori to stay in bed. She was a very good patient, She loved to watch TV, read magazines on my phone or surf the web. I think I have said before that information is quite hard to come by in Elfhold, so Tealy was having a ball finding out about all kinds of things in the human world. I know if I have to stay in bed for any length of time, most notably when I was in hospital last Christmas, I get quickly bored and my temper becomes appalling, but Tealy never complained once, she was grateful for everything that was done for her and she always found a smile for me, even when she was obviously really tired.

Friday and Saturday of that week were their usual mad selves and we got the shows out and I think everyone enjoyed them. I wasn’t going to go to the colony on Sunday, I really didn’t want to leave Tealy alone all day but L said she would take care of Tealy for me and Brian insisted I needed a break and a breath of air. Even Tealy told me I ought to go and as things turned out it’s just as well I did!

I got up on Sunday, folded up the futon where I had been sleeping since Tealy was well enough to be left at nights, showered, got dressed, tidied things up, then I took Tealy a cup of the mint tea L has here and which she has grown to love. After that I got Nia Netbook booted up. She was being a complete horror and took ages to load Facebook. I curled up on the sofa while Tealy sipped her tea and brought up my family Facebook page. I zlendt nearly dropped my netbook.

There was the typhoon of a row going on! Apparently, Marni had gone out foraging yesterday and had taken some of the lings and the rest had gone down to see Andi. When she got back, the cube was full of council members. Apparently, my wonderful, noble brother had gone out into the thoroughfare, called the neighbours to help him and begged them to fetch the watchers. He told them that Minnimarni was starving and abusing him because he had contested her dissolution hearing, he said she was unfit to look after him in his invalid state or to look after the lings. Apparently he had told such a convincing tale that the watchers believed him and called the council.

When Marni got back she defended herself, but they would not believe her. Barty was respected and well known, poor Marni was no one. The council members took the lings away, they sent them back to Andi’s, Marni was taken to Guard’s quarters overnight and Barty was taken to the head council member’s home until a special hearing could be convened the following day to decide what to do.

To say that I was furious would be an understatement. I could not believe that my brother would stoop so low. After everything he had put his family through he was receiving care and kindness from his wife but he just could not bear not to be in control, so rather than that he was prepared to break the whole family up. Of course, the rest of the family was in uproar. Mum was having a bird, Dad was furious, some were wondering if it was true but most didn’t believe it and thought Barty’s behaviour was despicable.

I was still elbow deep in the news feeds and had just found out that the special council hearing was set for that very day at noon, when a little voice from across the room said:

“Darling, what’s wrong? You never looked so angry before.”

I told Tealy everything that was happening and she went completely still for a few moments. Then her beautiful little face suddenly registered determination all over.

“I can stop it, Bert,” she said.

“Zaea, you can’t stop anything. You’re not allowed out of bed for at least another few days. There’s nothing you can do from here.”

Tealy wasn’t listening. She had fluttered her fingers and a neat pile of clothes had appeared on my desk chair.

“Bert, could you fetch L?” she said. “I need a shower and I’m still wobbly on my feet in there. Could she help me?”

I started to argue, but Tealy turned to me, her huge eyes sparkling with emotion.

“Darling, Barty is not getting away with this while I can do anything to stop him! I am going to that hearing if you have to carry me there. Now come on, we don’t have much time.”

It took our combined efforts to get Tealy ready, but finally we had her dressed in a soft turquoise wool dress, long warm sheepskin boots, a matching sheepskin coat and a thick turquoise scarf. She had on her silver bangles with turquoise hearts on them and matching hair bobbles. She looked white and shaky but very beautiful. I put an arm around her, she leaned against me and we zapped to the colony.

WE had taken our time getting Tealy ready, so we had no time to go anywhere on arriving at the colony, we had to head straight for the council chambers. It was nearly noon when we got there and we were stopped at the door by a solid looking Guarder who did not look like letting me through in a hurry.

“Now then, sir,” he said. “This is a private hearing. You have no business here.”

“Indeed I have,” I answered. “I am Bertalius Alfardan. I have important evidence to give. With me is Tealy the elf. She has permission to speak in council in the matter of the dissolution of Bartle and Minnimarni and she has evidence pertaining to this hearing that the council needs to hear.”

The guarder went away and after a decent interval he returned. With him, to my surprise, was the elderly council member who had interrupted Barty’s speech at the hearing before.

“You are Bertalius, the brother of Bartle?” he said, looking at me hard.

“I am, sir,” I said.

“Yes, yes yes.” He looked at me hard through short-sighted eyes. “You were the one gave evidence about the tree bark and pine needles as I recall. And this is the elf who says she can prove once and for all the truth or the lie of it, is that not so?”

“It is, sir,” Tealy looked steadily at him. “I can give the council incontrovertible proof that Mr Bartle is a liar, as well as a bad Father.”

“Well well.” The old lep looked rather pleased. “Come in, but sit at the back, out of the line of sight. Let the acorns all fall so that he cannot go back, nor gainsay himself. Then we will prove him false once and for all.”

Tealy and I snuk in to the cube and seated ourselves in a corner right at the back where no one could see us. We could see Barty, he was at the front of the cube, sitting in a big chair, all swaddled up in blankets and looking completely pathetic. Marni was also there, she sat hunched between two Guarders. She was trembling, white and tearful. No one else had been allowed in.

The council clerk declared the hearing in session and the head council member cleared his throat.

“fellow members I am sorry to have had to convene this hearing at this short notice, but seldom have I seen a more distressing case and we must decide what to do in a hurry. We have, as you can see, a case of shocking neglect and abuse before us and the good name of our whole colony is affected. Now, Mr Bartle, please to tell your story.”

Barty lifted his head weakly and began to speak in a thin whine. I will not write it all down here as he went on for a long time and apart from anything else, the thought of what he said makes me sick to my stomach. Basically he told the council that Marni had been a bad wife since he had married her. He had cared for her and his family all their married life but she had done nothing but upbrade and abuse him and their leplings. Finally she had run away from home leaving the leplings behind. He said that he had taken the leplings straight to his eldest daughter’s house for their safekeeping, but that his wife had then, with the help of some of his disloyal family members, got up a story against him that he had abused and starved his lings and tried to take them away from him forever.

He said that, when the blight had struck he was so weakened by lack of food and proper care that he had been obliged to go into WillSleep from which he had been lucky to recover. At which point, Barty went on, his errant wife swept back, took possession of their marital home, brought his leplings out of the safe place he had taken them and began to rule the cube with a rod of iron, no one was safe from her, least of all himself.

Now, when I am writing this down, I am aware of how ridiculous it sounds, but I swear, if you had heard him you would have believed him, Barty is not the best advocate in the colony for nothing. He is a fine actor. He had tears in his eyes at the end. If I had not known that everything he said was a complete pack of lies I would have believed it myself.

All this time, poor Marni sat with her head bowed, tears coursing down her face. When Barty had finished his story by begging the council to help him and his leplings, the head of the council turned sternly to Marni and glared at her.

“Fem, have you anything to say for yourself?”

Marni looked at him with red, swollen eyes.

“It ain’t true, your honour.” She said quietly. “Not one word of it is true. I’d swear it on the ‘and, only you still wouldn’t believe me.”

“Quiet, fem!” the head council member’s voice rose sharply. “We will have no sacrilege here! Now, fellow members, what can be done about this distressing case?”

I was expecting to be called then, but I was not. There was a bit of discussion and the general consensus was that the best thing was to send Barty to the Old Country, there was nowhere in the colony where he could be properly cared for. Barty was beginning to look intolerably smug. The lings were to stay with Andi who was to be moved into Barty’s cube and as for Marni? Well, she was going to be thrown out of the colony if I was any judge. It was all just about to be agreed when there was the sound of a dry cough.

“Fellow members.” The elderly council member had raised a hand. “I think we are all running on a little too fast here. Mr Bartle is an advocate. He has obviously convinced you that his tale is true. But convincing people is his job. Do you think you would not do well to consider the alternatives?”

“Oh come, Fredwald, you are wasting time! There is no evidence, not one shred, except this fem’s word.”

“Ah,” said the elderly lep, “But should you discount that so quickly? She says she would swear on the hand that she has not abused her husband nor her leplings. Mr Bartle, would you swear, swear upon the Helping Hand, that every word you have spoken in this cube today is the truth? The truth, as the Hand sees you?”

There was a long, long, long silence. Then Barty croaked.

“Yes.”

“You do not seem sure, Mr Bartle,” Fredwald, the elderly lep leaned forward, staring piercingly at Barty. “You are sure you would swear on the Hand that you are speaking every word of the truth? Remember, you carry a little of the Hand in you. If you are false to it, do you think it does not know?”

“I feel ill!” Barty’s head dropped. “Why am I being bullied like this?”

“I put it to you, Mr Bartle, that you cannot swear on the Hand because every word you have spoken in this cube has been a lie. I further put it to you that you requested a closed hearing today so that no one could give evidence contradicting those lies.”

“Rubbish! Your honour, let me go home. I feel faint.”

Barty had begun to tremble and look deathly white.

“Fredwald,” The head council member was looking uncertain.

“The fact that Mr Bartle will not swear on the Hand is much, I grant you, but we have no evidence that he is lying.”

“I can prove that he is lying, your honour.”

Tealy had stood up. She walked steadily to the front of the room.

“I am tealy the elf,” she said clearly. “Please, hold me excused that I came into a private hearing. I thought it very important, both for the sake of Minnimarni and the leplings and also that your colony should not do a serious wrong and have its good name blotted forever.”

Everyone was staring at Tealy open-mouthed.

“Miss Tealy,” the head council member looked completely at sea. “You say you can incontrovertibly prove that Mr Bartle is lying. How can you do this? Surely you can only tell what you have seen, as can anyone else?”

“No, your honour. I am an elf. We have technology far superior to that of the lep culture, even superior to humans in some ways. I should explain that when I depart from Elfhold I am required to keep a log of all that I do. Also, since Bertalius and I have been close, I have taken to randomly looking at him to make sure he was safe and sound whenever he left his home. By merest chance my equipment picked up something which has relevance to this case. Please, do not be alarmed at what you are about to see.”

Tealy pushed back the sleeves of her coat and fiddled with her bangles. I wondered what on earth she was doing. She selected two of the bangles and touched two of the hearts together. Suddenly, there was a kind of luminescence in the air which grew brighter.

“This scene took place on December second, sir.” She said calmly.

Suddenly, right there in the middle of the council chamber, a three-dimensional picture of the inside of Barty and Marni’s cube came into being. With the picture came sound. We could hear the lings laughing and playing on the floor, or going about their various jobs. Marni was cooking. Barty was tucked up in his swinging chair, wrapped warmly, clean and well-cared-for. There was one particular moment when the very smallest boy fell down, Marni went and picked him up, held him to her for a second and kissed him. You got a close up of her face, the love shining out of her eyes just took your breath away.

Then there was the moment when she climbed up to the swinging chair.

“Would you like a cup of tea, Bartle?” she had asked kindly.

“Yes.” Came the whisper.

“Now, Bartle, I’ve told you about that before. Yes what?”

A pause.

“Yes please.” The real Barty looked murderous and croaked “You see?”

“Well Mr Bartle, that is really abusive behaviour, asking you to display good manners? Yes indeed, tut tut!” said Fredwald. The other council members laughed and Barty ground his teeth.

“Don’t you worry, our Bert,” Marni was saying, “I don’t bully ‘im, nor treat ‘im badly, but I won’t let ‘im be rude to me or the lings, not no more. ‘e’s got to learn ‘ow fings is done in this cube. WE wants to be ‘appy from now on.”

Soon after that the picture faded away with a pop. There was a silence.

“Now, your honours,” said Tealy, “I will show you something else and I warn you this is much more disturbing. Bert and I paid a visit to Bartle’s cube about three days after Marni had been forcibly locked inside for the crime of asking to be allowed to visit her elder daughter. She managed to get out and ran away from fear of what he would do to her. Bert and I were worried about the leplings so we went to see if we could help.”

Again Tealy fiddled with her bangles. She touched two hearts together and once more the picture came up, in three D, sharp and clear. She and I were standing outside Barty’s cube, knocking at the white door.

“Someone’s out there.” That was Mick’s voice.

“Shut up, our Mick! Daddy told you not to open the door to no one!”

“Yeah but it might be granny or someone wiv food. If you ain’t powerful ‘ungry I am!”

We saw Mick open the door to us and tell us of their pitiful plight. “We ain’t ‘ad nuffink but tree bark an’ pine needles for days.” We heard Mick say it himself. I saw Barty’s head drop right down almost to his knees.

The picture followed us into the disgusting squalor of the cube, it panned around the pinched, starved little faces of the leplings. I felt again my rage when I had found those poor lings in that condition. When the picture finally faded Tealy was swaying on her feet and I rushed to hold her up.

“Honoured council members,” I said. “You have now seen ample proof that my brother has done nothing but waste your time for months. Please do not let him take up much more of it. I humbly ask that you will let Minnimarni have her leplings back, go back to her home and get on with making a new life for her family.”

There was a stunned silence. For at least a whole minute nothing moved in the cube except Tealy, who was swaying worse than ever.

“Come come, fellow members.” That was Fredwald. He was looking at Barty as if he was some disgusting fungal growth. “You have now seen beyond any shadow of doubt what this, ahem.” He put a load of sarcasm into the next word, “Respected leprechaun is. It is now time for you to do what should have been done long before. It is time to do what is just and right.”

There was a shifting among the members as they all tried to get as far away from Barty’s big chair as they could.

“Madam Minnimarni,” said the head council member. “WE owe you a sincere apology. You have leave to collect your family as soon as you wish and return to your cube and you will have no more trouble from anyone. But what do you wish to do about Mr Bartle? After everything he has put you through you will not wish to go on caring for him surely? If you wish it we will send him from here to the Old Country and you need never see him again.”

“I Fank you, your honour,” said Marni humbly. “Let me ‘ave a couple of hours to put fings straight at ‘ome, but then you can send Bartle back there. Our marriage is not dissolved, ‘e is sick an’ can’t take care of ‘imself. I know my duty an’ I will do it. The only fing I ask is that what’s ‘appened in this room is made public. I want everyone in this colony to know that I ain’t a bad wife, nor a bad mother an’ that what Bartle says ain’t true.”

The members of the council looked at Marni as if they had never seen her before. I have never seen such amazement in anyone’s faces!

“We owe you nothing less,” said Fredwald gravely. “Mr Bertalius, Miss Tealy, this colony owes you a debt of gratitude. A severe miscarriage of justice, not to mention a heavy monetary cost has been averted today. You have our sincere thanks.”

I would have answered, but at that moment Tealy crumpled to the floor. She had tried her strength too hard and had passed out cold.

Well, that was the end of the hearing as far as we were concerned. One of the younger and stronger council members and I lifted Tealy between us and carried her, with not a little difficulty, down to Mum and Dad’s cube. Dad went for Kori and by the time she came Tealy was lying in the swinging bed more or less conscious. Kori told her to stay put. I had a tot of Zair, which I badly needed, while I brought a very full cube up to date on what had happened at the council hearing.

The fuss and palaver about Barty’s lies and Marni’s bravery and Tealy’s downright heroism went on all afternoon. Tealy layin bed, accepted sips of tea and bites of daisy cake and took it all in her stride.

Finally, just before Double, she felt well enough to head for home. We made it back by the skin of our teeth. I got her settled into bed while Brian and L started the show without me, then I helped them. After that I snuggled on the sofa with them and told them all about the amazing day.

“So that’s Barty’s hash settled for good and all?” said L. “Good, I am glad!”

“Why didn’t Marni have him shipped off to the Old Country? He’s going to be poison as long as he’s around her.”

“Oh, I know exactly why.” I said. “Marni’s not usually a vindictive soul, but if Barty was allowed to go off to some quiet colony in the Old Country he could spin some story about how he was a poor, ill-used lep who had got the worst of it from his awful wife. No, she wants him right where she can keep an eye on him and where everyone knows exactly what he is and what he’s done. Barty has two choices now. He can mend his ways, bite on his punishment and live with it, or, he won’t.”

“Bert, that sounds terribly callous.” Tealy looked shocked.

“I’m sorry, Zaea. “But I find it hard to drum up much sympathy for a lep who would let his tiny lings starve and lie through his teeth just to save himself and make himself look good in the colony’s eyes. He is in a nice home, warm, well-fed, comfortable and well taken care of. If he chooses to turn his face to the wall rather than live with what he’s done, that’s his choice.”

I was not expecting a scroll on the Monday morning, so my heart lifted when the little scroll tied with pink ribbon was sitting perkily on my pillow. I ripped it open eagerly.

“Dear Uncle Bert.”

“I hope that you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am much better and have received a good report this week.”

“Oh Uncle it is fabulously brilliant to be back here. Kryss was so happy to see me said she’d got in six fights since I been away and missed me terrible. I was scared I was behind but I soon caught up again. I been doing a few extra classes with Breat, Prim an old Fusty these last few evenings and now I’m totally up to speed. Only thing is now me uniform won’t fit cos I lost weight. Leanna’s that jealous cos she used to be the thinnest. She called me beanpole so I sort of smacked her nose an Madam Mauraine gave me a mark! I don’t care, love Shana-Sherin I does!

“May the sun shine on you that’s stupid that is, it’s zlenky winter! Love you Uncle Bert!”

“Babsy-Boo.”

That whole week was lovely, but slightly surreal. Brian had taken a week off work so that he and L could get the radio station Christmas work done. I had lots and lots to do myself. I was helping them with loads of audio production, I also had to make serious inroads into my Christmas shopping. I wanted really nice presents for Brian and L and also something extremely gorgeous for my beautiful girl, but that caused me no end of a problem! What on earth do you buy for the elf who seems to have everything? She does not wear jewellery except for the bangles, which now do not seem to be just for ornamentation. She wears lovely perfume so she does not need me to buy her that. She has clothes coming out of her ears. The elf technology way surpasses anything I could get her, so that is out. So what, what did I buy her?

The surreal part of the week was that Christmas was really taking up most of my time, but it was so strange to log on to my family Facebook and no one, no one was talking about it. You see, in the lep world we just do not have it. We have Saint Patrick’s day in March and then we exchange small gifts, but nothing like what gets exchanged at Christmas. On Saint Patrick’s all the family gathers for food, Zair and celebrations, but there is not all this build up. There are no decorations, there is no special music, no special story, it is just one day and then ping! It is over and apart from a few sore heads, life goes on.

I have always loved Christmas. I used to like it when I was living at the Merseyside tomb, but now, oh now it is just going to be the most fantastic Christmas in the history of the world! I am going to cook the dinner, well I always did before, but this year I am going to make it completely spectacular. The best thing is, Tealy will come over from elfhold very early on Christmas morning and stay with us for the whole day. She has managed to get the day off from work. She will have to go back last thing at night, worse luck, but at least we will get to spend the whole day together!

Another great thing is that there is going to be a Christmas evening entertainment and fireworks display at Caerphilly Castle. There will be a brass band, stalls, hot roast chestnuts, mulled wine and of course fireworks at the end. There will be loads of people there so Tealy and I should be able to sneak in no worries. We will leave Brian and L to have some quiet time and I will take my girl out walking in the starlight.

Anyway, I am digressing. The weekend was its usual mad busy self. Tealy was much stronger by the end of the week and was allowed to get up at the weekend. She still spent a lot of her time in my closet when we were busy, but in the evenings when it came time for our nightly glass of wine, Brian and L sat on the sofa and Tealy and I would snuggle up on the futon, oh it was just total bliss. A tiny little voice inside me could not help wishing it could always be like this, but that is just a dream.

Last Sunday Tealy said she was feeling well enough to come with me to the colony and Kori said it was safe, so we went together. I was absolutely determined that she was not going to be overtaxed. No doing the rounds that day for her, I said sternly. It was a biting cold day, so I made sure she was dressed warmly in another of those soft sweater dresses that look so amazing on her, this one in a soft lilac colour, with long black boots and a pretty lilac, pink and black silk scarf at her throat. I helped her into her warm sheepskin coat and she laughed at me.

“Cluck cluck, Bert,” She giggled, as I wrapped a lilac woolly scarf around her neck. “You’re like a mother hen!”

“I don’t care!” I said. “Where’s your hat?”

The hat was a woefully inadequate thing, it was made of fur but it didn’t hide her ears at all. Hmmm, I thought, we would have to find one that did, or we would be resorting to NoSeeMe on Christmas night if we wanted to go out. Better ask L, she would know.

It was freezing in the zapping bushes. I hustled Tealy inside as soon as I could but it was not much warmer in there. Stars, it did look bleak! No decorations, just plain and bare like it always was. I eased Tealy down the thoroughfare to Mum and Dad’s, letting her stop and rest when she needed to. I thought we would just have a nice quiet day, sitting in Mum’s swinging chairs, drinking tea and chatting.

I pulled open the curtain of the cube and my heart sank into my trainers. A huge cheer assaulted my ears. The place was packed to the rafters, the table was covered in food, the Zair barrel was out, the kettle was steaming and the four big teapots were being filled.

“Oh stars!” I whispered. Tealy swayed where she stood.

Dad came forward.

“Now then, young Tealy me girl,” he said. “Let’s ‘ave your fings off. We got a place all ready so you don’t get wore out. We ain’t ‘avin’ you fallin’ down again or our Bert’ll ‘ave our ears in the Zair barrel!”

I saw then that the cube looked fuller than usual because the swing bed was out. Mum helped Tealy off with her coat, hat and Scarf and she was helped, in spite of her protests, up into the swing bed. She did not get under the blankets, just on top. We propped her up with lots of pillows so she could see and take part in everything but not get tired and if she needed to take a little doze she could.

Well the rest of that day was a complete joy! Once I knew my Tealy girl was safe I relaxed, entered into the spirit of things and totally enjoyed myself. Everyone was thrilled to bits that A, Tealy had recovered from her illness and B, that she had saved Marni and the family. She was treated like a queen all day. All the younglings swarmed over the bed, hugging her, kissing her, stroking her fluffy head and ears and her long, silky ear hair. Everyone else made a tremendous fuss of her, especially Mella who went to sit by her on the bed for a while and they had a nice long talk. I really had a hard time getting her out of there so that we could get back in time for Down for Double. We just made it back in time and I had to help Tealy get ready and into bed before I went to help Brian and L because she was completely out of it, tired to death!

After the show, which went really well, I snuggled in my old place with some food and a glass of wine. I told Brian and L about my day and also L and I got down to the serious business of discussing Tealy’s present! Of course, two heads are better than one and L had a good idea. I cannot tell you what it was yet, nosy elves might be reading this, but the key was in the TV that my girl likes to watch most! Should have thought of it before! I was extremely tired and quite a lot poorer when I finally hit bed. Low country with that, she is worth every red penny!

Monday morning saw the usual little beribboned scroll. It gave me quite a start as it did not start in the usual way. How on earth did she get it passed?

“Uncle Bert, Humans. Is. Stupid!”

“I’ll never understand humans till I goes to high country! Why is they hanging all this green in their living places, don’t they know it’s bad luck if no one hasn’t gone to the high country? Why has they taked trees away from the ground, don’t they know that’s an awful bad thing to do! Why is they having parties an getting Zaired squared an it’s not even Saint Patrick’s! An what’s all that sparkly glittery stuff they hang all over an lights an I just don’t get it and Uncle, we been watching them getting food an stuff, wrapping up things like Saint Patrick’s gifts only bigger an all the stuff they does, but I don’t understand. If it’s like Saint Patrick’s and they is all supposed to be happy, why does so many of them look so miserable an just freaked out an annoyed? Humans is mad, Uncle!”

“May the sun shine on you an all that stuff blah blah. Love you Uncle Bert.”

“Babsy.”

Stars in a pool! Where did I start explaining! I did the best I could in the limited space I had and went to get on with the day. It was a busy one, Brian was going to be a way for a good part of the week and he had a fair amount of work for me to do. I really wanted to stay with Tealy but I had to knuckle down to work. Tealy would be returning to Elfhold later in the week and I absolutely did not want her to go, but rules were rules and she lived by them the same way that I did.

That night I cooked us a lovely dinner and we had a nice evening together, the four of us in our now accustomed places in the den. The following morning we were all up early except for Tealy who lay in on my orders. L and I helped get Brian ready to leave. He set off for his business trip and then L, Tealy and I spent the day together on the sofa in the den, watching films, playing games, doing things on the computer and talking.

In the evening Tealy said to me that she thought, if I did not mind, she would go back to Elfhold the following day. She wanted to get back before the deadline set for her and make sure she was not in trouble of any kind.

“You won’t be in trouble, Zaea,” I said. “Why can’t you stay just one more day.”

“Zaeahaan,” Tealy put her hand on mine gently. “It really will look better if I am back early. You can’t know how grateful I am to you, Brian and you too, L for all you’ve done for me. I owe you more than I can ever ever repay, but I can’t stay here forever, no matter how much I want to.”

Stars, I really do hate my eyes sometimes. I smiled at Tealy and said it was fine, but my eyes filled with tears. I knew, you see, that L was going to be out all the following day. She had long planned to go down to Staffordshire to visit the reborn artist who made her doll Leah, Leah’s head needed fixing and L was taking her down to get it done and to see some of Ellie’s other babies. I was going to have to say goodbye to Tealy in the morning and then be on my own all day. Yuk! My stupid eyes were getting the better of me and I was just about to get up and run away till I stopped being such a complete wimp when L spoke.

“Hey, Bert, I’ve got an idea.” She said.

“What?” It came out in a kind of snuffle.

“Why don’t you come with me tomorrow? A day out will do you the world of good.”

“Thanks L,” I lifted my head from Tealy’s shoulder, “But I can do without a day of being a cute toddler. You’re very sweet to suggest it but…”

“Now hold on, sweetie,” said L, “Alan’s driving me and he’s very trustworthy. We’re going straight to Ellie’s and I don’t mind her knowing about you if you don’t. She won’t tell. You won’t have to play cute toddler unless we stop somewhere to eat. Come on, keep me company, you’d be doing me a favour, I hate long car journeys! Besides, an extra pair of hands would be useful.”

And so it was settled. The next morning we were up very early. Tealy made herself a very natty little suitcase and packed all the things she had accumulated since arriving here. I had to hide while she was packing because I could not bear to see it. When she was all packed she got the biggest hug ever.

“Bert, I can never ever thank you enough.” She said. “You and your family and Brian and L. I’m so lucky to have you all.”

I kissed her ears and held her tighter.

“We’re lucky to have you. You’re so very special. Take it easy, Zaeahana, stay safe.”

“I will, I’ll be back very soon and don’t forget, I’m only a phone call away.” She zapped out then and the world was suddenly a much darker, colder place. Stars, I had got so used to having her around. I miss her still.

L and I set off for Staffordshire in pouring rain. It was a long journey but we made it convivial with lots of chatter and laughter. It was so great to be able to talk and act naturally whilst travelling. Usually if I travel in a car or train I have to be dead quiet which makes the long, slow, boring journey even longer, slower and more boring! L had a fierce headache and slept a bit of the way but I talked a lot to Alan and the journey soon passed.

Ellie’s house was a lovely and very interesting place. Leah’s head got fixed, L picked up a baby carrier for her, we ogled lots of babies, well I didn’t’ but L did, we had tea and mince pies, I chattered rather a lot and then it was time to go home.

L slept for most of the way back and even I had a little doze. We were both tired during the evening and went to bed early.

On Thursday I was very busy. All the Christmas groceries arrived and had to be put away. I was also putting up more decorations, I wanted to have the house absolutely ready for Christmas when Brian came home that night. L had to go out in filthy weather, she had several last minute things to do and she had to go to her Grandma’s house.

By the time Brian got home on Thursday evening it was really beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. Brian was totally exhausted, travelling in the cold and wet is never any fun. We all had some lovely food and L and I brought him up to date on our week. We had all spent such a mad day we were glad to hit our pillows!

I had, of course, been keeping up to date on my Facebook all this time. Nothing much had been going on with the family, they all seemed to be chugging along all right. On Friday morning I woke up to the news that Barty had wandered out of his cube in the middle of Thursday night. He had done the old trick of begging someone to call the Watchers. This time no one listened to him. They had all heard the story of the hearing, it had gone all around the colony like wild fire and lost nothing in the telling. Apparently he had wandered down the thoroughfare, asking for help until he could not wander anymore. He had been found by two night workers, sanitary leps they were, put into their barrow which was not very clean and wheeled back to his cube. Apparently, Gwenice had needed to be called to him because he had completely exhausted himself. I shook my head when I heard the story. My brother really is an idiot. I felt sorry for Marni, she did not need this.

I saw Vee online on Friday morning. She was getting exhausted with carrying the twins, but she was happy as a lark. WE had a long chat and she asked me if I could come over on Sunday, that is today. I said I would if I could, I have had to text her and put her off, but I will go as soon as I can.

I had such a surprise on Friday afternoon. I was just sitting on the futon doing some texts when the door buzzer went. It was L’s parents. I thought L would make me run for the closet, only she did not. In they came and I was still sitting there.

Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather! One more of my wishes was granted. Apparently L had told them all about me, my work for Brian and everything, well they knew a good bit anyway but they thought I was just a story L made up. Now they saw me sitting on the futon, large as life. WE had the best afternoon ever! We wrapped up presents and talked and had tea and mince pies, oh, it was fabulous!

In the evening I cooked a lovely dinner and we had our usual nice cosy time. L has bought these white frothy drinks called snowballs for Christmas. I wanted to try, Brian said it would be too strong for me, so we left it for that night.

On Saturday we are usually mad busy, but Brian and L had been scheduled to be away, so there were no shows planned. They had not been able to go away because of the awful bad weather which had caused terrible disruption on the railway lines, but they had decided to use the time to finish all the station Christmas work. I felt absolutely tired out for some reason. I suppose my hectic few weeks had finally caught up with me. I spent most of Saturday flopped on the sofa. When L had time she let me cuddle on her lap. It is really quite some time since I have been Bert the limpet, but I was yesterday. When you are feeling tired, L’s lap is a lovely place to curl up and rest.

I was feeling much more perky yesterday evening. Brian and L had lovely music on and L mixed some of that frothy white drink and I begged to be allowed to try some. I wasn’t allowed any of the one she had mixed, but she did open a bottle of the ready made, which she said was much weaker. Oh my word! It was so delicious! It tasted like a tangy, creamy kind of soda pop with a kick to it. I guzzled and gulped it all down. Then something weird happened. I was tweeting using my phone and the screen started to go all fuzzy and blurry so that I could not see it properly. Then the sofa started spinning around and the room began playing at roundabouts. To be honest, I cannot quite remember anything much after that.

I awoke feeling like, as L would put it, sixteen different kinds of hell. I asked L to let me off cooking breakfast or there would be a very nasty accident. She brought me in some black coffee and half a paracetamol, which has helped quite a bit, but I am still feeling very delicate indeed. I have done nothing today except speak to Tealy briefly on the phone and then write this.

And there you are, finally up to date. I am actually coming back to life, feeling a little bit peckish. I think I will go and have a nice shower and hair wash, I am still in my pyjamas, how bad is that? After that, maybe a glass of orange juice would be good and I wonder if L has any of those croissants left?

Before I go, I want to wish you all the merriest of Christmases and a peaceful, happy and healthy new year. I will do my very best to write again before the end of the month because I want to tell you all about my Christmas, but I know I won’t get time to write before the big day, so do have a fantastic one!

Take care, Merry Christmas, thanks for reading! Big, big smiles.

December 30.

Hi everyone.

Wow! Just wow and wow! What a Christmas! I can honestly say it was the best I have ever ever had! The food, the drinks, the presents, the company, the atmosphere, everything was just so perfect. I really think I am the luckiest lep in the whole wide world to live and work where I do and to have been able to enjoy such a lovely Christmas here at the Lair. I will tell you all about it.

I awoke on Christmas eve to my usual little pink scroll. Of course, it being Christmas in the human world means nothing to them at Shana-Sherin. You do not get any holidays there except a day’s holiday at Saint Patrick where the whole school is allowed to play games on the playing field and there is a nice tea. There is a half holiday on Saturday afternoons and a whole day on Sunday when you write your home letters and play or rest indoors quietly, but the rest of the time it is work, work, work! Anyway, Christmas eve or no, there was my letter from Babsy and I opened it eagerly to see what she said.

“Dear Uncle Bert.”

“I hope you are in good health and that the helping hand is serving you well. I am in good health and have received a good report this week.”

“Uncle I really hate that white rolly outy stuff what you have to spread over the fruity cake them humans have this time of year. I did the cake ok, easy peasy, all you got to do is sling all the stuff in a bowl, mix and bake it. But then you has to roll this horrible white stuff out and cover the cake with it and what’s the point? We has to cut an measure it, then put it on so it’s all flat and covers the cake perfect. What a swiz! Leanna’s looked like a lumpy mattress an she got a mark, what a joke! Then we made some more stuff with this weird kind of sugar an the white part of an egg an slopped that on top, Madam Prim says we has to make it look like snow. What the zlank’s that, Uncle? An what’s the point of it anyway, they eats the zlenky cake doesn’t they? Humans is mad!”

“May the sun shine on you always and I hope you has a nice what you call it, Christmas. Tell all about it an what it’s for!”

“Love Babsy.”

Wow! So they’re teaching Babsy to bake a Christmas cake this early. I had to wait till I was in my third year before I got to do one and a right mess I made of it too! Still I have it down to a fine art now, thank goodness. I do wish L liked it. She likes my mince pies though, can’t get enough of them! Anyway, I am digressing. I wrote back to Babsy, explaining as well as I could in the limited space I had and then got on with the day and a busy one it was too.

In the morning, L’s parents came over to see us. We all had a lovely visit. It really is fantastic not to have to hide in the closet when they come now. They even invited me to come to their house with Brian and L for the party with the rest of the family on boxing day. I was absolutely over the moon about this! It seems my life is just getting better and better these days.

After L’s parents had gone, L and I got busy. Brian was going to be on air in the evening, so L and I had decided we were going to put on a kind of running buffet during the day that we could all nibble on whenever we wanted to. Of course, it would have been much easier if L had just left me to make and arrange all the food, but it’s Christmas and L particularly wanted to feel involved and to do things in the kitchen, so she and I did it all between us. It actually worked out fine because L was able to do the fiddly things like putting things on to sticks and I did more hands on things. L did not have to stand too long which is better for her bones, we did not bump into each other in the kitchen and it all worked out fine.

Soon the table was groaning with food and we all filled our plates and glasses. The rest of that day was very cosy indeed. We listened to music, Brian did his show, then we just left the radio on to hear the rest of the day’s programming. We all went to bed looking forward to Christmas day.

I fell asleep, as I normally do, to the sound of soft sea waves coming out of my phone and it only seemed as though I had been asleep for a minute when someone was kissing my ears and asking if I was going to sleep all day. I opened bleary eyes to find Tealy leaning over me, looking fresh, beautiful and Christmassy in a red coat with a white fur collar and long black boots.

Once I was awake, she shed the coat to reveal another of my favourite sweater dresses, deep red, of course, gold bangles and red and gold scrunchies in her hair. She seemed rather nervous as she sat down next to me on the bed. I wondered why she had come so early, it was only just six. She told me she wanted to spend the first part of the day alone with me and there was a reason.

I was puzzled and wondered what could be up and then she explained.

“You know when we kissed the Wishstone? Well, I remembered then that elves too have a way of pledging themselves to each other and asking for a love that lasts lifelong. It isn’t legal and official like a marriage would be, it’s more like a promise. It’s a magical binding of two souls. In Elfhold it’s hardly ever done, nowadays people are a lot less romantic and a lot more cynical, but I managed to find someone who can still make the WishSilver for the tokens, so I asked him to make them for us.”

I was touched and amazed. I asked what WishSilver was and Tealy pulled a small white leather box from her handbag and opened it. Inside, resting on black velvet, were two tiny, wafer thin tokens made of a metal of such a bright white it almost hurt your eyes to look at it. The tokens were no more than a quarter inch long, if that, but very detailed, they were a leaf and a star.

Questions seemed to fill my head. Why a leaf and a star? What were we supposed to do with these tokens, carry them about? They were so tiny, so wafer thin, might they not get broken or lost? Tealy put my fears to rest.

“We don’t carry them, Bert,” she said, squeezing my hand, “we wear them. I wear the star. Leprechauns take their strongest magic from the stars, they’re guarded and guided by them. If I wear the star I’ll always have a little bit of the best of you with me. You wear the leaf. Most elves try to forget it but they originated in the oldest forests. Their magic is wild magic, rooted in the earth before humans ever trod on it. It’s deep, silent and very strong. If you wear the leaf You’ll always have a little of my good magic with you.”

I was big-eyed with awe, but I had one more question. How were we supposed to wear them? I saw no way to hang them, no clasp or clip. Tealy started to look worried.

“You wear it on your wrist, Zaea,” she told me. “just in the place where your pulse beats. It’s not supposed to be noticeable. Only we know they’re there.” She suddenly turned to me with tears sparkling in her big eyes. “Bert, you don’t have to do this. perhaps it’s asking too much, I have other presents for you by the tree, I just thought…”

I put my arms around her and touched my nose to hers.

“Hush,” I said gently. “I think it’s the best Christmas present I could ever have, now, show me how to put it on.”

Tealy took the leaf, turned my left wrist over, found the place where my pulse beat and pressed the leaf there. At once I felt a tingling sensation, the air grew bright and luminous and I could feel a gentle power in the room. Tealy looked straight into my eyes and spoke in a quiet steady voice.

“I give you, Bertalius, the emblem of my people. I give you the protection of our magic and in the presence of the helping hand I give my heart into your keeping.”

There was a gust of wind, carrying the sound of tinkling bells and the smell of piny woods and of all the flowers in Elfhold. I felt a tingling pain that did not really hurt and looked down at my wrist. The leaf was bonded on to my skin as though it had always been a part of it, a tiny, shining symbol of my Tealy’s love and protection.

“Now you, darling,” said Tealy, “Take the star and press it on to my pulse point. Just here. Now, say exactly what I said.”

With a heart full of joy and wonder I picked up the cool, smooth star, turned over Tealy’s left wrist and felt for the place where her pulse beat. Then I made sure the star was straight before I pressed it on. My fingers tingled and once more the air grew luminous and that gentle power filled the room. I looked up into those huge aqua eyes. How funny, I fleetingly thought, I used to be almost scared to meet them. Now they were all I wanted in the world. I could feel the old familiar mist gathering behind my own eyes and a lump forming in my throat. I fought down my rising emotion, gathered my wits and spoke with my heart on my lips.

“I give you, Tealy, the emblem of my people. I give you the protection of our magic and in the presence of the helping hand I give my heart into your keeping.”

Once more the magical wind with its lovely smell and sound blew through the room. I felt Tealy flinch slightly and we both looked down at her wrist. The bright white star shone there, guarding and guiding her forever.

By that time it was getting late, I could hear movement so it was time to get on with the day. By the time Brian and L came into the den we had coffee bubbling and breakfast all ready for them and ourselves and we were all hungry!

We did not have a huge breakfast, just hot muffins and coffee, because of the big dinner we were going to have later, but we all ate it sitting companionably around the table and enjoyed it very much. Tealy and I told Brian and L about the WishSilver tokens and showed them and they were pleased for us. Once we had everything cleared away it was time for the presents!

Oh! The presents! If I live to be five hundred I don’t think I can ever thank Brian, L and Tealy enough for such fantastic presents. Ok, let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, so I have been told. Giggling here! I will save the big, huge one till last, the one I had been most intrigued about. From Brian I got a cool kind of portable speaker which can attach to iPhone, computer or MP3 player and which sounds really cool, I also had some DVDs and an iTunes gift card from him. From L I had some fantastic new clothes, she knows my love affair with my wardrobe and she always finds me the coolest things to wear. I had combats, jeans, sweatshirts, polo shirts and a new coat and cap too! Oh and new trainers! Now all I need is a bigger wardrobe! Haha!

Tealy bought me a brilliant mood lighting cube, I really love interesting and relaxing lighting, this thing is a thirty minute light show if you want it to be, of course it loops around, or you can change its settings to do all kinds of things. I just love it! I got clothes from Tealy as well, new pyjamas and a new dressing gown and slippers, really nice ones. Apparently Tealy arranged all my presents with L while she was staying here, goodness knows how she paid for them, I don’t like to ask.

Anyway, the biggest, the best, the most amazing present was bought for me by Brian and L. I now have a brand new IPad. Poor dear Nia Netbook has served me well, but she really is beginning to get slow from constant use. Now I have a gorgeous new IPad 4, so I can do everything with her, even write my journal as I’ve found a nice word processing app. So thanks for the sterling work you did, Nia, you go to welcome retirement. Hello, gorgeous Imogen iPad!

Well, once I’d stopped exclaiming over my presents I took time to look around and see how everyone else was liking theirs from me. I had bought Brian a very nice stereo Bluetooth headset which I thought he might find useful with his iPad as well as some of his favourite dark chocolates, some really nice marzipan fruit as I know he has a very soft spot for marzipan and some very good red wine. Brian seemed to really like all his presents from me and I was really pleased.

AS for L, I knew she was getting an iPod Nano for Christmas, so I got her a case, the kind of glamorous, diamante studded one she likes in hot pink. I also went on her favourite site and bought her some new clothes for her reborn baby doll Leah and I bought her white chocolates from her favourite place. She was really pleased with everything and nearly hugged me in half! This was my first time buying any presents for L, so I was very glad indeed that I had got them right! Mind you, Brian had given me some advice, but all the same I was glad it had turned out ok!

Tealy’s presents, as you may remember, had given me problems. In the end L had come up with a great idea. When she had been staying here, Tealy had loved watching antiques programs on TV, so we had gone for antique style things for Tealy’s Christmas presents. I had managed to find a beautiful silver-plated dressing-table set, a hairbrush, comb and mirror. They were absolutely lovely, all engraved with a tracery of flowers and leaves. I had also found, after much searching, a really beautiful silver and crystal perfume bottle. Oh, I shall never forget Tealy’s face as she unwrapped her things. It just seemed to light up as if stars were shining inside her and for at least half a minute she could not speak. Then she carefully put the things down in a safe place and just came to me and held me, looking at me as if she had never seen me before.

“What is it, Zaeahana,” I said, “Don’t you like your presents? I can send…”

She laid a finger on my lips.

“Bert, I’ve never been so happy before that it made me scared.” She spoke in almost a whisper. “I’m almost scared to breathe, scared to look away from you in case this is all a dream.”

“If it is, I’m dreaming too, Tealy. But it’s real.” I kissed her ears. “Now come on, let’s get busy and put our things away, I have a lot of work to do.”

And a lot of work it was to get the dinner all ready. I would not let Tealy help me, I wanted her to have a completely work free day. She was allowed to do one thing though, she set my nice new iPad up for me while I was busy in the kitchen. While I stuffed, basted, peeled, chopped, boiled and baked, she got Imogen up to scratch, asking Brian for help when she needed it. She put all my apps into neat folders, L helped her with this as she is a neat freak extrordinaire! Tealy also found me some other apps she thought would be useful including the word processing app which I am using at this very moment!

I kept things ticking over while Brian and L did their Christmas day show and as soon as they came off air we all sat down to eat. Oh wow, what a dinner, it was pretty delicious, if I do say so myself. WE had roast turkey, stuffing, little sausages wrapped in bacon, roast and mashed potatoes, roast parsnips, sprouts and carrots with lots of rich gravy. I had made some Christmas puddings, little ones, but as L did not like Christmas pudding I had put them away for later and we all had a very light, moist chocolate brownie for dessert. We were pretty full afterwards, I can tell you!

As soon as Tealy and I had things in the kitchen all ship shape, clean and sparkling, we put on our coats. Tealy was about to perform the NoSeeMe spell when I produced her last Christmas present which L had helped me choose. It was a tall black Cossack style fur hat. It looked very chic on Tealy while totally covering her ears! Now we could both go out together and no one would ask too many questions.

Caerphilly Castle was alive with people, the mulled wine and roast chestnut stalls were doing a roaring trade and the band was playing Christmas carols. It was a clear, crisp night with a sparkling frost and a million stars were shining down on us as we found a sheltered spot out of the way and stood to listen to the carols and watch the fireworks.

As we stood there hand in hand, we could not help remembering the Christmas before. I had still been more or less completely out of it after having my bad accident and being in a coma for almost a week, but remembered how Tealy had brought me a stretchy cap to cover my battered and bandaged head when visitors came. She said how she hardly knew me but thought how special I must have been to have caused so many people so much anguish over my accident.

Thinking back, I said how strange it was that so much had changed in one little year. And it has, it really has! This time last year I thought life was basically ok, but I had lots of wishes that I thought would never come true. I was a completely different person then, I know I was. I think sometimes we all want the completely unobtainable. I have been so lucky. Wanting what I can never have could have caused so much pain, so much absolute grinding misery to so many people, but the Helping Hand protected me and the people I love most in the world. As I said to Tealy, I have everything I could ever want and a lot more and with the Hand’s help this coming year will be even better than the last one.

Tealy and I suddenly lifted our voices and sang along with the band. WE sang to the stars, to the helping hand, to anyone out there listening. Then we held each other tightly and watched the sky explode with a myriad shooting stars, brilliant sparkles and fountains of coloured light.

Then Tealy zapped back to Elfhold and I went back to my home, back to my lovely comfy closet and went to bed, thanking the Hand for so many blessings.

The last few days have been fairly uneventful so I will not dwell too much on them. I had a lovely time at the party held at L’s parents’ house. I met some more of L’s family there and was made a great fuss of. For the rest of the time I have been taking things very easy, having cosy times with my people, listening to good music, playing games, eating nice food, just spending a lovely holiday with them.

Soon the new year will start and I hope it is a happy, healthy and prosperous one for all of us and all of you. I have decided to take a little break from this journal for the first couple of months of the year. January and February are a leprechaun’s lowest times. In the lep colony, nothing much at all happens, everyone holes up with as much food as they can and just tries to survive the cold of Winter. I do not have to do that of course, I go on as usual, but I am a lep and my body clock is a lep’s body clock. In January and February I always feel at my lowest, most tired and out of sorts. I am going to have as much as I can do to do my work and keep up with things here, so I would rather say there will be no more entries for a while than get hopelessly behind. I will be back at the beginning of March when everything begins to wake up again. By then the family will start to perk up and we will all be gearing up for the birth of Vee’s twins and the celebrating of Saint Patrick’s day.

Until then, thank you, as always, for reading my ramblings, have a wonderful new year and take good care of yourselves.

Oh, just one more thing. Before you pat a cute toddler’s head you might want to take a second look. I am not the only working leprechaun there is, you know. Is the cute little one wearing a cap or some kind of hat which might hide a pair of slightly pointy ears? If so, better move on, he or she is probably as old as you are, has done seventeen years hard training, several years working for the human pushing him or her and is really hating being in that baby seat! Supermarkets should really think about putting a cushion in there! Those seats are terribly uncomfortable, you are hearing it from one who knows! Still, if sitting in a baby seat from time to time means that I can be a working leprechaun, I would rather sit in that seat than sit anywhere else, even on a golden throne. I just love my job so much and I hope I have managed to convey that much to you in this journal. See you again soon. Big smiles.

Facebook chat between Bert Hartgen and LillyBella Robikna, date December 31.

Bert: Ping ping ping. Hurry up, oh Zna please be there! News, big big!

LillyBella: Oy oy oy, only got one pair of hands! Zlanny lings driving me mad. Zui son, here now, tell tell, what goes? You and Tealy getting hitched?

Bert: oh Zna! Course not, not yet a while. No, something else.

LilyBella: Pity. Well what?

Bert: Scroll from Shana-Sherin tied in gold. Couldn’t believe it.

LilyBella: Delian? Never!

Bert: That’s what I thought, but no, not him. Was from, get this, Vice-Chancellor’s office!

LilyBella: kidding!

Bert: Swear to Hand! Seal and everything.

LilyBella: Well come on, give, or do I have to come over there and beat it out of you!

Bert: You’ll never believe it! Scroll says they’re holding an international conference and symposium on the subject of living and working with humans next March at which there will also be a kind of reunion of past students. They seem to think that because my journal is being read online, even though people think that it’s just a story, I’ve become some sort of liaison between leprichaunity and humanity and they want to explore the possibility of it being sensitively taken further. Zna, they want me to speak at the conference.

LilyBella: Great glittering moonbeams! Holy typhoons! Doing it?

Bert: can’t!

LilyBella: can so! Tell you what our Bert, you was a scraggy little wisp of a thing when you was small, we thought as how we might lose you a time or two. When you first started school them idiots said you’d never amount to nothing. Well you showed them, you showed everyone. You made us all proud of you and now you can do this. You can zlanny do anything.

Bert: Think?

LilyBella: Sure as the stars!

Bert: Aw! Zahara ewa Zna! Guess what else?

LilyBella: Zahara Ewa Ja, Zaea min. I doesn’t often say it, but you knows I always thinks it.

Bert: Make me cry in a minute!

LilyBella: Sniveller! You said else. What?

Bert: Oh yes. Well, letter said they had been made aware of my lack of Shana-Sherin ceremonials. You remember they got ruined?

LilyBella: Not likely to forget am I? That rotten zlurg!

Bert: Zna! :D Anyway, you’ll never guess! They’re having a new set made for me. It will be arriving tomorrow. Yet another wish granted. Always felt bad about losing my ceremonials.

LilyBella: That’s just wonderful, son. Wait till Zan hears! Like I said you’ve made this family proud of you this year and I thinks you’ll make it even prouder next. You always was special.

Bert: Get on! There’s nothing special about me! I’m just lucky that’s all. The luckiest lep that ever was born!